Sex Education

When I was in eleventh grade, our high school hosted an all-school assembly. It wasn't sponsored by the school, and the topic of the assembly was not publicized. We were just informed that there was an assembly and we walked with our classes to the auditorium.

The program was produced by a community group, and several students from Oregon City High School, who were members of the group, put on the assembly for us. It was well-rehearsed, engaging, and funny. And, it was about sex. This was twenty-one years ago, and I still clearly remember the skit where boys and girls were paired together to demonstrate how to properly put on a condom. The girls had giant life-sized condoms that they put over their partners' entire bodies, making sure to leave extra room at the head. I rather enjoyed the production.

When I stepped off the school bus that afternoon, I saw my mom waiting in the doorway of our house. Oh, great, I thought. I wonder what I'm in trouble for now. It didn't occur to me that she would've heard of the assembly. But she had. Apparently, several of my Follower classmates had reported the mandatory assembly to their parents, who had activated the frantic calling of all the parents, and dozens of complaints to our school.

Followers are not allowed to participate in sex education classes or class content. It's on our "yellow cards" along with the exemption from having inoculations and medical treatment. No sex ed.

The stigma started in fifth grade when the schools show the students videos about menstruation and puberty. We were to be sent to the library during these videos. Ug. My mom let me stay home from school that day. Good thing, because I would've died of embarassment. And, I wanted to see that video!

In eighth grade, we got an extra elective class while our classmates took sex ed. Same deal in high school. The extra elective was nice, but I wanted some facts. The idea was that if we knew about sex, we would be tempted to have sex.

So, the policy of the Followers was to marry kids off in the late teens, still virgins. The "sex talk" would happen a week or so before the wedding. They thought we wouldn't figure anything out before then. But I'm a rebel, and being told I couldn't/shouldn't know something just made me want to know even more. I heard about "rubbers" from school kids in junior high, so I asked one of my wiser Follower friends what a rubber was, and she told me it was a piece of rubber that you rub on yourself to keep from getting pregnant.

The same year that we were "forced" to watch that infamous assembly, I had a science class with only worldly people. It was the only class I took in high school where I was the only Follower. The teacher seemed pretty obsessed with our church too. He always made a point to come over and talk to us in the cafeteria. So, one day he announced in front of the class that he was going to talk about sex, and that there was a group of kids who were members of the "Followers of Christ" church that were to be excused from this portion of the class. What? Dude, he knew that I was the only one and he had to single me out. I was not going to stand up and say, "Oh, you mean me? OK." In hindsight, I wish I would've had the guts to do it, but I didn't. I was a teenager and a) wanted to know the facts and b) didn't want to be singled out. Sheesh.

So, maybe you're wondering if all this lack of knowledge worked? In my opinion, it wasn't the lack of knowledge that kept most of us from having sex. It was the fear and consequences attached to the sex act. If we had sex before marriage we faced: shunning in this life and Hell in the next, but perhaps more pressing than those consequences was the loss of a church wedding.

Church weddings were only for virgins and included huge rewards - the wedding services were free (though things like dresses and flowers were paid for by the bride's parents), beautiful, attended by all, lots of fun - including a dance with a live band. The bride received housewares and a new wardrobe for her shower, the groom received money (enough to pay his church membership) for his "bachelor party" (which was attended by men--and I'm told--very tame). For the wedding, the couple typically received all the furniture for their new home (living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom - everything), and enough money to pay for the honeymoon and then some. It was a prize worth waiting for.

Control Measures

Up to this point, I have not addressed the “c” word in association with the Followers. You know the word that outsiders generally label organizations that seek to control their members with fear, threats (social ostracization to the person and their family), and the expectation of compliance. I will not address the “c” word in this blog (that is, whether or not I believe the FOC is a cult).

What I will address are some measures certain members have begun attempting to exert on me to convince me to stop writing about the church.

Self-Doubt and “Yo-Mama” Insults

This is a comment I received this week from an anonymous source:

“Susanne, I don't know where you are getting all your knowledge, because you aren't old enough to know any this first hand! and your parrents are a good source of info because they are not all that bright, I know that!”

