Let Us Not Forsaking the Assembling of Ourselves Together

Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.

1 Timothy 5:5

One of the nicest Follower traditions was the annual Widow's Dinner. There were a number of older ladies who did not remarry after the death of their beloved. There were also a handful of older women who had been abandoned by husbands who rejected the church and left; women who stayed in the flock and remained faithful to the Follower beliefs, and celibate throughout several years. Some women were so strong that they were able to work and raise their children without a husband.



What about widowers? you may be wondering. The truth is, I don't remember any widowers. Men tended to remarry within a year or two after the deaths of their wives, young and old. Maybe my memory is failing me and there were some older widowed men. I also do not remember any men whose wives had left them and the church remaining single because in our interpretation of the Bible, men could be freed from a wife (free to remarry) if a woman left church or was unfaithful to him.



For the most part, women could not be freed to remarry except through widowhood. I knew of only two exceptions to this. One woman had been given permission by Walter White to remarry after she discovered that her husband had gone and married another woman (committing polygamy). The other woman left her husband after a few years of marriage and claimed that they had never consummated their marriage (she claimed he was a eunuch). It was controversial to many, but the woman did find a Follower man willing to marry her.



Back to the Widow's Dinner: every December the unmarried women – young and old gathered together for the Widow's Dinner. The teenaged girls (on up through twenty-somethings who were not married) prepared a nice multi-course dinner. Tables and chairs were set out in the old church building where the dances were then held. Decorations were put up and poinsettias were purchased as Christmas gifts for each of the widows.



The older faithful divorcees were included and treated as widows. They certainly deserved it for sticking it out in a couples' world and raising their children on their own. It was a time of fellowship with older women and honoring the ladies who had lost their husbands.

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hebrews 10:25

Mark Shumaker: A Room With Just One Door

My oldest brother, Mark, left  the Followers of Christ in 1998. He wrote this essay two years after leaving, and has given me permission to publish it here.

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February 2000

My most powerful experience with a cultural identity started when I was three and my parents joined the Followers of Christ Church in Oregon City. To understand the impact this church had on my life, you have to understand the church. Some might say this is a cult and they are an integral part of every facet of your life. The internal culture of the church was so all-encompassing and exclusionary that the best way I can think to relate it is to compare it to a room with just one door. Those within the room share a common worldview, and reject anyone that has a perspective slightly different than the accepted norm. Everyone in the room knows about the door but stays clear of it. To experience another perspective is tantamount to rejecting the church; to accept that a differing opinion has validity is like becoming purple. They are a tight-knit group that takes care of their own. Everything you do is based in the church. The members are your extended family. You are told to associate with the Followers, not worldly people. You are encouraged to work for a Follower whenever possible, you socialize with other Followers, every life changing moment is shared with other Followers. We weren’t allowed to go to doctors because our faith should be strong to see us through. We were only to marry someone from within the church, and everybody came to the wedding. It was its own culture, and it was mine as well. All this sounds wonderful except for the fact that if you were not born into the church, you lacked the status it took to rise to higher levels within the church. Higher education was discouraged due to the exposure to worldly ideas and knowledge. The women mostly stayed at home with the children. The church grounded their teachings on the Bible and at some time, all of the doctrines seemed to make sense. The Followers are a very close group, encouraging each other in times of death or illness. It is a kind of security blanket when growing up because you know that if your parents aren’t available for you and you need adult guidance, a friend’s dad or mom will be there for you.

