The truth is, I'm just not feeling it these days. I finished my book a year ago and haven't touched it since. So, it's not exactly finished-finished. It was finished enough to pass as an MFA thesis. It was approved by much better writers than me. It went through professional edits. But, it isn't in the condition I want it to be.
And all that kind-of stinks because I have an agent waiting to read my book - and I don't want to hand it over. I want to fix dozens of things (yes, I have a list) and add several scenes. But, without the 30 pages/month requirements I once had, writing tends to fall to the bottom of my to-do list.
I'm letting my dreams slip away. It's depressing and overwhelming and even embarrassing.
Most people have long since stopped asking me about my book. So, in case anyone out there is wondering: my book hasn't changed in a year. It's sort-of finished. Good enough to earn a terminal degree and qualify me to teach undergraduates. But not good enough to show the world.
And that ties in with this blog - I won't publish excerpts of my book here because that's a rip off to anyone who eventually reads the book.
And I'm a bit weary of writing about the Followers. Honestly, they bore me. What's left to say? I'm tired of hearing from community members (and current members) about them sneaking their children (and themselves) to medical clinics. Good for them for doing the right thing. Bad for them for being too chicken to admit it. We're all hypocrites in some way, I suppose.
I'll write something next Sunday. Probably.
I hope you find the motivation to finish your book so that you can show it to the world.
ReplyDeleteYou're an amazing person, a compelling writer, & one of the strongest people I've ever known. Your story deserves to be heard, and I can't wait to buy the first hundred copies. Please don't let anyone take your dreams. Anyone.
ReplyDeleteWhat he said.
DeleteThanks for the post. As an artist, for years I never showed my work. It needed to be perfect. I now post a painting a day like it or not and I don't look back. Can I just ask you to take a leap of faith. Hand the book over to the agent. Let the editor do his job. Let your voice be heard. Be brave. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay, Suzi, I know how you feel. The MFA is an intense two-year run from idea to complete manuscript. Of course you're burned out; I was too. I graduated five years ago, and I haven't touched my manuscript either. You needed this down-time. Don't send yourself on a guilt trip about it, but don't give up on it either. You will want to work on it again, and when you do, embrace that desire and run with it. Your story is an important one that needs to be shared with the world.
ReplyDeleteSuzi, I first discovered the desire to write 44 years ago this past August. I dabbled with ideas and concepts during the intervening years, but managed nothing more than two or three really bad short stories. My first completed novel sits in the corner of my flash drive, and my thesis novel which is propelling me through the MFA program, in conjunction with an 80 hour work week, has left me feeling exhausted and at the edge. The good news - something that I HAVE discovered after all these years is that the passion and the need to write keeps coming back: first as a tickle to your subconscious and then more like a whack on the back of the head. So take the downtime without guilt, and rest assured that the need and desire to pick up your story is on its way back to you even if you can't feel it yet.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement and support, Gary.
DeleteSuzi, I have yet to publish a book, but I've read time and again that it's almost always an anticlimax to writing it, most recently in South Of Normal by Norm Schriever, so don't let that discourage you from sending it for review and (hopefully) acceptance.
ReplyDeleteAs for it not being what you want it to be yet, that's what second editions are all about. Books can change and evolve as the author's perspectives change.
Renee is right. When I was pursuing my art degree, one of the things we were required to do was hang our work in public venues, and participate in group critiques of everyone's work. It sounds like your work has been critiqued and is ready for public exposure.
And Steve is right - don't let your dreams fade to nothing. You brought it this far, why not send it on its way? Your part of the work in telling the story is done. If there was a purpose in writing it at all, it needs to be shared.
But probably most important is that you felt the need to commit your story to written form for a reason. In the interests of finding closure and moving on, you probably should release it, but no one can make that decision except you. Follow your joy. What does your heart tell you is the right thing to do, even if you don't particularly relish the idea of doing it?
Not as fun when no followers take your bait? Now you are calling them "chicken" to try to get them to lash back. You are pitifull.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, huh? So who's the more pitiful? You have no idea what you're talking about!
Delete"they bore me". I think you bore yourself. When you felt like you were getting under their skin you wrote all the time. Now you can tell that ,once again, the foc have forgot about you now they bore you... Lol
ReplyDeleteAnother anonymous! If you have something to say, you should say who you are, otherwise don't bother.
DeleteSuzi,
ReplyDeleteI understand completely. I'm going through the same thing. It's nice to know you're not alone. You want to exchange manuscripts sometime? It's nice to have a new set of eyes to help get you motivated. Let me know. And hang in there.