Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Woman's Place is in the Home



A man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done.”

I don't know who came up with that catchy quote, but I heard it often throughout my formative years. It made me angry when I understood what it meant. It meant that men had less work than women. It meant that as a future woman, my lot in life was already settled. It meant that a boy could grow up to be a wide variety of things, but I had no options. I hated being female.

When I turned thirteen and was old enough to dance at church parties, I was often disappointed that the boys didn't choose to dance with me. The girls had to stand in our corner and wait for boys to walk over and tap us on the shoulder, signifying that he wanted to dance. We stood in circles so that the boys could tap us from behind. But I was rarely chosen for dances, except with my brothers who chose me out of sympathy.

Mom had a lot of advice for me on the subject of how to attract a boy. “You have to smile a lot,” she advised, “and wear red. Boys like red.” I remember one Sunday night, wearing my red dress and smiling the entire two hours. It didn't work.

Another thing my mom often told me was to act dumb around boys. That men and boys didn't like girls and women who were smarter than them. What a terribly defeating piece of advice. Didn't it matter what the girls and women wanted out of a man? I would be lucky for anyone to dance with me or date me. I didn't have a choice. I had to be dumber than all the boys so I wouldn't intimidate them.

I hated that my brothers worked outside and I was stuck with housework. I wanted to mow the lawn, and help Dad in the garage. But, I had three older brothers, and wasn't needed. I wanted to go on hikes and to go hunting, but I wasn't invited because Dad had his boys.

After school, my mom would tell my brother that he and I had to get the house cleaned up. He always chose to clean the living room. It was his choice. I got stuck with kitchen duty, while my brother was in the other room watching television. He'd wait until the last moment, then rush around and clean up some clutter in the living room.

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:4-5

I didn't want to be stuck with no choices. I hated the lack of options when it came to potential dates. That we weren't allowed to date outsiders, so the boys had a monopoly and called all the shots. No competition for them.

I hated the thought of being a subservient woman. Of having to serve a man and, worse than anything, obey him! But, I did want to be married. There just weren't any other choices to be made. If I didn't marry, I was expected to live with my parents. I wanted freedom.

But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.

Matthew 23:11

When I was a teenager, I got so frustrated at one of the dances that I complained to my friend, “Boys act like they're better than us.”

She looked at me and with a completely straight face said, “They are better.”

What the heck? She really believed that.

But then I found some comfort in the above and below quotes from the book of Matthew. I even brought it up with some of my friends and family members. But they acted horrified that I would suggest that women would someday be rewarded for their lack of status here on Earth. How could I suggest that women would be first in Heaven? Women would never be put before men.

But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.

Matthew 19:30

And that's true. I don't believe either gender will be put before the other in the end. As the below quote from Galatians explains, there will be no gender in heaven. That's something to be thankful for!

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:28

But as I've matured, I've had a lot of opportunities and options. But one option I never got was to be a keeper of the home. My not working outside the home just wasn't possible, for reasons that I cannot explain here. I had to work. Some would say that since I had to work, I shouldn't have brought children into this world to be raised by others. For the most part, though, my children were watched by my parents when I have had to work.

This school year is the first in my children's lives when, in essence, I am a keeper of the home. I have a teaching schedule that allows me to drop my kids off at school and drive to work, teach my classes, and then leaves time for me to pick the kids up after school. The timing couldn't be any better for my folks; they are ready to be just grandparents.

And something else I've learned by experience and getting to know a variety of people and their lifestyles is that being a homemaker is noble career choice. There are many happy, intelligent, educated women who choose to stay home and create a beautiful home for their families. They put their creative energy into making the best of what they have materially, making good food, and nurturing their children. The care, education, and guidance of my children is the accomplishment I am most proud of. It is the most difficult job I've ever had. It is worth every tear, frustration, worry, stress, and more to be the person God entrusts with such an important vocation.

So, do I think a woman's place is in the home? Ideally, yes. I admire women who do the job and make a beautiful art of their work. And, I admire men who treat their wives as equals, who respect the opinions and desires of their wives. A man who would put the happiness of his wife and family before his own happiness. A good and humble man makes a woman want to be his help-mate.

