Recently, a Follower
posted this comment on my blog:
“People on this blog paint a nice
picture of themselves and their family that is not entirely correct.”
I want to clarify for the
entire world that I am far from perfect. I have made many regretful mistakes. My
memoir does not sugar coat my life, and I don’t go easy on myself. It’s a
testimony of my struggles to overcome the damning thoughts that had been
imprinted on my brain throughout my early years, giving up on achieving
salvation (thus the title “I’m Going to Hell for This”), and finally
discovering and accepting the free gift of grace. I know that sounds too
easy to be true, but it is true.
Do you think that God
only uses so-called “perfect” people to do his work? There has been only one perfect
person – Jesus. The rest of us are guilty sinners.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world;
but that the world through him might be saved.
John 3:17
What is God’s work? The
Great Commandment:
And thou
shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with
all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
And the second is like, namely this, Thou
shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater
than these.
Mark
12:30-31
Very closely related
to the great commandment is the Great Commission:
And Jesus
came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in
earth.
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
Teaching them to observe all things
whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the
end of the world. Amen.
Matthew 28:18-20
It is a sign of a
changed heart to care about those who despise you. To want them to know the
love and peace of Jesus. I am not on a mission to convince anyone to leave the
FOC, but if my testimony and the testimonies of others through this blog can
help even one person to know that they’re loved and wanted by God, then all the
insults and accusations are worth it.
I am not perfect or
sinless. I never have been, and unfortunately I never will be. A saved person
doesn’t become perfect, but God does work in that person’s life, convicting the
person’s heart. The way it feels for me is that I can still make wrong choices,
but those choices bring sadness into my heart – I don’t enjoy the things I once
enjoyed. An example of this is that my favorite drink before I accepted Jesus’s
grace was a Vodka Martini – extra olives. A few months after making my
commitment, I was out with some friends and ordered a Martini – it tasted
terrible. I couldn’t even take a second sip. I believe that is how God works:
he doesn’t stop us from making wrong choices, but as we put our faith in him,
he makes saying “no” to those wrong choices easier.
I did not start a blog to criticize anyone. I started it to tell
my own story and explore my own history. My history, the first twenty-one years
of my life and further back in my folks’ history, began with the FOC. This is
not a forum to say bad things about any person or put anyone on the defensive.
Some of the comments hurt my feelings, but I know that the comments do
not reflect on me, but on the person making the jabs – a person/people who are
so insecure and scared that they hide their own identity while hurling insults
and accusations. Why don’t I block anonymous comments like most blogs do?
Because I don’t want to prevent anyone from joining the conversation – whether
anonymous or by name. Whether in agreement or vehement disagreement.
Was the Walter White the only perfect man? No, he wasn’t perfect –
he wasn’t God. Are you waiting for a perfect, sinless, man? He has already come
– Jesus. You will not find another Walter, but you will find salvation. It’s
free and available to you.
I am so glad that Jesus loves me – Jesus loves even me! That is
not bragging – or maybe it is. It is my greatest personal, lifelong
accomplishment!
