How can siblings
grow up experiencing life so differently? I have four older siblings, but two
of them (brothers, both) claim that my memories and attitude towards our
childhood are off-balance. They remain loyal to the Followers, though they have
been out of the church more than ten years.
So, I’d like to
know what it is that I get so wrong. Like some of my anonymous critics, they
have no examples. It’s more of a feeling. One of my brothers says, “It was a
great way to grow up. We were safe and protected. There are a lot of good
things about that church.”
Yep, there are a
lot of good things about the Followers. Of course there are. And there are
mostly well meaning people in that church body. But my experiences were
much different than my brothers’.
What if two young
men were born in a palace, one a prince and the other a servant? Would these
two men have different experiences, memories, and feelings about their
childhoods? I say yes. We were raised in an incredibly sexist environment,
where it was much easier and better to be male. Men/boys have more worth, their
opinions mean more, and they can get away with much more. They do all the
asking (for dates and marriage), they make all the decisions.
That’s not really
the point – not the whole point. I also feel loyalty towards the Followers. I
feel a sense of responsibility to them, to come out and tell the truth. Just
get it out there and let insiders and outsiders make their own conclusions.
It's dangerous to
take Bible verses out of context. The Bible consists of 66 books and you can
bend it to mean anything you choose by taking a few words out of context of the
entire work. I believe the legalism to which Follower men are so concerned about when they question other churches who may/may not have women praying in church comes from a letter to
the Corinthians 1:Cor 11:13. This specific group was arguing over the old
(Jewish) tradition of women wearing hats in church and the gentiles who did
not. Paul concluded that women should have long hair as a covering when they
pray - certainly not that women shouldn't pray.
Here's something
to consider (there are many more examples I can provide to you about the roles
women played in churches. Ever heard of Phoebe? A woman minister, whom Paul
commends [Rom 16:1]):
"And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith
God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your
young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams" - Acts
2:17
To cut women out of participation
in spiritual matters is only a good idea if you want your women
to conclude that, "if religion doesn't include me, it must not apply to
me."
“In order to please others, we loose our hold on our life’s purpose”
ReplyDeleteAmen, Sister!
ReplyDeleteThis is Suzis' blog, and perspective, so I'm going to tread lightly. Your brothers do have a completely different opinion, but it's because they have totally differing responsibilities also. You portray the FOC as you saw it, and as they portray themselves in court. Does your mother think for herself? She raised you , and you grew up there. Did you have any freinds inside of the church who thought for themselves? The facade that married couples put on, probably doesn't represent the polite conversations, and in some cases not so polite, that have went on behind the scenes. If in the end a wife subjects herself to her husband, then she is fulfilling her part of the scripture. If a husband leads his household incorrectly he is going to answer for that. If he treats her in a way that she doesn't feel completely loved, he will answer for that too. It's a tall order for a man to be the head of his house, as directed by scripture. Please don't overlook that fact, he is the head of his house, just as Christ is the head of the church. BUT he is also supposed to love his wife like his own flesh. If he fulfills his responsability correctly his wife will know it, and will have no problem with subjecting herself to him. If you ever witness this symbiotic relationship in nature, write about that, it will be a best seller!
ReplyDeleteYou make some good points. Respect and love of women/wives was not something I noticed as being important in that church. From what I witnessed and heard, women were made for the convenience and service of me.
DeleteMy parents have been married nearly 50 years. My mom is a stronger woman than most in that church, but the biggest influence in my way of thinking has been my dad. My dad has always been a feminist. He was ready to get up and walk when the elder, Glenford Lee, waxed on and on about the dangers of women thinking they were as good as men. My dad never held me back. He encouraged and supported my aspirations, even when they conflicted with what I was supposed to do and be as a lowly female.
No. Men and women are equal. Period. Subjecting yourself to another is not "equality." There is no such thing as "separate but equal." (I believe the Supreme Court even ruled on this.) Meaning, "separate duties" in this case.
DeleteNow We all see what your real problem was.
ReplyDeleteReally, Anon?? Being a free-thinking, intelligent woman who can read the Bible and understand it for myself is a problem?
DeleteA sad little girl who was jealous of her brothers. People that are very intelligent never have to say it, everyone already knows.
Deletesuzi is not jealous of her brothers. that is the stupidist thing you could have wrote. my sister is not jealous of any of her siblings. she is a wonderful sister, mother, daughter and woman. if you wrote smack about my sister i think you are afraid of what she is writing.
DeleteI posted the 11:04 anon, hadn't logged in yet. That was my point, you had strong parents right, they did something right ? You were pretty young when you left if I'm understanding correctly? I just wonder if your perception is accurate. Especially if your brothers is different. I'm not suggesting that it's untrue, just pointing out that we are talking about one persons perspective here. Did any of your freinds get to finish school, or college?
ReplyDeleteGirls in the FOC don't go to college for the most part...
DeleteSuzi, or any other who would know, are the men encouraged to go to college? From your education post I gathered (perhaps incorrectly) that none were encouraged to go to college and that it was not a gender issue but an "us vs them" issue.
DeleteNobody is encouraged to go to college. Many Follower men own businesses and will hire young men to work for them - so they can marry young and support families. Men can choose to go to college, but rarely do. Women become outcasts if they want an education.
DeleteIt is, as most things, a gender issue. Why bother going to college if you're just going to be a housewife? And nobody wants an educated wife (they might start thinking they're as good as men!).
That is true for the most part, a lot of men go to an apprenticeship, to a liberated woman that's not college. But it is an education. Men work hard for a living, and their wives love them, and respect them for it. They also for the most part want to be mothers for their children. Its old fashioned, and laim to the liberated, but honerable. No group can claim that their children are perfect, but the follower ones are closer than most.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe being a stay-at-home mom is lame. I actually think it's ideal, but does that mean that young women should not be permitted to persue and education, if they so desire, and even work before and after raising their children?
DeleteMy children are not perfect and I'm not a perfect parent, but I am a very diligent and loving mother. And I would bet that my elementary school children are more knowledgabe about the love of God and can quote far more scripture than any child or adult in the FOC. My children attend Christian school, Sunday school, and receive age-appropriate Biblical guidance and instruction at home. My children feed the homeless, memorize entire chapters of scripture each month, raise money for children in third world countries, and share God's love with non-believers. FOC children attend public school, have no clue what evangelism is, don't lift a finger for anyone outside the group, and go to a sing-along in leiu of church.
Anyway, the educational opportunities of Followers was not the point of the above blog post, the point was that FOC men overlook the roles women can/should play in spiritual matters and focus too much on the limitations and restrictions on women. The idea came about from the resistence being hurled at Darren and the COFB in general for allowing women to pray. That seems like a legalistic (and non-scriptural) reason for dismissing a group of believers.
I may not have been a Follower, Suzi, but this message was the same in my extreme fundamentalist church, too. It was great for the guys, but hell for us women.
ReplyDeleteThey do work after their children are in school, they( some) do go to college, other than that I agree with everything you just said. You have been gone a while(no judgement intended), maybe things have changed more than you may think? I'm glad for you and your kids to be so close to God, and I mean that with no sarcasm.
ReplyDelete