67 comments:

  1. Thanks! Just what I needed to hear today.

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  2. Wow. Just wow. This seriously brought tears to my eyes! I relate to this post on SO many levels you have no idea... When's your book coming out?

    Chris Bodnovits

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    1. Thanks Chris :) I'm working on finding the right person to represent me through the traditional publishing route. I will post about it as soon as I know more.

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  3. Wow, was only trying to be nice. Suzi, you’re caving in to negativity of opposition of other press. I was wondering when that was gonna happen.

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    1. Hi Anonymous, and thanks for reading. I'm not sure what "other press" you are referring to, but I assure you that I do not change my opinions easily. My ideas about motherhood and womanhood have evolved through experience and time.

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  4. Not sure what anonymous' point is or if there is one, but I think you did a good job. I know a lot of women, even outside the church who were raised to believe they didn't have options. We do. Thanks, Suzi.

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  5. That answers everything. You said "ideally yes" that a woman's place is at home? Don't you mean according to the word of god that a woman's place is at home? You are bringing everything into perspective with this entry. Suzanne, do you also think that ideally women are silent in the church also or do we not have to read the whole bible. It sounds to me like you make the rules up as you go, you should have believed what your mom was trying to teach you and not been so rebellious against her teaching and gods word. Maybe then you could have raised your own children like a real christian woman.

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    1. No, I shouldn't have have listened to my mom about acting like I was dumb around boys. A respectable man is not intimated by an intelligent woman (who would you trust your kid with - an airhead or an intelligent person?).

      And to say that I "could have raised [my] own children like a real Christian woman" is a low blow. You obviously do not know me or you would know that there is nothing more important to me than my children. You would also know that they are in grade school still, so it's far too early to berate myself for whatever you think I'm guilty of.

      As far as talking in church...I talk to lots of people at church, but I have no interest in church leadership. How strange to have to go to church and not say a word. Do your women really do that?

      And by the way, I have read the entire Bible (have YOU?) and continue to do so. I do not leave out whatever doesn't suit me (do YOU?).

      Thanks for your mean-spirited remarks.

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  6. Wow, Anonymous November 27, 2012 10:21AM, you are completely cracked.

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  7. It sounded spot on, "cracked"? That's rude however you want to take it. Can you picture a young woman with aspirations beyond her biblical lot in life wanting more? Of course you can, it took her years mature and see the value of that life. As admirable as suzies accomplishments are, It takes a strong woman to come to the conclusion that she has. At the risk of drawing scorn from the feminazis

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    1. I'm not sure that there's anything unbiblical about pursuing an education and career.

      The conclusion I've come to is that there is a reason that God put the gifts of nurturing, hospitality, and caring into women and that being in the home, particularly when your children are growing up, is ideal. I don't think anyone (feminist or not) can argue with that.

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    2. I have a lot of regard for what your doing Suzie, but its literally "biblical" for a woman to be the keeper of the home. It's not very realistic in today's economy. You won't be able to give your children the life that you've got planned for them either, their own college education, nice vacations, etc. the head shrinkers claim that you develop morals, and basic knowledge of right and wrong by first grade. Early years are critical IMO to the development of a child. If a mother is absent, for whatever respectable reasons, it's not ideal on many levels. But your too smart to argue that there is no biblical reason, there is, especially if you have children.

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  8. It sounds to me like you are as close to a feminist as you can get without actually coming all the way out of the closet.

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    1. My name is Suzi Shumaker, and I am proud to be a feminist. I was raised by a dad who was likely the most pro-woman man ever to belong to the OC FOC.

      I'm also a Democrat. I will blog about that later.

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  9. “Just Like…”

    1 The reasons why women wanted to work… are the same reasons all humans do what they do… want.
    2 Did they do it for love? Did they do it for money? Did they do it for freedom? Did they think they had to…?
    3 Anonymous November 27, 2012 10:21 AM What you wrote has 1 issue with verb agreement, 1 issue with verb form use, 3 issues with Punctuation within a sentence, and 7 issues with writing style.

