Maggie's Story - Part Two

Last week, my sister-in-law, Maggie Smith Shumaker, wrote about her experience with my marriage to a “worldly person.” This week, Maggie writes about the birth of her first child, just four months after my jailbreak.

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November 27th came, and I woke up needing my mom. We drove over to my mom and dad's house, expecting my labor to pick up and birth this baby that was making me feel like a bus had parked itself in my lap. The day dragged on and on, the house filled with my grandmothers, aunts, sisters, his brother's wife, and the labor completely stopped. No pain, no cramps, so instead of going home, we just went to bed that night, in my mom and dad's room. Settling down around 10:35pm, Oh boy! "MOM" I yelled, he went and got her. I needed to deliver this baby! Oh the pain! Oh make it stop!

His mom had just pulled into her driveway, got into bed, and the phone rang...she was being summoned to the birth of her grandbaby. I hoped she wouldn't call Suzanne, I didn't want her around. She just caused problems for me and my own sisters. The midwives were called back, and I got to push for eleven and a half hours. Finally, at 11:35 am, this large, "boy" appeared in my husband's arms.

His head was pointy. I'd never witnessed a birth. I had no idea what was next, what was expected of me, other than the books that I checked out from the library the day I had the positive test in my hand. What To Expect When You’re Expecting did not prepare me for eleven and a half hours of pushing, and nor did it say my eyelashes and fingernails would hurt. But, our family had been born. All 9 lbs. 15 oz, & 22 1/2 inches of him. There is still debate on my husband's part that the scale actually said 10 lbs. It could have said 15 lbs for all I knew...it didn't matter.

For days I fretted as the conversations and whispers from his mom and him talked about Suzanne coming to see the baby. On a Friday night, while the rest of the church was at a wedding, or maybe it was a Thursday night, during church service, we snuck Suzanne in to hold her nephew. I had to convince my parents that the house wouldn't burn down to hell, or that none of them would suffer from her visit...(not literally, but almost) so, they allowed it. The fact that I had to even talk to them about it, sickened me. From then on, my thoughts toward Suzanne were different. I had utter sympathy for her that she would never walk the aisle I did; she'd never be accepted as she was...if she were ever accepted.

We weren't around her much, but there were times we were. Guess what? Our children loved her. She was the best birthday present giver.  She got our kids giant teddy bears. Not being a mother herself, she just thought of the child, not the parent. She thought of the child's face when they opened her gift. She had everything a nephew or niece cold want in an aunt. Too bad we had to be so sneaky about her being their aunt.

I mentioned children. Prior to the birth of our second son, our relationship with Suzanne had developed more frequently, as she'd came back to sit on the hard benches and sing. She wasn't "worldly" anymore. However, there was no way my oldest sister would be at the birth of my second child. She said her husband told her she couldn't go if Suzanne were there. Although her and her husband associated with couples in "church" that were living unbiblical principles. Suzanne was not. She was married. That was apparently her sin.

So, he got on the phone, and called my sister's husband. He denied telling my sister that she couldn't go to the birth is Suzanne was going to be there. Nonetheless, Suzanne was not allowed at my parent's home during the birth of our second child. His brother's wife, however, was late to the birth, as she had been picking up her kids from her sister's house (who was also "worldly" by marrying outside of the church). It was said that she was afraid that someone would ask about her kids and she didn't want to lie about where they were, as they'd been spending the night at her "worldly" sister's house. Oh the double standards going on, oh the charades we play, just to keep the peace.

Frequently Asked Questions - Part 1

I have gotten a lot of questions about the Followers of Christ throughout my life, both when I was attending and since. Here are some questions that come to mind. If you have more, please post them under the comments, or email them to me and I will answer them in a later blog.

Question: Since the Followers do not accept outsiders into their congregation, are they concerned about running out of potential mates for their children?

Answer: No, they are not worried. Followers are allowed to marry cousins, as long as they are at least second cousins. It's not unheard of for a girl to keep her maiden name because she has married someone with the same last name. A side note, some worldly people think the Followers are called “kissers” because they are kissing cousins, rather than the practice of the “Holy Kiss.”

Question: Are the number of childhood deaths increasing due to the shallow gene pool.

Answer: Maybe. I haven't gathered genetic samples and run tests. More likely, the number of childhood deaths are more visible due to more recent legislation and news coverage, not actual increasing numbers.

Question: If a Follower decided to become a doctor, would it be OK to go to him/her? Seems like trusting your own to aid in your own health care would be allowed?

Answer: If a Follower decided to become a doctor, he/she would not be welcome at church – the heretic!

Question: Do the midwives have any training? If so, who trains them? Do they sign the birth certificates?

Answer: Yes, they have practical training. They have to have given birth themselves. They also have to help at a set number of births before they can be an official midwife. No formal training though – and many do not have even a high school diploma. They do sign the birth certificates. In the box labeled hospital, it says “Followers.”

Question: If there are no ministers or Bible teaching, what are church services like?

Answer: Every Sunday morning and Thursday evening, the women and young children enter the sanctuary and sit according to their life situation (by age and gender for children, the newlyweds sit together, new parents sit near the back so they can take their babies out if they cry, after this life stage, people sit near relatives and friends). When it is time for church to start, all the men file in and find their wives to sit by them. The piano player sits at the front at a grand piano (the pulpit is deserted, though it is set up just like it was when there were men to teach and preach). If there is an announcement to be made – someone needs prayer, someone needs care, there is an upcoming wedding, etc – one of the five men who are appointed as the church leaders will make the announcement from the microphone near the piano. The piano player announces a song number and everyone stands to sing all the verses of the song. Next the congregation kneels at their benches and prays silently for two minutes. Everyone takes their seats, and eight more songs are announced and sung. The piano player will announce, “last song,” and everyone stands to sing the last song. The men file outside to talk amongst themselves and the women and children stay inside to socialize. That's it. Takes about twenty-five minutes start to finish.