Dear Anonymous:

Are you suggesting that, at age 38, I am too young to understand anything of the religion I was raised in? I attended the FOC church twice a week (in addition to all the mandatory social functions) for twenty-one years. After I left, I returned and attended church while being shunned by the majority for another five years. Under this “logic” nobody under the age of 50 knows anything about this religion because they were not around when Walter was in charge? How do you justify imposing your religion on your children and grandchildren if they can’t know anything about it? And how about the pair of twenty-six-year-olds rotting in prison for practicing it?

Second, I have never claimed to have experienced anything that I am too young to have experienced. I heard the elders' teachings until I was in middle school. When I talk about anything that happened before I was born, I pre-empt it with, “from what I’ve been told.”

As to the comments about my parents: I have approved your comment under my blog post, “Signs of the True Believer,” so there can be no accusations that I have inserted your misspelled words and poor grammar. Someone who cannot even spell my name (though it’s in the URL of this blog), or the word “parents” is not the best judge of intellect. My dad’s response to your comment was this, “We were stupid to stay as long as we did. The smartest thing we have ever done was leaving.”

I have no doubt that my parents are intelligent. My mom was in college studying to become a nurse, when a family tragedy brought her to Oregon City and into the FOC. My dad had a burgeoning career as a Naval Officer when he was recruited by Walter White to move to Oregon City and settle into a work-a-day life of blue collar mediocrity. Despite the ways the FOC interrupted their aspirations, my parents are well-read, well-informed, free thinkers who have the strength of character to admit to their children and the world their mistake (of raising their family in the FOC).

I also think it's interesting that you claim that my "parents ARE a good source of information because they not all that bright." I agree that my parents are a good source of information - though they are far from being my only sources.

Liar-Liar Pants On Fire!

Here’s another brave attack from an anonymous source (possibly the same as the above author):

“I think if you are going to post for all to read, I think you should get your stories straight, and tell the TRUTH. you don't even know most of this for a fact because you are not old enough. you weren't even there. it's not hard to figure out that your not even getting your information from a reliable source.”

And yet another anonymous attempt to undermine:

“You need to make sure your so called facts are true,or call this book fiction.”

Dear Anonymous:

If you are going to call me a liar, please have the guts to use your name, and the credibility to specify exactly what you are accusing me of getting wrong. I do not misrepresent my age – I am 38. Like I posted above, it’s pretty sad to imply that anyone so “young” couldn’t possibly know anything.

I would be happy to post any credible and specific information you would like to clarify your position.

Inside Coffee Creek

I am a taking a small detour from life inside the Followers of Christ church, to life inside Coffee Creek Correctional Facility. CCCF is Oregon’s only women’s prison, and is also the intake location for all male prisoners. Shannon and Dale Hickman arrived for intake last week. For this entry, I travelled up to Wilsonville and interviewed a prisoner from Coffee Creek.

As soon as a sentence is entered, the prisoner is taken to a county jail. The female prisoners are in a big room. They are ordered to take off their clothes and stand naked while being inspected. The prisoner is told to lift her hair, arms, feet, and then bend over and cough twice. If she is wearing a tampon, she must remove it for inspection. She is then given a white jumpsuit to wear, her ankles are shackled, and handcuffs secured by a black box. The prisoners are loaded on a van to be taken to the prison.

The van pulls into the facility at Coffee Creek and drives to the intake center. The gates shut and lock before the prisoners get out of the van. They are taken in through a door and left in a holding cell with a sack lunch. The lunch might consist of: bread, a bag of chips, a piece of fruit, lunch meat, peanut butter and jelly packets, and mayonnaise and mustard packets. All of the women are in this large room together – there is a commode in one corner with a low wall blocking the toilet, though you can see the person sitting on it. The women stay in there for hours waiting to be called.

When she is called out, she is issued her “intake clothes.” These consist of: blue scrub pants, blue scrub shirts, navy blue t-shirts, underwear, socks, and sports bras. She is also given a pair of orange flip flops for showering. Then she is taken to the showers and shown the street clothes she was wearing so she can verify that her personal belongings are there. These items are sealed, boxed up, and mailed to the prisoner’s family.

In the showers, a strip search is performed again, then she is told to take a shower and put on her scrubs. She then goes into a room for fingerprinting, a DNA sample is taken, and a picture for her prison ID. She is now taken to a different holding tank, with the other processed prisoners. A nurse takes her into a private room and takes down her medical history, notes tattoos, and scars, and then she returns again to the same holding area.

