Domestic Violence and The Christian Church

The topic of domestic abuse has come up on this blog in the past week and I began thinking of cases of abuse I've heard about not only in the FOC, but also in the other churches I've belonged to since. It is a nebulous issue because the Bible does not specifically give spousal abuse as a legitimate reason to leave a marriage. I remember one older woman telling us in a bible study about her neighbor woman knocking on her door, begging for help against her abusive husband; the end of that story? They gave her some hot tea, prayed with her, and then drove her home. Wow. What would you have done? Please read this article about the subject of spousal abuse in relation to the Christian Church.

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Christian Domestic Abuse: The Hidden Church Disease

By Dr. Dean Crosby

One of the most shameful problems facing the vast majority of Christian church congregations is the epidemic of domestic violence that many of its families are suffering from. In the vast majority of cases it remains a carefully concealed sin but occasionally sensational cases become publicly exposed as in this incident which resulted in the divorce of two very prominent ministers:

"The Associated Press is reporting the severe beating of Reverend Juanita Bynum by the hands of her husband Reverend Thomas Weeks III. The couple which has been separated for some time now, met in an Atlanta hotel restaurant in hopes of reconciliation. Something went horribly wrong and a fight between the estranged couple took place in the hotel garage which resulted in Reverend Bynum being battered and severely bruised."

Just how much of a problem has domestic violence become in the United States, the nation that prides itself on being the world's largest exporter of military violence? Try to wrap your brain around this:

"The former Surgeon General, C. Everett Koop, stated that domestic violence perpetrated by males accounted for more adult female emergency room visits than traffic accidents, muggings, and rapes combined and is now the single greatest cause of injury to American women. He has accordingly declared it as a national health crisis."

Here are some truly astonishing and little-known statistics about this epidemic of raw hatred that is severely straining the moral fiber of the United States:

• 27% of American women will experience abuse (rape or physical assault) during their lifetime

• 16% of American men will experience physical abuse during their lifetime.

• 28% of marriages harbor physical violence while 53% contain abuse in a variety of forms.

• 32% of teens and college-aged adults will experience physical abuse in a dating relationship. 70% of this age group will experience some type of violence.

• 44% of women in domestic abuse relationships are raped by their abuser.

• 2.1 million senior adults suffer physical, psychological, financial, or some form of abuse or neglect each year in the United States.Only 1 out of 14 abuse incidents is ever reported to the authorities.

• The divorce rate for non-abused women is 15%, the rate for abused women is 75%.

• It is estimated that over 3.3 million of American children witness intimate partner violence (IPV) within their families. Witnessing violence is a risk factor for long-term physical and mental health problems, including alcohol and substance abuse, becoming a victim of abuse, as well as perpetrating IPV with other victims.

• 998,000 children are currently suffering abuse and neglect in the U.S.

• 49% of children living in homes where adult abuse occurs also experience direct abuse themselves. 100% experience indirect abuse.

• 89% of women inmates report having experienced sexual, emotional or physical abuse before incarceration.

• Young women in Christian youth groups are less likely to report abuse, especially if they are dating someone in their youth group.

• People with strong religious beliefs stay longer in abusive relationships because of their faith beliefs.

• Abusers are more likely to go for help when their pastor tells them to seek counseling than if others encourage them; even more likely than if they are given a court order which mandates counseling for them.

William Bradford Wilcox conducted a study on the types of Protestants who engage in domestic violence. He examined the relationship between religious affiliation, church attendance, and domestic violence, using data on wife reports of spousal violence from three American surveys. The study found that the lowest reported rates of domestic violence occurred among church active conservative Protestants (2.8% of husbands committed domestic violence), followed by those who were religiously unaffiliated (3.2%), periodic church attending mainline Protestants (3.9%),church active mainline Protestants (5.4%), and periodic church attending conservative Protestants (7.2%).Read over those statistics again,they are truly astonishing!

Many ministers contribute to the problem because they tell the female members of their congregations who are being abused that they should continue to submit to their husbands and to ask God to give them the strength to endure the torture they are experiencing. Many ministers never advise a battered wife to leave her husband or separate regardless of the extent of the abuse she is suffering. By taking this socially and psychologically dangerous position they not only are endangering the lives of many women but they are in addition causing a plethora of mental, emotional and even physical problems to be visited on the children of the battered. Here is a list of the most common:

* low self-esteem
* mixed feelings toward parents
* lack of trust
* anxiety created by anticipating the next outbreak of violence
* guilt and depression in feeling responsible for the abuse
* fear of abandonment

Children living in violent homes usually turn very aggressive or extremely passive in their behavior. They usually experience problems in school not only through falling grades but also because domestic violence homes breed a higher rate of juvenile delinquency and substance abuse among the child observing victims. When they reach their teen-age years, it is common for children in violent homes to try to escape by entering into early marriages or even worse, pregnancies they hope will create early marriages.

