I was mopping the floor and had locked my dog in the bathroom so she wouldn’t lick the chemicals off the floor. She’s a three pound teacup Chihuahua and she will NOT be ignored. So I mopped the floor to the sounds of scratching and whining. That poor baby – ten minutes of neglect! But as I was working, I kept hearing the words “push your way in” in my memories.
* * * * *
“Walter always said to ‘push your way in’.” My folks would tell me and my siblings when we were discouraged by being left out of the church cliques. Do you know how much it sucks to be told that you must select all of your friends and potential mates from just a few dozen people?
Most of my peers told me at some point (or several points) that they were told by their mothers to exclude me. I know of only one person (she was two years older than I) who acted on her own to turn people against me – and her case was driven by a misunderstanding. Maybe she’ll read my book and finally understand what really happened. Maybe she carries no guilt over what she did and doesn’t care.
But it doesn’t matter to me at this point – I am actually glad for what she did, because it was the final kick in the butt pushing me outta there (although it took me three years from that incident to get the courage to leave).
I think of that group (the FOC) as a group of people who are stuck inside a big glass ball. The air holes are small and it’s hard to get out – but those tiny holes are conical to make it nearly impossible to get back in once you’re out. And that’s a good thing. There aren’t a lot of reasons for wanting to be there once you’ve gotten a little perspective. In fact, I can think of only one: being able to see and talk with your family members.
If you leave, you’ll be shunned. I’m so glad you’re staying because you WANT to be there or because you believe it’s the right thing to do. Push your way in? Into those gossipy little cliques whose parents were against you from the time you were born into the “wrong” family? No thanks. You can have your cliques.
I’ll take my freedom.