When everyone is processed, the prisoners are given manila pocket folders containing the following items: a small tube of toothpaste, a tiny toothbrush, a pocket comb, a razor, a small deodorant, a little bar of soap, a small bendy pen, five envelopes, ten sheets of newsprint paper, and any paperwork she came in with that she’s allowed to keep, and a yellow lanyard to the K-Unit (this is the unit where intake prisoners will spend their first few weeks) with her ID card. She also receives her bedroll containing: two blankets, two sheets, a pillowcase, and two towels.

Now she is taken down a “big, scary” hallway where is shown where things are and taken to her unit. She arrives in the K-Unit. It is an open unit with 108 beds – bunk-beds. She will be here for about thirty days. While she is here, she will not be allowed to participate in any activities such as religious services, salon, visiting, etc. She will have two hours every day to spend in the day room or out in the yard. The rest of her time she is to sit on her bunk. At the end of her time here, an intake counselor will meet with her to talk about her Corrections Plan. This plan will explain her custody level (medium security for prisoners with more than four years’ time), expectations, etc.

The inmate I interviewed has been serving for nearly eight years now. She does not want to remember the time she came in because, like Shannon Hickman, she was accused of causing the death of a child. She told me in vague terms about that time, but my questions seemed to bother her. She said that the other inmates were not accepting. They called her a “baby killer” and told her to just kill herself. They wouldn’t allow her to sit with them for meals. She says she was “shunned” by the women.

I remember when Shannon was born – just a few months before my niece, Miranda. I can’t help feeling badly for her. She was powerless to decide how she was raised. She was powerless in her marriage. She was powerless in saving her child. And, for the next six years, she will be completely powerless in raising her surviving children.

In The News

For those of you who are following the latest Followers of Christ news, you have probably heard that Dale and Shannon Hickman were each given a 75-month prison sentence for the death of their premature baby boy, David.

Here is a link to that news story: http://www.katu.com/news/local/132936083.html

And here is the Oregonian article about the sentencing: http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-city/index.ssf/2011/10/dale_and_shannon_hickman_of_th.html

Now, the Hickmans' two surviving children will be raised by other members of the church.

What do you think about this sentence?

Frequently Asked Questions - Part 2

I appreciate all the thoughtful questions and comments people have posted and emailed this past week. This week, I respond to your questions. Please keep them coming - I love hearing from you!

Question: How do you as a "church" turn anyone away, didn’t Jesus die to save everyone? How are they any different than a person off of the street? If they are not baptized, what difference does it make? If someone wants to try to "follow" the Bible in the same fashion, how are they not allowed? Is that even legal? Seeing that a church is tax exempt, therefore needs to benefit the whole community

Answer: The “church” began to turn people away after Walter White died in 1969 because they believed his death marked the end of baptism and that anyone not baptized by that point had lost their opportunity. Walter had prophesied the end of time three years before his death (he believed his vision meant time would end in three years) but it was actually a prophesy of the end of his own life. The Followers continued on believing time would end soon. As time went on and the end didn’t come, nor did another “anointed” prophet appear, the belief spread that the children of the baptized people (and eventually grandchildren) were “born holy” because of their parents. The issue became a bit murky when some people adopted children from “the world” and that issue is not resolved. For thirty or so years, the church got away with disallowing outsiders, but it caught up with them and they lost their non-profit tax exemption.

Question: Do followers read the Bible?

Answer: It wasn’t emphasized when I was there. There are about two dozen Bible verses are important to the religion. The key verses, out of context and largely misinterpreted, that dictate the actions and beliefs of the Followers. Our Bibles consisted of the New Testament and Psalms only. And we were told that the only true Bibles were in King James Version. This was because of the verse in Revelation 22:19: “And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.” I’m not saying other Followers were as naïve as me, but I always believed that English was the Biblical language. When I became a born again Christian and showed up to a family function (where members of the Idaho FOC church were also present) carrying my NIV Bible, I was cast as a heretic for reading a false Bible.

Question: I have heard of a few different people doing public confessions. What’s that all about?

Answer: This practice has disappeared. In the days of Walter White, I’m told he would preach about a specific sin and then call out people who were guilty of that sin during his sermons. Also when people were caught in sin they had to confess it from the pulpit and ask for the church’s forgiveness. This practice continued after Walter’s death until 1986 when the last church elder died and the church stopped having bible teaching.