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  10. Hey, Anonymous...instead of criticizing Suzi's so-called writing mistakes, have you yet learned the difference between "your" and "you're"? Your grammar, punctuation, and rambling thoughts SUCK. You're full of dookey, and have no idea what you speak of.

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  11. Hey, Anonymous...instead of criticizing Suzi's so-called writing mistakes, have you yet learned the difference between "your" and "you're"? Your grammar, punctuation, and rambling thoughts SUCK. You're full of dookey, and have no idea what you speak of.

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  12. Tell me something Wendell, how did Solomon Bleed out a lier? A quality assurance test. A lier is exactly what you are!

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  13. You can talk as much as you want but in the end...
    I won. You lost; get use to the idea!

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  14. Wow you are a total retard. What are you even talking about? Are you having an argument with your self? Who won what... I think you need to go back in the closet that Suzi just came out of!

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  15. Democrat? So Suzi you believe in abortion, gay rights, gay marriage, re-distribution of wealth, stem cell research, higher taxes, less national defense, against the right to bear arms? You must be to call your self a Democrat. This is the most enlightening blog you have written yet. Thanks for finally telling the truth about your self and your actual beliefs.

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    1. Will the narrow minded bull never end? Suzie may be a lot of things, but to be clear once again, she is no liar. She expressed what I considered to be conservative views one time. I thought she was a republican too. But there are moderate democrats, conservative democrats, and capital D democrats. The ones that you speak of would be capital D's. Its nice how you lump together half the country as thinking exactly the same. Then try to pretend that a group of extremists in Oregon city are all free thinking individuals. So complex that no one could put a finger on what you think about any given topic. I can't wait to hear about her political views.

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  16. Aon Nov 28 2012 10:12 AM Are you sure you wanna ride this train?

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  17. Choo choo moron!!!

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  18. Hey retard are you going to drive this train or just sit there and drool???

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  19. When did we start leting the trash back in? Tony

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  20. Who are you talking about Twitch?

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  21. Wha wha wha what. Tony

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  22. He spoke the truth about English writing. In proper English writing they teach you not to use contractions like “can’t” it should be “cannot”. Using contractions would consummate a wrong style. Writing style is a personal choice. It is really not a big deal.

    To Anon Nov 27 2012 7:48 PM
    An interesting observation about how Solomon found a liar and about writing. You must be a poker player. I am sure that you cannot do one hundred percent proper English writing yourself, without the help of a computer (only a geniuses English writer could).

    It is not hard to see the ones that come here to learn, and share their knowledge, and the ones that come here because (not cause; hill billy word) they crave violence, and want to find some one ridicule. That is the trash. Being offended by truth… not good.

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  23. (AA 888) full house.

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    1. Who are you talking to you tard.

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    2. Shame on you! Are you really making fun of someone with a disability???????

      Look how low you have sunk. Instead of arguing against a man's statements you name call and make fun of his disabilities.

      "Who are you talking about Twitch?" The "twitch" was caused by teenagers choking each other. He did not do this to himself!

      By the way, how old are you? Didn't your parents teach you not to make fun of people?

      "Wha wha wha what." When someone suffers brain damage sometimes they stutter.

      Shame on you!

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    3. This whole exchange was horrible. Thanks FOC for showing your true colors,,, again, and again.

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    4. Of course it was horrible: _.G was possessed by an evil spirit, & he probably had more than just him under it’s control but they chose to hide in the shadows like their cowardly father Satan.

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  24. That is funny that you are not a democrat. Walter told us to register democrat.

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  25. I didn't know that. I thought we weren't supposed to vote, so how would it matter how you're registered?

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  26. Only if it was something directly concerning the church

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  27. So you will vote if it concerns the church, otherwise no voting? You have a lot of votes to throw around at politicians, why not try to get the ones into office that will help you. I mean in the fantasy world where there is one.

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  28. these responses have certainly entertained me.

