A Little Ugly Truth About My Book and Blog

I started blogging over two years ago and, until this past week, haven't missed a week. It's been two weeks since I posted a blog and that one a guest blog. The week before was a republished article.

The truth is, I'm just not feeling it these days. I finished my book a year ago and haven't touched it since. So, it's not exactly finished-finished. It was finished enough to pass as an MFA thesis. It was approved by much better writers than me. It went through professional edits. But, it isn't in the condition I want it to be.

And all that kind-of stinks because I have an agent waiting to read my book - and I don't want to hand it over. I want to fix dozens of things (yes, I have a list) and add several scenes. But, without the 30 pages/month requirements I once had, writing tends to fall to the bottom of my to-do list.

I'm letting my dreams slip away. It's depressing and overwhelming and even embarrassing.

Most people have long since stopped asking me about my book. So, in case anyone out there is wondering: my book hasn't changed in a year. It's sort-of finished. Good enough to earn a terminal degree and qualify me to teach undergraduates. But not good enough to show the world.

And that ties in with this blog - I won't publish excerpts of my book here because that's a rip off to anyone who eventually reads the book. 

And I'm a bit weary of writing about the Followers. Honestly, they bore me. What's left to say? I'm tired of hearing from community members (and current members) about them sneaking their children (and themselves) to medical clinics. Good for them for doing the right thing. Bad for them for being too chicken to admit it. We're all hypocrites in some way, I suppose.

I'll write something next Sunday. Probably.

My Secret Pentecostal Friend

I met her outside our houses a few years ago and we hit it off right away. Our daughters were about the same age and we set up a play date for them. She confessed that the other neighbors didn't like her. The other neighbors seemed shocked at our friendship - she wouldn't talk to anyone (they told me).

I assumed it was a misunderstanding, or shyness, and our friendship continued to deepen. I was occasionally at her house when her husband came home on his lunch break or after work. He was a bit odd, but always friendly. Another family of neighbors went to the same church as my friend, and they were distant cousins. The other family nearly always stayed indoors and didn't speak to anyone in the neighborhood. Rude people.

It turned out my daughter was in classes with the daughter of the "rude" neighbors. As a class volunteer, I got to know their little girl and, through the playground, her older sister. Once I saw the family in public and both little girls ran up to me to chat. Their parents refused to acknowledge my presence (can you imagine?).

About a year into our friendship, my friend started having some problems with her marriage. Her husband told her she couldn't talk to me because I didn't go to their church. They were Pentecostals. She said she couldn't talk to anyone unless they went to her church at that point. Our friendship continued, in secret, and I worried about my friend. I thought it was a sign of possible abuse for her husband to be so controlling of who she could speak to.

And then, last summer, my friend's family moved away and I only heard from her rarely on Facebook. I had almost forgotten her when her daughter showed up in the neighborhood this weekend - staying with the family who doesn't talk to the rest of us (the parents don't; their kids do). 

Seeing her again reminded me of the strange and secret friendship and it reminded me of something else: how, for the first half of my life, being forbidden to associate with outsiders was the norm. How far removed that life is, in nearly every way. I had forgotten the imprisoned feelings. I have come to take for granted the freedoms I now have - that my children have always had: to talk to, socialize with, include anyone. It's a great feeling, and tonight I'm grateful for the freedom I have.

A Something Positive Post: She Made It!

I’ve been accused of presenting an imbalance of information when writing about the FOC. I have written several blogs about the good things Followers do for each other, and today I am presenting another positive aspect of Follower life: bridal showers.

Have you been to a bridal shower? I’ve been to hundreds, and that’s not an exaggeration. The main event, the entertainment, consists of a time of blessing the virginal young bride. The bride and most of her bridesmaids stand on the pulpit in front of a long table overflowing with beautifully wrapped gifts, large and small. A card table stands at the end of the gift table and holds a basket full of cards stuffed with well wishes and money.

A young lady, one of the bridesmaids, sits at the card table. It is her job to record the gifts on each of the cards, so the bride can later send out thank-you cards. On the other side of the scribe, another bridesmaid stands at the microphone and reads out the names on the cards as the gifts are opened. A very sweet tradition is that many ladies will make beautiful gifts for the new bride, and when one of the homemade items is held up, the caller will say, “and she made it” and the five hundred or so ladies of all ages break into an appreciative applause.

Little girls, selected by the bride, serve as package carriers. They wait in line on the steps to the pulpit to receive the gifts and carry them down the benches to the left of the stage (where young boys and bachelor men sit during church services). The gift opening can last well over an hour.

One of the most exciting gifts are the ones the bride and her friends got to shop for themselves. In the weeks before the shower, bridesmaids will take a collection from ladies who want to donate money (en lieu of bringing a gift), and then take the bride out to pick out several nice outfits to start off her married life.

After the gifts are opened, the bride gives a thank you speech and welcomes the guests to enjoy the delicious food set out on the long tables in the back room. The girls and women visit, walk the isles of gifts admiring all the nice things the bride has received (especially the handmade items), and enjoy the wonderful banquet of food. The food provided at Follower events is impressive. Dozens of women volunteer to bring dishes to contribute special recipes, sweets, various snack foods, bowls of punch,  cheese balls, and vegetable trays.

It is one of the nice traditions and passages into adulthood to honor a young woman who has saved herself for marriage.