            I played by the rules and was married in this environment, and I kept things going and held my family together until about two years ago. It was then that I discovered how hard it is to withdraw from this type of environment. My wife at the time did not want to adhere to the teachings of the church, in fact, she made it clear that she was rejecting everything I had ever believed or worked for. She made this clear through her actions; what she also made clear was that the marriage was over. I had to try to keep everything together for our family by myself. I made some conscious decisions about my life and the direction I wanted my children’s lives to take. Having one’s marriage fall apart is hard enough, by the idea of losing the backing of the church and my friends in the church was almost more than I could bear. The Followers of Christ church defined my whole world and they did not believe in divorce. There was no longer any place in the “room” for me, my only choice was to leave it. I chose to do so by opening the door. I did not know at that time that doing so would force me to reexamine everything that I ever held as truth or that I ever thought was important. I had to learn to trust others. I realized higher education was something I not only wanted but also deserved. The opportunity to make the best life for my kids and me was very important to me.

            It has been a long road, and it is not over. I do not know that it ever will be. Everything I do or experience I now see through two lenses. The worldview of my youth will most likely shade my perspectives for the rest of my life, but I am learning to view the world through lenses that are less restricting. I question my reactions to most new things to make sure that it is not left over from my previous indoctrination. Periodically I review my beliefs and I question them striving to be ever vigilant in what I accept as truth and what I let alter the course of my life. Since my divorce, I am better able to accept new things in my life. I have started going to a new church, am involved in the Cub Scouts (which wasn’t allowed for me as a youth) and I have a new relationship with a woman who had never heard of the Followers’ church before she met me. The daily walk can still be a tough one at times but I am happier and more self-assured than ever before.

We Are Going to Hell

I have spent my life fearing hell. You have to be baptized to avoid hell, we were told. You cannot be baptized because there is no preacher here.

So here is the story the elders and older folks told us so we wouldn’t live our lives in a panic: your parents were baptized, so you were “born holy.” Now all you must do is earn your way into Heaven. Avoid fornication by getting married in your teens. Avoid divorce, no matter how bad things are in your marriage. The rules in the bible do not release you from marriage if your husband abuses you or molests your children or other people’s children.

The only way out of marriage, for a woman, is the death of her husband. If her husband sleeps with other women, tsk tsk, she must not be putting out.

But for a man, it’s not so difficult to throw out a wife you don’t want. Just make her life miserable. She’ll leave. You can tell your children that their mother is going to hell (this has happened before – poor children). Now that you have been abandoned by a “non-believing” wife, choose a new victim – er wife.To be free, to start over, you have to convince the church of your innocence. Make the woman the villain. It was all her fault. She is guilty; you are innocent.

I understand the unforgivable sin to be blaspheming the Holy Spirit. But I always believed that divorce was the real unforgivable sin – for women.  A man can go on with his life if his wife cheats, she is cast out. He is still in. Just one of hundreds of double standards and biblical misinterpretations.

There was a young lady who committed a different “unforgivable sin.” Please forgive me for not having perfect recall about this incident. If I get something wrong, I am not lying, I am writing about something the way I remember it. If I get some details wrong, please be gracious in correcting me. I will change them. So this young woman, she was a few years older than me. Glenford was still alive, so our church had a form of leadership, but no real hope. No one to “save” us through baptism.

This girl was maybe fourteen (maybe?) and she had grown up like me, being told that salvation comes through a human who can bestow sanctification through full immersion baptism. Her father was a controversial man – a friend to Tom Nichols – and someone who had his own ideas – gasp! Her father had been entertaining a man who claimed to be a “called apostle.” The church didn’t accept the man – he wasn’t from Oregon City, so how could his claim be authentic?

Well this young lady listened to the man who was spending time with her family. She asked him to baptize her. And he did. When the church discovered that she had been baptized by this “false prophet” she was done for. Going to Hell for sure. Her fate was sealed.

She continued attending the church services, but the girls her age were told by their parents to shun her. Better not speak to a damned child, it might rub off. What was she to do? She was part of our church. This was her life. This was all she knew. Except that she had done the unthinkable.

After hearing all her life that she needed baptism for salvation, she had done it. She had done was she was told she needed to do. And in doing so, she had committed an unforgivable sin. She would be damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t. Only by doing so, she was to endure hell within the church. Shunned.

