Perfection [not] Required

Recently, a Follower posted this comment on my blog:

“People on this blog paint a nice picture of themselves and their family that is not entirely correct.”

I want to clarify for the entire world that I am far from perfect. I have made many regretful mistakes. My memoir does not sugar coat my life, and I don’t go easy on myself. It’s a testimony of my struggles to overcome the damning thoughts that had been imprinted on my brain throughout my early years, giving up on achieving salvation (thus the title “I’m Going to Hell for This”), and finally discovering and accepting the free gift of grace. I know that sounds too easy to be true, but it is true.

Do you think that God only uses so-called “perfect” people to do his work? There has been only one perfect person – Jesus. The rest of us are guilty sinners.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

John 3:17

What is God’s work? The Great Commandment:

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Mark 12:30-31

Very closely related to the great commandment is the Great Commission:

And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.

Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Matthew 28:18-20

It is a sign of a changed heart to care about those who despise you. To want them to know the love and peace of Jesus. I am not on a mission to convince anyone to leave the FOC, but if my testimony and the testimonies of others through this blog can help even one person to know that they’re loved and wanted by God, then all the insults and accusations are worth it.

I am not perfect or sinless. I never have been, and unfortunately I never will be. A saved person doesn’t become perfect, but God does work in that person’s life, convicting the person’s heart. The way it feels for me is that I can still make wrong choices, but those choices bring sadness into my heart – I don’t enjoy the things I once enjoyed. An example of this is that my favorite drink before I accepted Jesus’s grace was a Vodka Martini – extra olives. A few months after making my commitment, I was out with some friends and ordered a Martini – it tasted terrible. I couldn’t even take a second sip. I believe that is how God works: he doesn’t stop us from making wrong choices, but as we put our faith in him, he makes saying “no” to those wrong choices easier.

I did not start a blog to criticize anyone. I started it to tell my own story and explore my own history. My history, the first twenty-one years of my life and further back in my folks’ history, began with the FOC. This is not a forum to say bad things about any person or put anyone on the defensive. Some of the comments hurt my feelings, but I know that the comments do not reflect on me, but on the person making the jabs – a person/people who are so insecure and scared that they hide their own identity while hurling insults and accusations. Why don’t I block anonymous comments like most blogs do? Because I don’t want to prevent anyone from joining the conversation – whether anonymous or by name. Whether in agreement or vehement disagreement.

Was the Walter White the only perfect man? No, he wasn’t perfect – he wasn’t God. Are you waiting for a perfect, sinless, man? He has already come – Jesus. You will not find another Walter, but you will find salvation. It’s free and available to you.

I am so glad that Jesus loves me – Jesus loves even me! That is not bragging – or maybe it is. It is my greatest personal, lifelong accomplishment!

Spiritual Warfare

I don’t doubt that there are spirits – angels and demons – among us. I have seen a few spirits. Maybe we all have, unknowingly:

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Hebrews 13:2

In two instances I saw the spirits of people I had known – one looked like himself and was sitting where he would be expected to be (if he were still alive), the other I saw come out of her body in the moment of her death. I have also had some interesting experiences with stranger ghosts. One of them happened while I was driving on Highway 99 in Sherwood, a man hit the windshield of my car – I heard the sound and saw his face on my windshield in front of me. I slammed on the brakes to check out the situation only to discover there was no man, no blood, and no damage to my car. But on the side of the road stood a small white cross which, I believe, marks the death place of the spirit I saw hitting my car.

Growing up, I heard stories about people who encountered demons. One young man had been lying on his bed listing to AC/DC – a band that was forbidden due to the belief that it was a devil worship band – he closed his eyes and when he opened them, he saw demons walking over his stomach and all over his bedroom. Another young man revealed a similar story of demons in his bedroom when he had been looking at pornography. I heard many such stories of people who were heading in the wrong direction actually seeing demons and being scared back on to the straight and narrow.

But, I believe there are demons among us that most of us don’t see or sense. Though I once met a woman who said she could see demons attached to people. The demons had different agendas – some lust, some greed, some depression, etc. Please don’t read that list to imply that I think depression is a sin or a sign of demon possession – I’m not asserting that. I do think it’s possible that some forms of depression may be spiritual.

