Day 31: Old, Boring 50: A New #Bucket List

1. Travel – when I was eighteen, I wrote a bucket list of places I wanted to go in the world - that seemed like a totally unattainable goal. But less than ten years later, had gone almost everywhere on that list (and a lot of places that were not on the list). Here are a few places I still hope to see in my lifetime: New York City, Washington, DC, The Great Wall of China, Japan, Jerusalem, and Mexico.
2. Publish – get a book published.
3. Learn – to cook new dishes, dance new dances, paint beautiful pictures, and make quilts. I have a lot of academic knowledge; I’m ready to learn some fun stuff.

Wow – my list is short (but dense!). Any suggestions?

Day 30. A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

August 30, 2013

Dear Suzi,

You’re a good mom. You always put your kids’ needs before your own. You’re a good friend and willing to give more than you get (or expect) in return. You love your parents and siblings. You adore and respect your husband. You spend your days helping young adults improve their lives.

You stand up for what’s right. You’re brave.

Sincerely,

Suzi

PS It was difficult to write such a conceited blog post. Please leave a comment about something (or everything) you love about yourself so I don’t feel like such a narcissist!

Day 29. Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I hope to get more organized (see day #1) so I can live more peacefully and find things when I need them. This was an easy day.

What’s something you want to change about yourself? 

or...

Do you have a handy tip or helpful hint on getting more organized?

Please share…

Day 28. What if you were #pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would be thrilled if I were pregnant. I’m not expecting to have more children at the ripe old age of 40, but I would welcome one if God blessed our family this way.

I love babies. I love being pregnant. I love nursing and cuddling my babies. I miss those days. So, while it’s nice that my children are all school aged, another one would be fabulous.

Day 27. What’s the best thing going for you right now? #blessings

I’m gonna blow this by having more than one “best” thing. I can’t help it. Life is good!

I’m very blessed with an amazing family: a loving husband, awesome kids, supportive parents – and that’s just my immediate family! I also appreciate my siblings, nieces, nephews, and grandnephews. So much love!

I’m also very grateful for the new job I started this week as a school reading specialist.  I spent the past two years as an adjunct writing professor – a job I absolutely loved. But the new job brings full time income and health insurance – wow, what a luxury. But the best benefit is that my children attend the same school, so I can help provide for my family without being away from them.

Your turn: life can be full of disappointments and stress – but what is the best thing you’ve got going for you right now?

Day 26. Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? #suicide

Never seriously. I have had some dark days – the most pronounced when I experienced two miscarriages in just a few months’ time (I wrote about that experience in May in the blog post titled “Lost Babies”).

I could never consider ending my own life primarily because my children need their mother and I wouldn’t / couldn’t abandon them. Secondarily, and not incidentally, I have a serious and sometimes debilitating fear of Hell, and would expect an expedient and irreversible one-way pass to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks if I were to make that choice. Please understand that I’m not judging others or stating what I think anyone else’s final fates / destination to be. I also wrote about this subject in January in the blog post title “Thou Shalt Not Kill Thyself”.

Have YOU ever considered giving up?

Day 25. The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I’m often shocked that I AM alive. I’ve taken enough chances to not be. I bungeed jumped at age nineteen – what was I thinking? That was terrifying. I’ve travelled all over four continents ignoring the advice to get inoculated against serious diseases. Twice, I’ve survived an unwanted game of Russian Roulette at a range of about four feet. I’ve ridden on broken-down rickety airplanes and as a passenger with irresponsible drivers. I’ve been in a few serious car crashes (cars were totaled). I’ve nearly been hit by numerous semi-trucks, pickups, etc.  

I believe I’m alive because I have unfinished business. The most pressing of which is raising my children to be successful, god-fearing, productive members of society.

While I’m alive I hope that God will entrust me with meaningful tasks of service, encouragement, etc.

Readers: why do you believe you’re still alive?

Day 24. Make a playlist to someone; #songs for my #daughter

This playlist is dedicated to my daughter.

This One’s For the Girls, by Martina McBride

I chose this song as an encouragement for you as you grow up and go through all the stages of being female. You have a much harder road to navigate as a young lady, but God only gives us what we can handle and you are strong.

You’re Gonna Miss This, by Trace Adkins

Because I already miss you at younger ages and I see you growing up so fast – in such a hurry to be a big girl. And then, someday, you’ll look back and miss the carefree days of childhood, too.

A Mother’s Prayer, by Celine Dion

Because I want you to walk with God and in His protection.

Butterfly Kisses, by Bob Carlisle

I’ll never forget yours. I miss them.

Brave, by Sara Bareilles

You are already a brave little girl. You stand up for what’s right. I just pray that you never let the bullies of this world silence you. Keep doing what is right. Stand up for yourself and others. I know you will.

This list could go on and will continue to grow as you do. xo

Day 23. Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I had invested in real estate. Houses were so much more affordable twenty years ago. And it would be great to have the financial security of rental houses now when my kids are growing up and in several years when they will need help funding their college education. It would also be great to be able to give them a starter home as a wedding gift.

Ah, hindsight.

Day 22. Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. #regret

“Some people say they wouldn't change a thing but I would.”

Kenny Chesney

I wish I hadn’t made a lot of the mistakes I’ve made. I wish I were smart enough to learn from the mistakes of others. I wasn’t. I pray my children will be wiser than I was. But, since this is just a singular question (something), I will answer it with a single event: I wish I hadn’t quit the full time teaching job I had four years ago. I did it on impulse thinking there were plenty more opportunities for an experienced teacher. Unfortunately, my decision coincided with a bad economy and massive teacher layoffs. So my family lost a lot of income while I worked as a part-time instructor with no benefits.