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  29. democrat does not mean you believe abortion is the right choice. there is a lot more to being a democrat then murder.

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  30. Suzi...

    For what it's worth, when men talk about a woman's place being in the home...

    ...remember that a man's place is in the home, too. It's only in the most modern times that men earn their livelihood away from the family. Those men today who put a high value on their wives and children find ways to make a living from home if at all possible, or to make time to be together as a family when it's not.

    Unfortunately, we live in a time when single mothers are the norm rather than the exception, and yet so many people continue to smugly quote the stay-at-home ideal to those hardworking,long-suffering moms who represent the only responsible party caring for the outcome of their children's lives - and for what? Apparently to remind these women - once again - that they have fallen short of perfection, yet they never stop to question where the father is or why he is not making himself known to his own family. Nor do any of these all-knowing, self-appointed marriage and parenting experts offer any workable solutions or lift a finger to help bring about change.

    This post's comments have devolved into a political rant of some obscure merit...???...but as a woman who raised kids all on her own, both as a working single mom and a stay-at-home Christian homeschooling mom, with and at times without the presence and support of a come-and-go husband, I just wanted to say that I feel your pain.

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    1. Lets back up, the feminist blog entry was touting the greatness of the feminist movement. One point was that a woman gets the kids in a divorce now a days. I'm sure you never accepted any money from your " come and go" husband. If you were going to gripe about raising your children later then maybe you should've let your husband get custody in the divorce. But that might have cut your alimony, and child support. Many fathers would love the opportunity to raise their own kids. Thanks to the feminist movement they don't get the opportunity, then get to listen to how hard it was from their X.

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    2. Are you suggesting that if a woman gets the kids in a custody suit, she should not accept money from the children's father as support for those children?

      I was not "griping" about raising my children, but for the sake of argument, what would you have to say about me as a person if I had let my ex take the kids? I'll go ahead and fill in the blank and guess that you'd call me a bad mother for abandoning them.

      So what are my choices here? I can accept responsibility for my children and struggle to raise them myself and be told that my place is in the home, that I should have been more ____ (submissive, accepting, competent, agreeable, biblical, feminine - take your pick) and perhaps my marriage would have held together, that I'm a disgrace to Christian motherhood...blah blah blah, or I can let my estranged husband raise them in my absence and be called cold, uncaring, unfit, a bad mother, unChristian, blah blah blah.

      So I, like so many women, followed my heart and my instincts and kept my children, and decided I would take on the whole world in their behalf. And guess what? I did just that, mostly without help or support of any kind, thank you very much. And I'm proud of what I did. It wasn't easy, but I did it.

      And having done so, I will gladly go head to head with any ignoramus who belittles the lives and intentions of single mothers.

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    3. What you said before the bla's is the truth. You and I know it. You even stated it. If you had been a wife, and not s feminist your marriage may have lasted. You can't be a Christian woman, and a stereotypical feminist.

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    4. You are a closed-minded and bitter little creature, aren't you? That's so cute.

      You have no idea what my life was or is like, what kind of a person I am, what my marital issues were or anything else about me, and yet you feel you have the right to judge me and others whose burdens you know nothing about and have never had to personally bear.

      Women become feminists out of self-preservation. If a woman is not treated well and leaves her marriage despite social pressure and moral misgivings and even shunning, then there must be a problem that calling her names isn't going to fix. The reason you are so rabidly vehement about this issue is because you know and I know that this is true.

      I'm done talking to you. You ran out of fresh ideas long ago, and are merely making stereotypical character assaults. Just because you can't see where a woman can be Christian and feminist doesn't mean it isn't possible, and you may never see it because your mind is closed, and your mind will never open until your heart does.

      Good luck with that.

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    5. What kind of retarded world view does it take to knock fathers for not working at home? What job can a father have at home. It takes a feminist to criticize a father for working outside of the home, therefore making him a come and go husband. It's a false comparison like this that puts a spotlight on the problem with feminism, no sense of logic! Just personal politics.