Several years ago, I read Frank Peretti’s books This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness. These are novels – fiction – but like the Left Behind series which fleshed out the way one Bible Scholar/Theologian interpreted the Book of Revelation, Peretti’s novels are biblically based fiction – story lines and particulars that are possible – who knows.

Have you read these books? If you are interested in spiritual warfare, I recommend these two books. I would love to hear from any who have had experiences with spirits.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Since I began this blog a year ago, I have received many emails from people both inside the group and outsiders who want to help their friends and acquaintances. The questions I get most often are: “Should I leave?” and “How do I help my friend get out?”

Contrary to what many people may assume about me, I am not on a mission to create a mass exodus. Do I think you should leave? I don’t know. How can you help someone else make that decision? I don’t know. It depends on your age, family situation, and tolerance for rejection.

Although, I am not on a mission to tell people what to do with their lives, since I’ve been asked this question so many times, I have created a decision chart to help individuals consider the variables. If you click the flowchart, you will be able to read it more clearly.

Disclaimer: this chart is intended for examination purposes only and should not be considered personal advice. In the words of Dr. Phil: "do not replace my judgement for your own."

If you are seriously considering leaving, please seek the spiritual counsel of an ordained minister or pastor.

Daniel Mitchell: Calling Me A Bigot Makes You One Too

Today's guest blogger, Daniel Mitchell, is a SNHU MFA student and fiction writer from the backwoods of Oklahoma where he lives with his wife and son. He can be reached at idgilepsi@yahoo.com.

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A Message to Every Idiot on Facebook, Especially the Ones I Love.

          I have fondness and respect for you all or you wouldn't be on my friends list, but your refusal to see that belittling anyone for having different beliefs than yours doesn't make you enlightened, special, or particularly educated. What saddens me most is that those of you most guilty of this are the ones who see yourself as open-minded, liberal, and accepting.

          No one in the world agrees with or supports your every opinion and self-chosen cause.  If they do, they’re selling something or trying to get you into bed.  The more you lambast people for failing to see social issues through the same eyes you do, the more you proclaim your own ignorance, bigotry, and hate.

          Before you applaud these statements, please understand, I’m talking to you, whether you are redneck, Christian, racist, gay, straight, purple, or obssesively passionate about puppies. 

          Preaching about your support of whatever cause you claim to champion and then calling someone else a hatemonger for having a different opinion is without a doubt the most close-minded, assinine ignorance imaginable. 

          Most importantly, whatever your stance, on whatever issue, stop Googling verses from the Bible to support your babbling fascism.  You missed the point of the Bible or you wouldn’t be defiling it by using it to support your rotting soapbox.

          You want respect and acceptance?  Try showing some.

Daniel Mitchell

A Letter From Walter White

Boise, Idaho

July 19, 1939

Dear Brother Lawrence and Sister Vera,

I hope this shock doesn’t affect your heart. It’s seldom anyone gets to read my handwriting so I hope you are able. And this finds you feeling well and happy and enjoying those things God has provided you. Yet a little while and he that cometh will come and will not tarry. God showed me you and Vera! You was playing sweet music from a harp. Vera raised up, she looked tired and weary and said to me, “Oh, I’m tired!” I said to her, “There remaineth a rest for the people for the people of God.” Then we began to dance out in a green pasture and the spirit guided us as we danced. It just seemed wonderful. It was perfect. You was still playing music on the harp. I hope and pray the time will come when I can see you play that new harp in the kingdom of God. My prayer to God is you brethren never get weary in well doing, but with faith, hope, and charity enter the kingdom. I believe the more we suffer and sacrifice her for Christ, the bigger the reward. As brother George said when he was talking in meeting, he said, I believe in degree in hell and also degrees in heaven. So that gives me hope of one degree. I hope I miss the fire. I wish I was there with you, it would be easier for me to talk. But God knows what is best for us. All things worketh together for good to them that love the lord. Elven and Mary was out last night, had supper with us. They seem to be having trials too.

Lawrence, we must be the people John seen coming up through great tribulations having their garments washed and made white in the blood of the Lamb.