So of course we desperately need to seek God's solution to this sickening problem don't we?

GOD'S UNIVERSAL SOLUTION FOR PEACE:

Matthew 7:12 (New King James Version)

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

GOD'S SOLUTION TO AVOID MARITAL ABUSE:

Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)

34 Jesus answered and said to them, "The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

GOD'S SOLUTION FOR THOSE IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS:

Matthew 19:29 (New King James Version)

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or WIFE or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.

NEVER STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS!! GO TO GOD!!!

Dr. Dean Crosby is a published author, instructor in New Testament studies, and Christian therapist. He holds a bachelor’s degree in communication, a master’s degree in counseling, and a doctoral degree in psychology. He is the founder and director of the Christian Caring Center,a non-profit internet counseling agency. Dr. Crosby can be personally contacted at drdeancrosby@yahoo.com but information about his counseling center should be requested at appointments@christiancaringcenter.every1.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Dean_Crosby

C.C. Smith: Divorce

The issue of divorce is tricky in the Christian belief system. There are certain rules in which a person may be released from marriage - if their spouse cheats, if the marriage was never consummated, or if a spouse denounces God (or in this case, the specific Oregon City FOC church) and leaves of their own accord. The problem with this is that the OC Group only allows men to be released from a cheating spouse. Also, the only people who know what really goes on behind closed doors are the husband, wife, and God. Another problem in this system is that, in order to be free, the spouses must prove themselves   innocent by trashing their spouse - who is, in most cases, the mother or father of their children. Who suffers most from this? The children. Does God hate divorce? The bible tells us that He does. God hates all sin. And we have all sinned.

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

James 2:10

Please read these two letters from the preacher C.C. Smith on the subject of divorce.

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Gerber, California

March 11, 1933

Greetings:

I read Brother George’s letter and was surprised that he would teach as he did. I think he needs a little teaching himself. Let us turn to the Sermon on the Mount: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: and he opened his mouth and taught them saying. This is very plain that where man and wife are both in the faith there is but two reasons for them to marry again, namely fornication or death of one or the other.

Now let us see what Paul was talking about 1^st Cor. 7-15, he was talking to one that was in the faith which had an unbelieving companion in other words unequally yoked together. Now Paul says if the unbelieving depart let them depart: a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. And he didn’t say if the other has committed fornication.

First Cor. 5-5. This speaks of the spirit that was in the man when he was born into the world. The flesh would return to the earth as it was and the spirit return to God that gave it. If there is any in that body who wants to turn someone over to Satan., tell them to be sure there is not a beam in their own eye.

I believe it would do those good who are always contentious if they would read all of the sermon on the mount. Matt 5-6, in the prayer he taught his disciples to pray: and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

I was glad to hear that Brother Walter had been preaching. I trust God will reward him. And now I charge you that this epistle be read among all the holy brethren.

May God bless you and yours, my earnest prayer.

Pray for us.

C.C. Smith

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The following letter was undated, but also addressed questions about the circumstances in which divorce is permitted in the church. Smith also exhorts the church not to remove members from their body, a practice the Oregon City group has taken up in recent years, by means of shunning and pressuring others to shun.

Dear Brother and Sister in Christ Jesus,

I just received your letter asking for information concerning certain scriptures. You did not mention any names. I have guessed that you refer to old sister Rogers as we used to call her.

Now Mr. Rogers left her. Answer: if the unbelieving depart, let them depart, a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. If she was not under bondage she was free to marry.

Then she married an old soldier who seemed to me to be faithful. This brother died, she was no longer his wife but his widow. If her husband be dead she is at liberty to marry who she will only in the Lord. First Cor. 7-39.

The last man did not marry his father’s wife but his father’s widow, and one that was free because of his death.

As far as putting one out of the church is a Pharisee error. If our names are on the Lamb’s Book of Life, no man can take it off. Each one can take his own name off by evil conduct or disobedience. Remember the wheat and the tares must grow together until the harvest and God’s angels will separate them.

I charge that this epistle be read to all the Holy Brethren.

May the richest blessings from on high reside and abide with you all. Amen.

Pray for us,

C.C. Smith