Question: When a Follower is taken to the hospital from a car crash, do they get shunned?

Answer: No, church members come and visit them and pray for them. When I was a kid, I remember a really bad crash where an older lady broke something like twenty bones. The doctors gave a very poor prognosis, but we all prayed, and the next day, the bones had miraculously healed. The doctors said they had never seen anything like it. Incidents like that really reinforced the idea that God was on our side, and doctors/hospitals were irrelevant at best, but more likely harmful and deadly.

Question: Why won't Followers talk to the media and defend themselves for their beliefs and practices.

Answer: One of the biggest rules is to keep our business private. We are convinced that anyone who talks to outsiders about our religion is a heretic and blasphemer. Even those who leave often live the rest of their lives in fear of breaking this rule not only for their own soul, but for the social repercussions of the relatives they left behind who are still in the church.

Question: Do you regret leaving? Are you in fear of your immortal soul for going public with this information?

Answer: I do not regret leaving. I do not believe I am sinning, or wrong, by going public with my experiences and opinions. My writing is meant to be informational, helpful, and enlightening.

Question: When will your book be finished?

Answer: I have another six months of writing left before I go into the editing and rewriting stages. All final edits will be complete by this time next year.

Question: How does your family feel about your blog and memoir?

Answer: They haven't disowned me yet.

Guest Blogger, Karin, Home Birth

When I was eleven years old, my older sister, Karin, gave birth to my first niece in the basement of our home. Here she recounts her memories of the birth.

I was seventeen when I got married. I was worried that I was going to be an old maid. That was in 1984. I went to the Followers of Christ Church in Oregon City. I had never gone to a doctor so when I found out in October that I was pregnant home birth was my only option.

I heard stories my whole life about doctors and how they kill people. I heard stories about people who did not have faith in God and went to a doctor only to die. Going to the doctor for prenatal care and a hospital birth was not something I even processed or was mentioned to me. How could it be an option if I didn't know anything about it? This was also before anyone had died in child birth in our church's history.

I dropped out of school my senior year of high school because my husband told me I was not allowed to go to school pregnant. We went to the elder of the church and I was told I had to obey my husband.

I was sick a lot and since I was no longer in school I spent a lot of time at my parents’ house. My mom told me stories of home birth. She also told me that when her first baby was born she had to have him at a hospital (because Dad was in the service and they were living in Japan) and it was horrible. She told me a lot of horror stories about giving birth in a hospital. She said that when she gave birth to her other babies she was at home surrounded with people she loved.

My mom took me to visit the midwife about once a month after I was five months pregnant. It was not anything official. We went to her house and she talked to me about how I was eating and if I was exercising. This was the same midwife that had delivered me when I was born. I didn't question her knowledge or experience. The midwife told me about labor and that I needed to stay calm when I was having pains. If I screamed or didn't follow the instructions of the midwife while I was giving birth people would think I had a devil.  She told me I would push when the pains came and that after I delivered my baby I would be expected to lie flat on my back for ten days. Women in the church would stay with the baby around the clock for my laying in time. Other women would deliver meals and help my mom. I would deliver my baby at my parents’ house and stay with them for two weeks after the baby was born.

The day before I gave birth I had a surge of energy in the morning. My mom called the midwives and my family and told them she thought this was the beginning. Around 5 p.m. my water broke and the midwife put me in the shower. I remember her washing my belly and talking calmly to me telling me that I had started labor. This was an emotional and exciting time. While I was in the shower the other family and midwives were making sure everything was set up in the family room.

Once I was in the family room and put on the delivery bed, the midwife examined me. There were whispers and talking at the foot of the bed. My dad was near my head and was talking to me. I pushed all that evening, thru the night and until my baby was born at 10:30 in the morning.

During the night I remember losing consciousness. When I came to, my dad was praying for me and everyone was crying. Dad kept talking to me encouraging me not to give up. The midwife was massaging me and lubricating me with oil. There were women whispering on the sides of me. My husband said this was too much for him so he left the room.

I remember my dad's voice – he didn’t stop encouraging me. He promised me if I would do what the midwife told me and push and not give up that he would take me hiking. This encouraged me. I thought I was ripping in half and my mom said she could see my baby's head. Once they could see the head my dad and some of the women set me up and some of the other women were pushing on my stomach. The midwife had her hands inside of me guiding my baby out. There were people crying, others telling me to push, but the words of encouragement from my dad and the midwife kept me focused.

Once my little girl was born everyone was crying. She was blue and the midwife took her upstairs. My mom went with her and so did most of the women. There were other midwives that stayed with me. I had no idea what was going on. They told me my baby was fine that they were there to help me with the rest. I was tired and wanted my baby. What were they saying with the rest? Someone was massaging my stomach and talking to me. I wanted my mom. I wanted my baby. My dad left when they took the baby upstairs. Someone was talking to me telling me I had to push out the after-birth. I thought I was hearing things because I just gave birth to a 9-pound baby girl why did I need to push more. I had never heard of after birth. If I had, I did not register it in my mind. The midwives told me I could not see my baby until the after birth came out. I felt like another baby was coming out. There was no head but it felt like it was ripping me in two again.

I was taken to my parents’ bedroom after I was cleaned up. I was put to bed and someone brought my baby to me. Now I was to begin my laying in that would last ten days.