Question: I'm curious, how long does the shunning happen? Months? Years?

Answer: I always thought it was a year, but my mom says that it could go on much longer and sometimes shorter, depending on the circumstances (including family influence). Sometimes people are intentionally shunned out of church. I write about this much more specifically in my memoir.

Question: Why not go blind too? Is it not Gods will if you have rotten teeth or poor eye sight?

Answer: Good question! Followers haven’t always gotten dental care. This changed when Walter was alive and he instructed the church to get dental care because it was the law for children. I have old photographs of men in the original group that came to Oregon from Idaho and there was one older man wearing glasses. I think that Followers don’t consider optometry to be medicine. It is seen more along the line of a walking stick or a wheelchair for someone who cannot walk.

Question: Is it okay for them to associate with us at work but not anywhere else?

Answer: Yes, Followers are allowed to be friendly with worldly people while doing business, but that ends when work is over. I’m sure they would stop and say hello to a work acquaintance if they bumped into you in public, but they would not invite you to their home or make social plans with you.

Question: But what about Jesus? What about His sacrifice on the cross for us... for all of us?? John 14:6 Jesus says that He is the only way to heaven...to the Father- His Father - God. Read all of the gospel of John to learn about who Jesus is.

Answer: The most important thing on this subject, from the FOC interpretation, was the conversation Jesus had with Nicodemus in John, chapter three. Followers believe that when Jesus says: “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God (John 3:5)” that Jesus is referring to a water baptism, not our water birth. So thus, you cannot go to heaven unless you are baptized with water. Further, they believe you cannot be baptized except by a man who is called by God with miracles and signs to preach. Since there is no such person available to baptize people, there is no assurance of salvation.

Question: Are you still worried that you will go to hell because you left?

Answer: Yes, I worry about Hell. Not because I left, but because I was a part of that church to begin with. I spent my formative years convinced any misstep would send me to Hell and I’ve spent my adult years trying to reason, work, pray, and justify my way out. I know what the Bible says about Salvation, the Good News of Jesus. I believe it…I try to believe it…I want to believe it. But the voices of doubt and substance of my heritage haunt me.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

-1 John 4:18

Frequently Asked Questions - Part 1

I have gotten a lot of questions about the Followers of Christ throughout my life, both when I was attending and since. Here are some questions that come to mind. If you have more, please post them under the comments, or email them to me and I will answer them in a later blog.

Question: Since the Followers do not accept outsiders into their congregation, are they concerned about running out of potential mates for their children?

Answer: No, they are not worried. Followers are allowed to marry cousins, as long as they are at least second cousins. It's not unheard of for a girl to keep her maiden name because she has married someone with the same last name. A side note, some worldly people think the Followers are called “kissers” because they are kissing cousins, rather than the practice of the “Holy Kiss.”

Question: Are the number of childhood deaths increasing due to the shallow gene pool.

Answer: Maybe. I haven't gathered genetic samples and run tests. More likely, the number of childhood deaths are more visible due to more recent legislation and news coverage, not actual increasing numbers.

Question: If a Follower decided to become a doctor, would it be OK to go to him/her? Seems like trusting your own to aid in your own health care would be allowed?

Answer: If a Follower decided to become a doctor, he/she would not be welcome at church – the heretic!

Question: Do the midwives have any training? If so, who trains them? Do they sign the birth certificates?

Answer: Yes, they have practical training. They have to have given birth themselves. They also have to help at a set number of births before they can be an official midwife. No formal training though – and many do not have even a high school diploma. They do sign the birth certificates. In the box labeled hospital, it says “Followers.”

Question: If there are no ministers or Bible teaching, what are church services like?

Answer: Every Sunday morning and Thursday evening, the women and young children enter the sanctuary and sit according to their life situation (by age and gender for children, the newlyweds sit together, new parents sit near the back so they can take their babies out if they cry, after this life stage, people sit near relatives and friends). When it is time for church to start, all the men file in and find their wives to sit by them. The piano player sits at the front at a grand piano (the pulpit is deserted, though it is set up just like it was when there were men to teach and preach). If there is an announcement to be made – someone needs prayer, someone needs care, there is an upcoming wedding, etc – one of the five men who are appointed as the church leaders will make the announcement from the microphone near the piano. The piano player announces a song number and everyone stands to sing all the verses of the song. Next the congregation kneels at their benches and prays silently for two minutes. Everyone takes their seats, and eight more songs are announced and sung. The piano player will announce, “last song,” and everyone stands to sing the last song. The men file outside to talk amongst themselves and the women and children stay inside to socialize. That's it. Takes about twenty-five minutes start to finish.