She wasn’t my age, but she started sitting by the girls my age because she couldn’t endure the shunning her former friends were enacting against her. I asked my mom what to do and she told me that I could say hello to her at church.  I was glad for that. I always said hello. But I didn’t say anything else. “Hello” was all that was authorized. I wasn’t much of a conversationalist anyway.

Of course, the young lady didn’t last too long. I don’t remember when or how she left. Maybe she just sat with her parents at church after a while. Of course she left. She had been condemned. There is no living through that. There would be no period of shunning followed by reincorporation. She had committed the unforgivable.

There is no such thing as being “born holy” unless you’re Jesus. And even Jesus was baptized. But don’t fool yourself into thinking baptism is what saves you. We all deserve hell. Every mortal person deserves it. That is why Jesus died.

This analogy is not my own. I have heard it from others. I’m sorry I do not know where it originated, but it has helped me to comprehend the good news of Jesus Christ. Imagine that you are standing before a judge (God). You are being accused by the district attorney (Satan) for your crimes / sins. Jesus is your attorney. For every sin that Satan accuses you of, Jesus responds by saying, “I have paid.”

We all deserve to die. We cannot save ourselves. Only the blood of Jesus can pay for our sins. Without Jesus, we are damned. What will you choose? To try and defend yourself for crimes you are guilty of or accept the free gift of Jesus? I have made my choice. I deserve Hell, I have deserved it since I was in second grade or so, but I’m not going. Thank you, Jesus, for paying the price.

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God

Romans 3:23-25

They Put This Church To Sleep

Here is another letter from 1998 or 1999. It is not signed, but is in the same handwriting and writing style as the one letter Tom Nichols did sign. Names have been shortened to initials to protect the privacy of anyone mentioned, though anyone in the church will be able to discern who it is - these same insiders have had access to the letters, so it should not be new information. In the case of the man who is mentioned / condemned throughout the letter, I only used his first initial.

* * * * *

Circa 1998/1999

Brethren,

Due to ever-growing fake doctrine taking over in this church more and more, I will speak out. It start with D., in the back room of this church condemning and making fun of W.S. and his wife for letting their daughter leave their home (afterwards they kicked K.H. out of their home) who was going to try and get back with her husband B.H.. In simple words, D. did not believe according to Walter White who marriages together not split them.

But of D., out of his heart, he spoke his true feelings and was condemning B.H. and his wife getting together and trying to save their souls and marriage. But D. changed like a double minded man he is. He made people believe after he showed his hate and unbelief on their marriage. Someone told D. he was wrong. Why? Because after four to five days, he told people he was 100% behind this marriage being put back together.

Who was this person or people that told D. he was wrong? Why and if they can change D.’s mind on this marriage why can’t they change his mind on all the other marriages 20 or 30 who the elders destroyed these marriages and D. was backing the elders all the way and the last thirty years. He should tell G.W. and S.H. like he told W.S. and their children they were wrong and K.W.’s marriage to B.W. should have been saved. But no, D. stuck his nose in the marriage and the family and taught hate and teachings against that marriage.

What is the difference between these two families? Is it blood or water? Walter White would have put these marriages together. No, not D., he is a double minded man in all of his teachings and destroyed that marriage. Like the elders taught and tore apart.

I talked to a man in this church and I did not believe him when he said there were thirty or more marriages that the elders judged and condemned those marriages to Hell. Like I can read what Walter White preached and saved marriages by staying together and repenting and helping each other per chance God would let them make themselves a vessel to honor.

People will follow D. just like they followed the elders’ gunk and tore down Walter White’s teaching. Walter White put marriages together – and the count [of destroyed marriages] none against him. The elders count of destroying all those filthy men and women’s marriages, 30 and still counting.

Ask anyone in this church what good thing or honest thing that helped this church or people. Which elder and how many teachings you can name. None. They put this church to sleep. Believe it or not, we will all find out at the end of time. Another hate and try to get control of people.