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  31. Nicely put I believe Paul tells us to pray for the fatherless and widowed. It is far easier to simply compair ones self to another and say how supior one is. We compair our self like the pharicies do, we can always stretch ourselfs along side another and say how great we are. Where is the compassion where is the love to these single mothers and their children? I don't believe suzi has ever said she was not a sinner. I don't believe she has ever said she has met perfection yet. She has fallen short like all have. But like all who has excepted Christ in their life rests on the mercy and greece of our Lord Jesus Christ. We all have fallen short, we all need to have this mercy and grace. We all need to have compassion towards each other. Where is your hand up to these fatherless and widowed, single mothers trying to raise there kids in a Godly manner. It is far easier to say well she deserves this, this happened because she has left the only true church. So this is what she deserves. If one believes on this line than one still is required to help. In the very least the amount of mercy you show that is the amount you will recieve. There is so many other scriptures to support kindness, love, and mercy here. Instead of finger pointing and bad mouthing. How would our Lord handle a single mother today? With judgement or compassion on that mother? Thank you suzi for your courage, for your desire to have a relationship with Christ, and to raise your children to know who God is. At the end of the day that is what counts.

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    1. The way society holds single mothers up on a pedestal should be enough. There is every manner of social program designed to make it easier for single mothers. Even homeless shelters kick single fathers out to make room for the honored single mother. It's harder for a single father, who by the way gets to reap none of the same benefits.

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    2. I have been trying to come up with a better word to describe the post above, but the only one I can think of is

      stupid

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    3. Or maybe accurate? Keep working on it, you'll come up with something.

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    4. No stupid is better. Post your address so I can send you a dictionary and you can look up the definition of stupid that is assuming you can read?

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    5. Is this all about 6:44? What exactly is incorrect about it. The news, and TV shows portray the single mother as a faultless, wonderful example of what a parent should be. To the contrary, fathers are neutered, disgraceful deadbeats. They might be casually referred to as "come and go fathers" but when the mother is calling the shots as to how often a divorcé father can see his children then who's fault is that. Feminists belittle men. Society cheers them on, and once a man is fully pussified by an overbearing wife, she leaves him because she can no longer have any respect for him.

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  32. Sounds like a bunch of lesbos to me.

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  33. You religious nut jobs make me laugh.

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  34. I know! These idiot kissers are too stupid to realize that the more they show their true colors, the more the normal people of OC despise them. Keep it coming Kissers! You're only burying yourselves!

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    1. Are you in middle school or do just hate everyone that's different from you?

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    2. The FOC hates everyone except themselves so that makes you a hypocrite. The FOC claims everyone except themselves are going to hell and treat outsiders like dirt.

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    3. This blog is full of hate towards followers. And I hate no one. Calling people kissers is childish and hateful. By the way I hope no one has to feel the flames of hell. I am trying to work out my own salvation which is what everyone has to do no matter where they go to worship. And now you have called me kisser and hypocrite. I bet you can do better.

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    4. Charging people for having differnce of belifs is like hand out speeding tickets at the Indy 500.

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  35. That's assuming that they can hate them more. Teachers, neighbors, anyone that gets the opportunity is against them. Workplace drama, you name it. But your right, the way people have posted on here brings shame on the whole church. The lack if scriptural backing of their ways makes is worse.

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    1. They way the church members have acted the last few decades, they have brought shame on themselves.

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  36. What can they do to redeem themselves. Public outreach, charitable programs?

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  37. How about staring with quitting committing felonies and child deaths and take children to the hospital when they are seriously sick or injured. Just that one thing is probably about the only thing they would need to do.

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  38. So that would stop people from calling them kissers. Would that alone atone for condemning the non members of the world to hell? Would that settle all of the wrongs done to ex-members? Would that truly stop the outpouring of hate? Your optimistic.

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  39. Biblically, a married woman is to submit to her husband, BUT, he is to love her as Christ loved the church. Christ suffered immensely for his church. Everything he did was for the love of his church. His entire life was devoted to her and her alone. If done Biblically, the pressure is on the man.

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