Pandyce McCluer: The Widowed Church



Pandyce (at 18)

Pandyce McCluer was a longtime resident of Oregon City who grew up with neighbors and classmates who were members of the Followers of Christ church. She and her alumni have been puzzled since adolescence by former friends who systematically withdrew from all relationships with anyone who wasn't an FOC church member, and have been very grateful for the edification and insight provided by this blog, which has helped to explain and dispel some of the myths and mysteries that have surrounded this particular group for years, and has set to rest questions which have haunted her generation for four to five decades. She can be reached at: themfolk@seasurf.net.

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Most of my memories of friends and schoolmates that grew up in the FOC church are pleasant and positive ones; they all seemed to be willing to do the right thing when called upon to do so and were almost entirely cheerful and without guile or ill intent. There are a couple of notable exceptions, but the problem wasn't that they were FOC, but that they were boys, plain and simple.

The person I missed the most was beautiful, intelligent and funny, and so far as I know she married at 16 or so and had children by the time the rest of us graduated. Her family was very protective of her, and she made it clear before she disappeared entirely that this was a future she had chosen, and to be honest I rather envied her - her life was certain and strongly encouraged and supported by her family, while my family viewed me with a sink-or-swim attitude and my future was largely dream and guesswork to say the least. :)

I am willing to accept and believe that the people who comprise the body of the FOC were motivated with best intentions because of my association with their children, however briefly, and because a lifetime of exposure to churched people has made me conscious of the fact that no one seeks the will of God without a certain degree of hope and optimal intent on some level; that a few people whose motives may beg scrutiny inevitably struggle for control while most of the congregation are as sheep - the flock.

This church can best be described as having been widowed, since Walter White died rather than having left. However, the church's not refilling the pulpit offers two possible interpretations - one is of a faithful wife who will accept no other husband, the other of a wife who has had her fill of forced (rather than inspired) subservience and is glad for the breathing room.

Yes, it is possible that she sees her fallen pastor as irreplaceable. It's possible that since some or many see genetic descent as the only route to heaven besides baptism by a prophet, that moving on without leadership is the essence of living on faith. But is it also possible that deep down, some of the staunchest defenders of this stance don't pray for a new preacher lest their beliefs be found wrong, that they would have to admit that at some point they had to have been mistaken, misinformed, or perhaps even (gasp!) lied to. That would shake the faith of anyone, if not totally disrupt their whole view of life, both here and in heaven.

The fact that the church's doctrine isolated its members from other churches suggests a scenario ripe for exploitation. I don't know if you are aware of the psychological ramifications of this, but all potential abusers isolate their victims before beginning an emotional, mental and/or physical assault.

I think all churches do this to some degree, whether intentionally or not. It is the nature of humans to set forth the truth as they know it in proper order, and then to distort rules and stretch boundaries forever thereafter.

However, the one conclusive measure of any church family is the health of the people within it. One definition of "dysfunctional family" that I find particularly useful is 'one in which the people and dynamics fail to provide each member with the resources, tools and skills necessary to function in the real world'. As such, I can see where the church, acting as the Bride of Christ, might refuse another preacher who brings the threat of a doctrine that fails to provide for true needs, both her own and of the children from her former union. In certain cases, I have seen it be just an end to strife, to shame, to abuse, neglect, abandonment, ridicule, chastisement, etc, or just to end the damaging cycles brought about by an ineffective, inappropriate or ill-equipped pastor. Or husband, as the case may be.

Whatever the cause, there is a reason why the FOC church has not simply failed to pray for and seek a preacher, but has consistently refused to do so. That the pulpit remains in place and unchanged is testament to this, I think; a visual reminder of "where we stand on this issue" that goes beyond a widow's keeping a beloved husband's photo beside her bed; rather, in addition, she keeps setting a place for him at the table each meal, and no one sits at the head of the table. A bride (theoretically) would have only her father's counsel (the bible) and her husband's memory to go on. A bride seeking solace and peace and healing from a longstanding history of troubled relationships would avoid both.

Something that this blog hasn’t clearly addressed, and that I don't imagine you have access to inside information on, is whether or not there is a ruling body of acting elders and deacons in the church now. If so I would love to be a fly on the wall at one of their meetings and see if the topics discussed are relevant to the real world, or if it's mostly domestic "housekeeping" issues that ignore the wolf at the door.

I recently got together with two former OCHS classmates, one of whom I haven't seen in 27 years. We reminisced about people we haven't seen or heard from since our youth, and when the conversation turned to former friends who disappeared into the workings of the FOC church, we all became somber and reflective and recalled them with wistful affection, and then discussed what we now know about the FOC church (most of which came from this blog) and what we have been able to learn of their fates and so were able to lay to rest their memories, but also at the same time to continue to hold them dear. We can accept that we may never see or speak to them again, and that they did what they felt they had to do. As outsiders, that's all we can hope for, but you have given us at least some ease of heart, and I know we aren't the only ones.

One more thing - I have lived for what is getting to be a rather long time, and in the span of my life I have seen people pick up and read a bible and then do some really crazy things as a result of what they've read. The most common is taking up the belief of being "chosen", and I've learned not to judge anyone acting on their convictions. If we are all eligible for inclusion in the Book of Life, then we all have some tentative and hopeful claim to being chosen, and therefore may well become subject to actions compelled by that belief or knowledge. I also know that the gospels say that we are made strong in our weakness, so even if it's a wrongful self-assessment we have taken upon ourselves, we are given the promise of righteousness being forged from our errors. We are all no more than sow's ears bearing the hope of becoming silk purses.

So if the FOC church is stumbling blindly and in error, rest assured that as a Bride of Christ, she will not forever be forgotten, but that a time will come when she sees clearly, walks straight and sure, and is confused and mistaken no longer. We all cling to that promise. We all cling to the same cross. We all wait for the Bridegroom to return and to wipe away our tears - to make all wrongs right, even our own.

Your Sister in Christ,
Panda

P.S. Thank you for letting me vent and share with you. I wanted to offer to you sustenance and encouragement, since final and full closure may not come for decades, if at all. The loss of friends has been born by my generation for decades, and without any sense of reason or any manner of explanation, but your involvement and investment makes these issues all the more deep and painful.

Remember that the sins of youth are only condemnable if having passed from childhood into adulthood you choose to remain faithful to what does not prove true. Forgive yourself, so that you can forgive others, and so that all may be forgiven as is in keeping with the family of the one true living and loving God.