Don’t never get tired of your [unreadable] God has given you. Nor slowfull but always fervent in the spirit. Always patient toward all men. Gentle, an example to all the brethren. That you might save yourself and your house. Uncle George told us in meeting he seen Brother Charley Smith and Brother Marion Reece appear to him just like an angel. They were talking together about the church. I hope we will be worthy to be with them soon and see all the brethren rejoicing with our lord. The brethren are pretty well here now. We haven’t had much sickness this summer as yet. I hope the brethren down there are not getting slowful in coming to meeting and are able to receive the food God has for them by them he has chosen to feed them. “If you love me feed my sheep, feed my lambs.” Brother Lawrence I hope we are worthy and able and when the chief shepherd shall appear we shall receive a crown of life. I feel like many times I’m to [sic] home in the body and absent from the lord.

I have been working pretty steady since I came without much wages, but I'm living so I guess I should be contented. I don’t know when I will be able to be with you brethren again. I hope it won’t be too long. I sure have a desire to see you all. May God be with you and your family and kinsmen and all the brethren is my earnest prayer.

Pray for us.

Good bye,

Walter and Family

Sunday Night Parties

Old Church Building
Where the Dances Were Held Until 1999

Our church had dances every Sunday night during the school year that we called the Sunday Night Party. There were several bands, made up of teenage boys and adult men. The bands were good - they played old Rock and Roll and Country music.

Girls had to be thirteen to dance and boys had to be fourteen. At the dances, the girls would stand in one corner, the boys would stand or sit opposite the girls. Boys would come and tap a girl on the shoulder by way of asking her to dance.

Once or twice a year the twelve-year-old girls and thirteen-year-old boys would be invited to dance lessons in the old church building. When I was there, dances were held in the old church - they are now held in the back of the new church sanctuary - an addition was added to the back of the church about the time I left church (late 1999-early 2000) because the fire code did not allow for the amount of people who crowded into the old building for special occasions.

Front of the New Building

Every other Friday night, year round, young virginal couples could marry at church and a dance would follow the wedding. Nearly every special occasion featured a dance as well: Halloween (with full costumes), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (all night until 6:00am), Valentine's Day, Easter, and our own version of Prom. The special occasion and weddings were events that often included dates afterward. Boys would also ask girls out for "carloads" after the Sunday night parties - where a group of kids would go down to Shari's and eat snacks or dessert.



For a while I loved the Sunday Night Parties, for the first few years. But as I got older, I came to hate them. I hated waiting around for a boy to ask me to dance. I hated that when the band would call out "Ladies' Choice" the boys would go outside to smoke. I hated getting dressed up only to be rejected. I especially disliked the expectation that I would continue to go to these teenage events after I was eighteen, nineteen, twenty. There was just no place to fit in for a young adult who was not married or engaged.

Back of the New Building
Where the Dances are Now Held

In the Idaho FOC, there are no dances. Couples do not even get married at church. Most of the members do not believe dancing is an appropriate activity - quite the difference considering the Oregon City group originated in Idaho. The young adults in Idaho do socialize with each other, but the church doesn't keep them nearly as organized and scheduled as in Oregon City. I'm told they also associate with people from outside the church and can marry whomever they choose. 

Maggie's Baptism

My sister-in-law, Maggie Smith Shumaker, has written three other guest blogs. For today's blog, I asked her to tell the story of her own baptism. For those of us born and raised in the Oregon City FOC group, the decision to be baptized is not an easy one. Please read on to understand the emotional and spiritual struggle that is typical of those who have left this group with so many unanswered questions.

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I think the first conversation I can recollect about baptism with an adult was my mom telling me there would be a way made for us younger ones that were not baptized. I think I was 11 or 12 because I was given a thin black King James New Testament and I had been reading it at night in bed. All this reading about baptism, and I didn't understand why or how or when someone would get baptized.

We sang songs at church about being washed in the blood of the lamb, so I thought baptism would wash me clean. I needed to be cleaned from all the lies I told and how mean I was to my friends.  We sang about gathering at the river, and I dreaded having to go into a river in my church clothes. I was told about a "tank" in a storage room where we played as kids. I couldn't see it, but I'd heard people talk about it. That's where the preacher had baptized other people. But no one used it anymore. No one was allowed to baptize anyone else. I was scared to think about having to go into that tank.