While it wasn’t the wisest decision, blessings came out of it. I learned a lot. I spent a lot of time volunteering in my children’s classrooms. I picked up another master’s degree (yeah, and a lot more student loan debt – so maybe that wasn’t the best decision either).

Join me in this tough truth challenge, please: what’s something you regret or wish you hadn’t done?

Day 21. Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I drive to the hospital praying like crazy. I sit by her bedside holding her hand and pray. If she doesn’t make it, I spend the rest of my life regretting our fight. If she does make, it I spend the rest of my life making sure to be a good friend to her.

Either way, I learn to be kinder, gentler, more loving with people. I try to resolve conflicts calmly and fairly. I am a better person for having gone through so much guilt and sadness.

Day 15. Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it

Peace: the kind that comes from living a life that aligns with my beliefs. We cannot live at odds with our beliefs. We either change our beliefs or change our actions. Too often, it is the former that is chosen. Or simply trying to sleepwalk through our days without examining how our lives are aligning with our actions.

How would you answer today’s truth challenge? What (or whom) can you just not live without?

Day 14. A hero who has let you down

Michael Jackson. Okay, I know that’s a weird answer, considering that on yesterday’s truth blog I said I didn’t have any favorite artists. But, I had a favorite singer back in fifth grade: MJ. His was the first music video I ever saw (Thriller). I thought he was so cute. I loved watching him perform with his red leather jacket (my mom bought me a vinyl knock off of it that I proudly wore), his single white glove, his moon walk.

And then he just got weird with all his plastic surgery and the accusations of child sex abuse. I don’t know if those accusations were true, but I do remember seeing him in an interview talking about having sleepovers with other people’s children (same bed). He was just really odd.

Day 13. A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days #music #hardtimes

As I wrote yesterday, I was born without musical talent. I do enjoy both kinds of music (country and western), and Christian worship music (both the old hymns and contemporary worship music). That being said, I don’t really have a “music saved my life/soul/etc.” type of story to tell.

The closest I can come to answering this question is to say that when I am in a bad mood: feeling down, overwhelmed, etc. I have regularly been uplifted by listening to worship music at home while doing chores, or in my car while stuck in traffic.

Okay, readers: I’ll bet you can all give a better answer than mine! What band or artist has helped you through tough times?

Day 12. Something you never get compliments on #cantsing #tonedeaf

Oh, thank goodness. A chance to be light-hearted!

I never get compliments on my voice. I sang to my oldest child daily when he was a baby. And then, when he was about three years old, I was belting one out in the car when I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw him holding his pudgy little hands over his ears. Uh, oh. The kid had a better sense of tone than I did. Now, if either of my children hear me singing, they beg: “Mommy, please stop!”

My dad was always singing when I was growing up – he still does it sometimes. I loved hearing his voice and I still remember the words to the old songs he would sing to us.

My parents put me through private piano and violin lessons as a child, but I could never accurately tune my violin. The only way I could play semi-accurately was by using guide stickers for my fingers. I just have no musical abilities or talent.

Your turn: Is there something you NEVER get compliments on?

Day 11. Something people seem to compliment you the most on

I get complimented on my outgoing disposition. People say I’m fearless. I think this is cool, because I used to be very introverted. I remember a teacher talking to me in the hallway at school when I was in fifth grade, and I was so mortified to be put on the spot that I ran into the bathroom in tears.

When I left the FOC and started trying out new churches, I was afraid of people talking to me. I certainly didn’t start conversations.

The first time I had to give a speech in college? I stood in front of the class shaking and speechless. Now, and for the past ten years, I lecture and speak to groups of people on a regular basis.

Regular exposure, practice, and determination have changed my previous awkward wallflower personality into a person who loves public speaking, meeting new people, and trying new things.

Day 10. Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

Wow – this truth challenge is harsh! There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “People come into your life for a reason or a season.” Another version is: “You’re either a lesson or a blessin’.” Both sentiments ring true for my experience. Yes, I know some difficult people – I’d be willing to bet someone out there considers me one of their “difficult people.” But, each person who has been or currently is in my life has taught me something, helped me grow, or just plain been a blessing. 

Day 09. Someone you didn’t want to let go of

This is something very unique for a person of my age (and background): I have not lost any close relatives. My grandparents all died when I was young – my dad’s parents before I was old enough to remember them. I knew my maternal grandmother just a little bit; and, I only met my maternal grandfather once before he died.

So, to make this authentic, I will change the question to future tense: I don’t want to let go of my parents.  I think it’s scary and sad and vulgar to even think of them dying. I love living near them and that my kids get to spend time with their grandparents on a regular basis. 

Day 08. Someone who made your life difficult.

This is quite the truth challenge. It’s easier to be truthful about myself than write about other people – particularly those who have hurt me.

 

See also day four: besides severe emotional damage, the person stole from me. And the time I had to spend working to make up for the stolen money has taken precious time and energy from my family.

 

Will I survive? Yep, I always do. Did this person win by “getting away” with all the damages and thievery? Seems like it at times, but I won’t dwell on negative people.

 

Has someone made your life difficult? (no names please!).

Day 06. Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

I hope (and pray) I never have to bury a child. I cannot imagine the grief of those who go through this, whether their child is four years old, twenty-four, or forty. I just cannot imagine. My heart goes out to every parent who has had to do this, or will have to do so in the future.

 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

John 14:1-2