Sunday, February 24, 2013

Push Your Way In

I was mopping the floor and had locked my dog in the bathroom so she wouldn’t lick the chemicals off the floor. She’s a three pound teacup Chihuahua and she will NOT be ignored. So I mopped the floor to the sounds of scratching and whining. That poor baby – ten minutes of neglect! But as I was working, I kept hearing the words “push your way in” in my memories.

* * * * *     

“Walter always said to ‘push your way in’.” My folks would tell me and my siblings when we were discouraged by being left out of the church cliques. Do you know how much it sucks to be told that you must select all of your friends and potential mates from just a few dozen people?
Most of my peers told me at some point (or several points) that they were told by their mothers to exclude me. I know of only one person (she was two years older than I) who acted on her own to turn people against me – and her case was driven by a misunderstanding.  Maybe she’ll read my book and finally understand what really happened. Maybe she carries no guilt over what she did and doesn’t care.
But it doesn’t matter to me at this point – I am actually glad for what she did, because it was the final kick in the butt pushing me outta there (although it took me three years from that incident to get the courage to leave).
I think of that group (the FOC) as a group of people who are stuck inside a big glass ball. The air holes are small and it’s hard to get out – but those tiny holes are conical to make it nearly impossible to get back in once you’re out. And that’s a good thing. There aren’t a lot of reasons for wanting to be there once you’ve gotten a little perspective. In fact, I can think of only one: being able to see and talk with your family members.
If you leave, you’ll be shunned. I’m so glad you’re staying because you WANT to be there or because you believe it’s the right thing to do. Push your way in? Into those gossipy little cliques whose parents were against you from the time you were born into the “wrong” family? No thanks. You can have your cliques.
I’ll take my freedom.


  1. Ditto Suzi - I find so many to be of small mind,I feel sorry for them, problem it hurts, solution we grow :)

  2. So much hate in this world, under the guise of something wholesome. I look forward to the publication of your memoir.

    1. Exactly. If you have to harm others (especially children) to prove you're right; you're not. Thanks for posting.

  3. Hi Suzi,
    Freedom is the topic of the day. I just visited Alana's blog and she had this element in her post too. We have pushed in some areas and there are still more to go. Some aren't worth the effort! Conformity is a way that we voluntarily give up our freedom. Congrats to you on having the insight to move on.

    Thanks again for the beneficial feedback last month in the UBC!

  4. Hi Suzi, Kudos for you to do what's right for you. Here's to freedom. I don't really know anything about FOC, but I do know cultish groups. I grew up in one; they can be so insular, and acting as if they are the be-all, end-all for people. Growing this way gave me a healthy respect and distrust of groups, but also the ability to leave when I wanted to. Some groups are useful! Like UBC. :-)

    1.'s nice to connect with Beth. I never imagined others thought they were the "one true church" as well. It is certainly a red flag, in retrospect.

      Thanks for posting.

  5. Its always the other guys fault never yours

    1. I don't think like that - in terms of "fault". It doesn't matter in the big picture.

  6. --I am not sure what you are releasing yourself from...

    but I am thrilled you are "Finally" liberated from your bondage.

    Are you still a follower of Christ?


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