The next conversation I can remember was with a friend's mother, at her house, in her dining room. Not sure of the age, I believe I was driving age, but could have been about 14. I'm not sure what happened to spark the topic, but she assured my friend and I that we could possibly be baptized in the rain. God could do anything, and with His power, the rain would make us clean.  I asked, "So, we could be baptized and not even know it?" she assured me, God had that power. I didn't doubt that power, I knew He was powerful and I was scared to death of Him coming back at the end of time.

In 1993, I started a relationship with my best friend. He talked about baptism, wanting to be baptized so badly. I hadn't thought about it much just that I knew I should be. There was no way to be baptized in our church. My companion prayed for it daily. He prayed for a preacher to baptize him. So, I joined him in praying. We were married and then had two children.

Within a few years, I believed the same as my companion. I earnestly wanted to be baptized. There wasn't a way for us in the church we attended to be baptized. If Jesus were baptized, then I should be too. If He didn't care if people were baptized, He wouldn't have instructed them to do so.

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
Mark 16:16-18

In 1999, this led us in our search for a church. We left in search of the "right church" with someone that that could baptize us. We went all of 750 miles away to a place called Idaho Falls for my husband's job. We searched for churches that believed in full submersion baptism, like they did in the Bible.

"Let's go there." I said, as we drove past Gethsemane Baptist. "They believe we need to be baptized." I added.

We attended Gethsemane for several months, but the preacher there would not baptize me. I was supposed to be born again, saved, and knew for sure I was going to heaven BEFORE he would allow me to be baptized. We couldn't take part in the Lord's Supper until we were baptized. “Well, I'll never believe that...no one can know that they're going to Heaven for sure." I'm doomed!  The more I heard of it, the more I believed that I was saved. Jesus actually died on the cross to pay for the sins of everyone on the planet, so that meant me! I prayed with a lady at church, told my husband, "I believe I'm saved, and I don't care what you think." Wow...what a Godly example!  It took me awhile to believe this for real, as I still couldn't believe that would keep me out of hell, and promise me eternity in Heaven. We kept attending until we found something more along the lines of our beliefs.

A few months later, and a much longer story, we started attending Followers of Christ in Marsing, ID. By March 2001, after my husband had been baptized there, I knew this was where I was going to be baptized.

It wasn't a hot day, but warm and sunny. Church was warm, but again, I was eight months pregnant with my daughter. The last song was called, and we all stood, I was filled with excitement that if they were going to ask for people to give their hearts to Jesus, I would be one of them. I wanted to live for Jesus for the rest of my life, and by living for Jesus, it meant I get to be baptized. Something I'd wanted for about eight years. The time had come, they gave the invitation to give them your hand, and give your heart to Jesus Christ. I smiled at my husband, and he patted my back. I walked up to the pulpit, after about two or three had already gone up. I stood up there, shaking, crying, so elated that I was going to get to be baptized, and have the pureness of what my husband had.

I believe, if I remember correctly, there were 13 baptized that afternoon. It was a beautiful day. We lined up around the water at a couple's house that had lots of property. It was private, and a natural spring, that didn't freeze over in the winter. Everyone sang a song, and watched as each person walked into the water, and was baptized by the preacher that dunked them under and rose them up again. Then, it was my turn. I was very seriously praying that God would help me feel "something". I wasn't sure what it would feel like, but I wanted some feeling.

As I stood there, chilled by the cool water, up to my chest, I bowed my head as the preacher prayed. I kept praying for God to let me feel something. I think I was more concerned about "feeling" something than anything. I don't know why.  I can't remember the exact words, since I was praying in my head, but the preacher said something like "Sister Maggie, I baptize you in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost." (I think)

As I went down under the water, with my eyes closed, and brought back up, I saw a brightness. It was like I could see the sky but couldn't make anything out but light. Then, I was upright again, and so happy. I went to meet my husband at the shore and he wrapped me in a blanket.

There were more that day, and when everyone that wanted to be baptized was done, there was meeting more people, "greeting" them, as they came to greet me with a holy kiss. Now I was baptized, and COULD greet people that were also baptized.