Brethren are having dreams and visions of other brethren condemning them for doing the right thing and asking and talking for a preacher for their children. And they warn these unruly brethren not to teach their children or tell them that they need a preacher. Glory be to self-righteousness. It is like the scripture says, they will love the one with fine clothing and words of praise, the easy way is not to have religion because it is so much easier to sing songs and no scripture be read which would only condemn 99% of the church.

So they wait on God and don’t do anything like D.’s way. Because it is easy. No cross to bear, just sit back and be admired. Who did call D. and all these men who follow? D., who has backed the elders not Walter White. For the past 35 years, what has been talked and taught? Not wanting a preacher, no! Just be contented and sleep on!

What these men in this church are teaching, no preacher and be happy. They are falling and fell away and believed those lying elders when Walter passed away, and they are also perverting the word of God.

So this is some of the lies and gunk which has happened and being taught.

Unsigned

Why People Leave

Many ex-Followers tell the media that they left the church because they were tired of seeing children dying, but I don't remember anyone leaving for that reason. Sure, many Followers are upset about it and secretly disagree with it. But they don't leave for that reason. If you read this, and you’re an exception, please feel free to respond and tell your story. I don’t claim to know what everyone is thinking or feeling.

Here is a list of the top five reasons I believe people leave:

1.      Freedom. A young women comes of age, eighteen years old, graduates from high school and finds no suitable husband. We are raised to know our place as women, and that is in the home, as somebody’s wife. Women are not to move out of their parents’ homes and live independently, they are to go from a father ruling over them to a husband. Related to this, we have been witness to hundreds of wedding ceremonies where young women – usually seventeen or eighteen years old – are asked if they will “love, honor, and obey” their husbands. That always pissed me off. To think I would have to obey one of those ignorant boys – ew!

2.      Divorce. Divorce is not accepted among the Followers. If a couple divorces, regardless of who is at fault, typically the woman leaves church, via shunning. If a man commits adultery, the Followers interpret the Bible to say that his wife can either forgive him, or divorce him and live a celibate life. If a woman commits adultery, the man can throw her out and get a new wife. If a man feels his wife is disobedient he can use physical punishment. Not every man does this, but plenty do. If a man wants to divorce his wife, he can usually just do it and wait until she leaves. Once she has left church, he is considered “free” to remarry. Women can only remarry if their spouse dies.

3.      Sin. Some people leave because they want to do things that are unacceptable as a Follower. Some identify as homosexual, which is not tolerated by the FOC. Some, mostly young men, want to date around (have premarital sex) without being tied down as a husband and father.

4.      Faith. There have been a number of families who have left to become “born-again Christians.” I know of maybe two ex-Followers who say they do not believe in God. We believe, but come to realize that the rest of the world is not necessarily damned to Hell just because they weren’t born into that Oregon City group. Followers often have to go through counseling or some other form of “de-programming” to realize that they can accept Jesus as their personal savior and be assured of salvation. We were taught from early childhood that the only way to heaven was to be baptized by a preacher who was “called” to preach by God himself with many outward signs, such as speaking in tongues, seeing visions, etc. This preacher would have to be called from inside the Followers of Christ church since the rest of the world is damned already and this man’s  “calling” would have to be confirmed by other Follower men of good standing, through dreams or visions of confirmation. While some Followers leave to attend other churches, others leave for less reputable causes (divorce/freedom) and then come to find a personal relationship with Jesus later. I think most ex-Followers consider themselves Christians.

5.      Apathy. After attending a “church” where there has been no religious teaching for more than twenty years, many people just don’t see the point of going. This one probably is tied to the desire for freedom as well. Why let this group control you? Many apathetic Followers still attend church but do as they please behind closed doors. After all, they would be giving up too much to officially leave – friends, family, and security.

So these are the motives I know of why people leave. In my next post, I write about why people stay.