Question: When a Follower is taken to the hospital from a car crash, do they get shunned?

Answer: No, church members come and visit them and pray for them. When I was a kid, I remember a really bad crash where an older lady broke something like twenty bones. The doctors gave a very poor prognosis, but we all prayed, and the next day, the bones had miraculously healed. The doctors said they had never seen anything like it. Incidents like that really reinforced the idea that God was on our side, and doctors/hospitals were irrelevant at best, but more likely harmful and deadly.

Question: Why won't Followers talk to the media and defend themselves for their beliefs and practices.

Answer: One of the biggest rules is to keep our business private. We are convinced that anyone who talks to outsiders about our religion is a heretic and blasphemer. Even those who leave often live the rest of their lives in fear of breaking this rule not only for their own soul, but for the social repercussions of the relatives they left behind who are still in the church.

Question: Do you regret leaving? Are you in fear of your immortal soul for going public with this information?

Answer: I do not regret leaving. I do not believe I am sinning, or wrong, by going public with my experiences and opinions. My writing is meant to be informational, helpful, and enlightening.

Question: When will your book be finished?

Answer: I have another six months of writing left before I go into the editing and rewriting stages. All final edits will be complete by this time next year.

Question: How does your family feel about your blog and memoir?

Answer: They haven't disowned me yet.

Why People Stay

In my last blog, I listed the main reasons people decide to cut ties with the Followers of Christ Church. In today’s blog, why so many stay.

1.      Fear. The primary reason people stay and obey is the fear of Hell. We are taught from infancy that the only way to have any hope of avoiding Hell Fire and Damnation is to belong to this one, elite group in Oregon City. If we leave, we are assured an eternity in Hell.

2.      Legacy. Parents who have seen their daughters die in childbirth, or their sons die of curable ailments, have made the ultimate sacrifice. They have stood by and trusted God while their child dies an agonizing, often drawn-out death. If they leave, the child has died for nothing. Similarly, siblings of these martyred children feel a strong loyalty to that sibling, niece, or loved one to stay and make sense of the death.

3.      Family. Leaving means being shunned out of your family. It’s a hard choice to make and I believe it’s the root for many apathetic people who continue to show up. The church is the identity of the members. It's who they are. It's all they have ever known for generations. The outside world is a scary unknown.

4.      Security. The Follower lifestyle offers its members a number of benefits. Here are a few of them:

a.       Free health care. I know this is ironic, but broken bones are set free of charge, midwives provide gratis services, and church members volunteer around-the-clock hospice to those who are bedridden.

b.      Weddings and Funerals. The cost of these services for the entire family is included in the membership fee each young man pays upon coming of age.

c.       Jobs. Many Follower men own small businesses and give hiring preferences to other church members.

d.      Emergencies. If a man is unable to work due to illness, the church will help the family out financially. If a man dies and leaves a family, church members donate money to help the family. If a couple is charged with manslaughter, the church divides up the attorney expenses and chip in their share.

5.      Social Life. Every Sunday night, during the school year, the church hosts a dance for teenagers and young, unmarried adults. The dances feature live music by one of the church bands (all male of course) who play oldies, Country Western, and sometimes popular music. Every holiday, even Christmas, means a church dance party. New Years’ parties are the highlight. They start out at around 7:00pm on New Years’ Eve and continue until 6:00am the next morning. The New Years’ parties feature a different band every two hours, a midnight countdown with a balloon and candy drop, and all the free soda and hot dogs you can eat. Free of charge. Everyone loves these parties. Kids bring sleeping bags and lay them out to sleep – though I doubt anyone actually gets any sleep. During the summer months, the parents of teenagers host at-home parties for all the teens, taking turns, each Friday and Sunday night. They provide a structure to keep the kids busy in a safe and controlled environment.

6.  Faith. They believe they are truly and honestly God's only annointed people and they are doing what He is calling them to do.

I read many angry comments on the news sites about the FOC, but this isn’t a case of some evil or uncaring people purposely neglecting their children. I hope this will give a different perspective.