After we left the property where the baptisms were, we went back to my cousin's for a potluck. Then, later that evening, we went back to the church for the Lord's Supper and foot washing. As tradition, every time there is baptism, there is a meeting with the supper and foot washing. I'd experienced this when my husband was baptized. It was beautiful and I wanted to partake of it so badly, but when he was baptized, I was not. I couldn't join. All I could do was sing the songs they called out as the feet were being washed.

Before the supper and foot washing, they had all that were baptized that day sit up on the pulpit. There was the laying on of hands to do before we could move forward. The giving of the Holy Spirit. As both preachers approached me, and put their hands on my head, I closed my eyes as they prayed. I just prayed for a "feeling". I wanted to feel like I'd been struck by the hand of God himself as that Holy Spirit went into me and lived inside me.

We all sat back down, and put our coats on.  John 13:4: “He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself.” If He laid aside His garment, He had taken something off. We used coats to signify a garment.

So, the preachers stood on the pulpit and blessed the bread that symbolized Jesus body. They broke the big pieces of bread that had been made earlier that afternoon and placed the pieces on a tray.

They blessed the wine after pouring it in a large stein.  The Elders passed a tray of unleavened bread and we took a piece and ate it. Then came a large stein of wine. We took a sip and passed it on to the next person. After we took the supper, we removed our coat.

When everyone had partaken of the Lord's Supper, the woman gathered at the front of the building, and the men at the back of the building, as in line to have their feet washed.

After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.

John 13:5

Each woman, (where I was sitting and could see) would wrap a towel around themselves and drape part of it over their shoulder. One woman sitting on a bench, and one kneeled down by the pan of water. The woman kneeled would wash the feet of the woman sitting, then dry her feet with the towel. They'd both stand, greet one another, and then gird the woman that just got her feet washed with the towel, and the process would repeat until all the women had partaken of the foot washing. Sometimes, women would have to have their feet washed twice, so another could wash feet.

When the foot washing was over, service ended with a song and a prayer and we all dispersed at about 11:30 pm or later. This was about a 6 hour meeting.

It wasn't too much after this that we moved from Idaho Falls, to Nampa, ID and regularly attended this church. Nine months after moving to a place I'd thought I'd live the rest of my life, my husband moved us to WA for his job. I thought this was the end of my world, it was not a good move for me....I thought.

Little did I know, moving away from there at that time, was probably the best thing for our family's life. I believe that Jesus Christ exists outside of Marsing, ID. Something I had started to forget living in Nampa.  There are believers in Christ all over this world, and I was put on a street with one of the most faithful followers of them all.  She invited me to her women's group, learning the scripture of Titus 2. Wow...women teaching other women how to love their husband and children! This is totally what I need right now! 

News of this did not go over well with some women in ID. But, I believed it was making me a better wife, and mother, and it was biblical. Some called these women "unbelievers" saying I was being unequally yoked. They hadn't met these women, how did they know? They looked the same as the women in ID. Long hair, wore dresses exclusively, made their own bread and clothes soap...I was saddened by their false accusations of them being unbelievers. I'd never seen a woman's bible so worn than in this small group of devoted followers of Christ!

Since then, my views of baptism have changed, and are more aligned to the Word of God. I no longer believe that it washes away your sins. Just as I was told in Idaho Falls, by the pastor at Gethsemane Baptist, it doesn't even clean between your toes.  I do not believe one has to be baptized by a certain man in a certain church. I do not believe that if one is baptized it entitles them to special privileges that un-baptized people are not privy to. I would encourage any believer to be baptized, as Jesus did, but if you die knowing He forgives you of your sins, and you follow him closely, do not fear that you will be burning in Hell for eternity. God does not work that way.

Forgiveness of sin is accepting Jesus as the one and only sacrifice for the sins of the world and allowing Him to dwell in your heart, with His power, gifting you with the Holy Spirit that "saves" you from being a sinner, from the darkness of the world, having your name written in the book of life, forever in the palm of His hand, that nothing can pluck you from.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:  And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.  My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

John 10:27-29

"Thank you Lord, for opening our eyes to the truth of your word, and instilling it in our hearts to never be swayed again. In Jesus name"