Learned Helplessness

I used to think of the “church” all the time. I dreamed of it - the building and the people. I find myself thinking of them less and less. But, they come up in my reactions. In the way I view the world and the people of the world.

I have no doubt and no hesitation in calling what went on when I was there -- and what continues to happen -- brainwashing. I know you will all deny it. You have been programmed to deny it. But, whether you are able to acknowledge it or not, it is the truth.

Is the brainwashing intentional? At this point, I don’t believe there are nefarious motives. Just tradition. And fear. The way things have been done for generations. All you know. In fact, I believe the brainwashing varies from household to household. But, it’s clearly still going on.

As the folks my age (40s) are now becoming grandparents, what is passed on in the form of religious beliefs is more and more hearsay and ingrained acceptance of the word of man than the actual words of God.

It is debilitating to be under the control of a crowd - an organization - who are ruled by a strange and unreliable game of generational gossip.

Last spring, I was interviewed about the death of another FOC baby. I said I felt sorry for the family. It’s true. That baby didn’t have a chance and neither did the baby’s parents. They were young (the baby’s grandparents are younger than me!) and they were under the control of an organization they never chose for themselves. Now, they have lost custody of their other baby and are facing criminal charges and prison time.

It is not a sin to get medical care for your babies. It really isn’t a sin. You should pray and use the resources God has provided - including medical professionals. Putting your faith in God is good, but not researching your professed faith for yourself is just helplessness. And helplessness can cost you dearly.

Men First

Imagine the scene. Women and girls have worked hard to prepare their best dishes for the potluck. They’ve arranged these delicious offerings on nice serving trays and together, dozens of women have set out stacks of plates, silverware, napkins, and cups. Multi-gallon pots of coffee are brewed. Everything is set up. Time to eat.

Men and boys rush to line up and pile food onto their plates. They take their heaping plates to a table and wait for their wives to bring them coffee. Other men crowd in with plates of their own.

Where are all those women who have prepared this feast? Where are their daughters, who’ve eagerly helped? They stand back until all men and boys have helped themselves and taken the best seats. Some women bring cups of coffee to the men.

After the men and boys are served, seated, and eating; the ladies begin to line up. The food is getting cold, the favorite dishes are running out, and the seats at the tables are taken. That’s okay, because they’re not expected to sit with their menfolk to eat. A woman sitting down at a men’s table would be scandalous.

I didn’t think it was odd. I certainly didn’t like it, but like so many other rituals which were set up in favor of men and boys, I had no power to change it. It just was.

Now imagine what potlucks and church events are like outside the FOC. Women and men prepare food to share – mostly women, but many men enjoy cooking and happily add their best dishes to the feast. When it is time to eat, and leader calls everyone to attention and prays for the food. Then people line up and fill their plates. People are not segregated by gender, though sometimes by age. Elderly folks are often invited to go first, or children. But I always get my food with my husband – not for him (he likes to serve himself), and certainly not after him. And we sit together. He would hate to be forced to sit at an all men’s table. How boring!

“…but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever be chief among you, let him first be your servant”

Matthew 20:26-27

L: Leadership

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14

There are people in the FOC who think they can logically disprove anything I write about my experience in the group by saying, “Nope, that’s not us. Your family was just weird.” Or, “How would you know what we were taught…”. You get the picture. They don’t want me talking about the group, so they try to claim that I don’t know anything. And even if their claims were accurate, they bring up a really serious issue: leaderlessness.

What happens when you get a group of twelve hundred to two thousand people and nobody’s in charge? According to the scriptures, the people fall. After more than forty years, what has happened to this group? The people have their “pet doctrines” -  a fact that was prophesied by the late Walter White. The members argue, bicker, and disown each other. Young people suffer and die. And can you get a straight answer on why these dearly held practices and beliefs continue? No. Every group, church, organization, and family needs leadership.

Where there is no vision, the people perish.

Proverbs 29:18

F: Freedom

It’s a free country. So, what does it mean to be free? Coming of age in the FOC, I felt anything but free. I was desperate for the freedom to make friends, to date, to go after my dreams. But making friends (outside the group) was forbidden, as was dating. Dreams? Why would I have any dreams? My future was settled: I was a female and would only be a housewife (if I was fortunate enough find a husband to rule over me).

So, my definition of freedom was the liberty to do as I pleased. And for years, that definition continued. When I left the FOC in 1994, I was relieved. I called every worldly person I had ever wanted to befriend and made plans to finally have a social life. It was a fantastic feeling.

In February 2000, I made a commitment and a decision to follow Jesus. I became a born-again Christian. And, my experience with freedom drastically changed. I didn’t know how things would change. I didn’t have a lot of faith in how much God could change my heart and my behaviors. I was in for many surprises.

But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

Romans 6:22

I have written about the assurance of salvation here on this blog in the past and gotten a lot of pushback from readers. How can someone know they are saved? How can the bible assure us that once we are saved, we are forever saved?

I once heard a preacher discussing the topic of turning your back on God. Can a person lose their salvation if they do that? I do not know the answer. I only know that once we are free from sin (by accepting the gift of salvation), we become slaves to God.

Do all Christians act that way? Ha! Nope. We are still human. But, in my experience, bondage to a holy God looks more like this: when I sin, I am miserable. When I obey, I have peace. The bondage I have happily accepted is the Holy Spirit’s nudging, nagging, sometimes shouting into my life.

So, now I am free from unbiblical restrictions of the FOC, and I am free FROM sin. I am a never free from God; I would never want to be.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Galations 5:1

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Dear Readers,

What does freedom mean to you? I would love it if you left a comment below...