Beverly Penrod: Terrified of God, Walter, and Haircuts

Last Wednesday, I received the following email from Beverly Penrod, the niece of Ernest Nichols, the rejected FOC preacher. She graciously gave me permission to publish her letter here.

As with all of my guest bloggers, the opinions and statements of the guest do not necessarily reflect my own beliefs or experiences.

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My name is Beverly Penrod. My cousin told me how to reach your blog. I spent the biggest share of yesterday and many hours today reading it. I couldn’t sleep last night due to the memories flooding back. I was born into the Followers of Christ in 1942. My memories are of the church not good. No they are frightening. 
 
I can only say that Walter White is the devil himself and my Uncle Ernest Nichols was close behind.
 
We attended church in Caldwell until Walter and, I think his name was Vern Baldwin, had a fight, disagreement, argument or whatever. I do not remember much about the Idaho church. We followed Walter to Oregon City, to California, and back to Oregon City. I think that is the order of our moves. I was very young. We moved wherever he went or where we were told to go. My granddad, Kenneth Robert Sayre, was an Elder. I am not sure if he was ordained Caldwell or Oregon City. 

Church doctrine was strictly enforced in our home. I can remember my mother crying because she could not cut her hair. It was her crowning glory. Her hair was very thin and she wanted it styled. She was shamed. My grandmother popped my mouth for asking what God looked like. I was five years old. We were not allowed to talk about God. We were taught to fear God. Hell Fire and Damnation. If we strayed from what Walter taught we were doomed to hell. Even to get a haircut or wonder what God looked like. 

Uncle Ernest preached also. Walter, Uncle Ernest, and the elders picked someone to rebuke during Sunday’s service. This was truly frightening with the screaming and crying. People were made to stand and hopefully confess their sin. I think the rebuking was the most frightening thing to my young ears. My grandparents told me how the people were selected after we were shunned. The kissing was also frightening. It was awful having all of those old people kiss me on the lips. I still to this day do not want to be kissed on the lips by anyone. 

So I was terrified of God. Of getting a haircut. Of people yelling and crying during services. Of kisses. Of going to hell. Of making Walter or Uncle Ernest mad which was a sure way to get to hell. When I was 11 or 12 Walter baptized a lot of people in the river. I was one of them. I don’t remember if it was the Clackamas or the Willamette River. Guess it doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to go to hell. Then came the shunning. Another kind of hell.

Walter and Uncle Ernest scared the hell out of people to get them to do their bidding, but Uncle Ernest did not agree with everything Walter said and did. But Uncle was as guilty as Walter when it came to who would be shunned and controlled. Uncle Ernest and Aunt May had a small grocery store and Walter decided that everyone should shop there. My grandmother refused and Walter told granddad that he had to divorce her if he could not control her. Grandma and granddad lived to celebrate 50 years of marriage. 

Of course we could not go to a doctor and if we went to a dentist we could not have pain meds or Novocain. I still have an insane fear of dentists. When I was eight or nine years old I was stricken with Rheumatic fever. I was sick for months and my family was sure I was dying. Walter and the elders were called in to lay on hands. I was on the road to recovery in weeks. I firmly believe in the power of prayer in healing. I have experienced it more than once. So I cannot knock all aspects of the church. However the Followers’ cemetery is full of my beloved aunts and uncles and cousins who died very young from easily cured diseases and babies that were never given a chance. 
  
My family (grandparents, mother, sister and myself and various cousins) were shunned when granddad had to move from Oregon City for his health. Walter and Uncle said that if granddad’s faith was strong enough he would be healed in Oregon City. We were not shunned right away. Uncle Orin Keith wrote a letter a few years later. It about killed my grandmother. A great sadness came over most of my family. It installed a deep hatred of everything and everyone in the Followers of Christ.

I have been able to forgive, but I will never forget. The fear, the heartbreak, the pity I have for my family that remain in the church. I am very comfortable with my God. A kind, forgiving, merciful, loving God. 

Oh yes before I forget Uncle Ernest left the church. I think due to problems with Walter. Anyway his five kids shunned him. My aunts in Oklahoma cried at how the kids were treating their father. My sister and I at the same time said “it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.” I think Deaner may have seen Uncle after the shunning. 

I have had a hard time sleeping since I read your blog.  The church you write about sounds like a softer gentler one than I remember.  Since I read your blog the memories have come flooding back.  The fear of Walter most of all.  I go to sleep thinking about him and the church ect are on my mind when I wake up.

I am most grateful to know that Jesus is my way to heaven and not Walter White.