“A man works from sun
to sun, but a woman's work is never done.”
I don't
know who came up with that catchy quote, but I heard it often
throughout my formative years. It made me angry when I understood
what it meant. It meant that men had less work than women. It meant
that as a future woman, my lot in life was already settled. It meant
that a boy could grow up to be a wide variety of things, but I had no
options. I hated being female.
When I
turned thirteen and was old enough to dance at church parties, I was
often disappointed that the boys didn't choose to dance with me. The
girls had to stand in our corner and wait for boys to walk over and
tap us on the shoulder, signifying that he wanted to dance. We stood
in circles so that the boys could tap us from behind. But I was
rarely chosen for dances, except with my brothers who chose me out of
sympathy.
Mom had
a lot of advice for me on the subject of how to attract a boy. “You
have to smile a lot,” she advised, “and wear red. Boys like red.”
I remember one Sunday night, wearing my red dress and smiling the
entire two hours. It didn't work.
Another
thing my mom often told me was to act dumb around boys. That men and
boys didn't like girls and women who were smarter than them. What a
terribly defeating piece of advice. Didn't it matter what the girls
and women wanted out of a man? I would be lucky for anyone to dance
with me or date me. I didn't have a choice. I had to be dumber than
all the boys so I wouldn't intimidate them.
I hated
that my brothers worked outside and I was stuck with housework. I
wanted to mow the lawn, and help Dad in the garage. But, I had three
older brothers, and wasn't needed. I wanted to go on hikes and to go
hunting, but I wasn't invited because Dad had his boys.
After
school, my mom would tell my brother that he and I had to get the
house cleaned up. He always chose to clean the living room. It was
his choice. I got stuck with kitchen duty, while my brother was in
the other room watching television. He'd wait until the last moment,
then rush around and clean up some clutter in the living room.
That they may teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not
blasphemed.
Titus 2:4-5
I
didn't want to be stuck with no choices. I hated the lack of options
when it came to potential dates. That we weren't allowed to date
outsiders, so the boys had a monopoly and called all the shots. No
competition for them.
I hated
the thought of being a subservient woman. Of having to serve a man
and, worse than anything, obey him! But, I did want to be married.
There just weren't any other choices to be made. If I didn't marry, I
was expected to live with my parents. I wanted freedom.
But he that is greatest among you shall be your
servant.
Matthew 23:11
When I was a teenager, I got so frustrated at one of the dances that I complained to my friend, “Boys act like they're better than us.”
She looked at me and with a completely straight face said, “They are better.”
What the heck? She really believed that.
But then I found some comfort in the above and below quotes from the book of Matthew. I even brought it up with some of my friends and family members. But they acted horrified that I would suggest that women would someday be rewarded for their lack of status here on Earth. How could I suggest that women would be first in Heaven? Women would never be put before men.
But many that are first shall be last; and the
last shall be first.
Matthew 19:30
And that's true. I don't believe either gender will be put before
the other in the end. As the below quote from Galatians explains,
there will be no gender in heaven. That's something to be thankful
for!
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither
bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one
in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28
But as I've matured, I've had a lot of opportunities and options. But one option I never got was to be a keeper of the home. My not working outside the home just wasn't possible, for reasons that I cannot explain here. I had to work. Some would say that since I had to work, I shouldn't have brought children into this world to be raised by others. For the most part, though, my children were watched by my parents when I have had to work.
This school year is the first in my children's lives when, in essence, I am a keeper of the home. I have a teaching schedule that allows me to drop my kids off at school and drive to work, teach my classes, and then leaves time for me to pick the kids up after school. The timing couldn't be any better for my folks; they are ready to be just grandparents.
And something else I've learned by experience and getting to know a variety of people and their lifestyles is that being a homemaker is noble career choice. There are many happy, intelligent, educated women who choose to stay home and create a beautiful home for their families. They put their creative energy into making the best of what they have materially, making good food, and nurturing their children. The care, education, and guidance of my children is the accomplishment I am most proud of. It is the most difficult job I've ever had. It is worth every tear, frustration, worry, stress, and more to be the person God entrusts with such an important vocation.
So, do I think a woman's place is in the home? Ideally, yes. I admire women who do the job and make a beautiful art of their work. And, I admire men who treat their wives as equals, who respect the opinions and desires of their wives. A man who would put the happiness of his wife and family before his own happiness. A good and humble man makes a woman want to be his help-mate.
