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Maggie and Suzi
Sisters-In-Law
September 1993 |
Some readers have wondered what my
family thinks of me. In today’s blog, my sister-in-law, Maggie Smith Shumaker,
writes about her courtship with my brother, and how his annoying little sister
(me) affected her. Maggie and I grew up together in the FOC, but rarely
associated with each other. We were fire and gasoline from the start.
* * *
It kind of started before we were married. We had
conversations about men in church doing things that were not legal. With some
research, he found documents that gave titles to men that weren't all together
true. I was freaking out that he didn't want to get married in the church by any
of these men. After much consideration of feelings, he agreed that we didn't
have to have a courthouse wedding. There were supporters of going to the
courthouse, and I argued against the whole thing. I am very proud of him, for
putting up with me.
We followed the church rules: we got engaged, went to the
bookkeeper's home and set our date. Wow...six months down the road. That was
forever in our days! We were supposed to have a short, maybe three mont
engagement, but since everyone wanted to be married that year, (17 year old
girls mainly), and we were "older" at the ripe age of 19 and 21
respectively. We just wanted to get married!
The men and boys of the church had a meeting about whether or
not there could be double weddings, so some of us could be married sooner.
Several of us couples were agreeing that it would be kind of fun to get married
on the same night. My parents had a double wedding, and I was fascinated by
looking at their wedding pictures. However, the rule was every two weeks. No
one would budge. Partly because the older men thought it would put too much of
a financial strain on the families that attended, having to give two gifts
every two weeks. I thought that was a stupid reason to base their decision on.
So, six months it was. We'd wait until September 10, 1993 to walk down the
aisle and be husband and wife. It seemed like an eternity in March.
"Rumors fly when you're in the spotlight." Those were
the thoughts of my dad as he and my mom questioned us one evening in my living
room about not acting appropriately. Someone had seen us doing something in a
parking lot, or somewhere. All they said, was it was outside of the truck...first
off, if we wanted to be "inappropriate", why would we act that way
outside of the truck? Really? There were some gossipy women saying things to
relatives and then they would in turn go to my mom. Weird, but that's how this
place ran...on he-said-she-said. Horrible to be called a Follower of Christ and
this is the behavior that was going on. We put that rumor to rest, as neither
of us could think of anything we had done that matched that description. I did
teach him to waltz one evening outside of his truck, in a dark parking lot,
down by the river. I'm such a tramp! It
was at my mom's request that I make sure he would waltz at our wedding.
Therefore, I was doing what she asked!
The days got closer, and it was finally time for his bachelor
"dinner". The only food to my knowledge was donuts and vegetables.
This tradition was typically all the males over 14 in the church, gathering in
the "old church" back then, to watch a movie, or slideshow. The men
would put money into a big dish or box for the guy getting married.
He walked away with a small chunk of bills that wasn't nearly
the amount most guys had been getting those days. Guys would tell or talk about
how much they got...or maybe it was their moms on the phone that Wednesday
morning. Who knows how it got out how much each guy got in his box. Well, it
was going to be enough to do something with anyway, and I was thankful he got
any at all.
He and his best man came up with a slideshow of older
pictures from when the church began, old baptisms, and played those for
everyone at the bachelor dinner. I wondered if that's why his pot wasn't as
much? No one liked people "causing waves" as my mom called it. He was
a ripple maker, and I think that freaked her out. There was even one
conversation where my mom asked me if he was a wave maker. I just laughed at
her and thought, if she only knew! Of course he was! But, I smiled, and said,
"What do you mean?" knowing exactly what she didn't want him to be.
None the less, we walked down the aisle, dad tripping on my
dress the whole way...but finally, he took my arm and we walked up the four or five steps to the pulpit to face my cousin. He was the "man" marrying us.
Traditionally, after kissing the bride, there was a song. They mixed up our
songs. We were supposed to have "Let it be Me" first, THEN
"Battle Hymn of Love" but "Battle Hymn of Love" was
shorter, so they played that second, as the wedding party waited on the pulpit
watching the crowd below. I was ticked off because I planned it that way
according to the lyrics of the songs. It was MY wedding! Whatever, I was
married, I didn't care about the rest of the night...pictures, dancing, cake,
present stroll, and the going away!
So, after the song ended, the guy and his bride walk up to
the podium and microphone, and "traditionally" thank the man for
marrying them, thank everyone that helped, and whatever else needed to be said
to make people feel good. However, as
you probably gathered, I didn't marry a "traditional" church boy. I
married HIM...the guy I couldn't stand to date...the one I tried to hide from
at parties so he wouldn't dance with me...until my prayers had been answered,
and I knew God had shown me the father of my children in HIM.
He started by thanking everyone that had helped with the
wedding that day. He knew what went into this gala of an event...he showed up
for some reason at the church that afternoon, and I was told not to go out
front because he was there. You know, traditionally, the groom isn't supposed
to see the bride before her walk down the aisle...be he saw all the ladies in
church that had been working on flowers, pressing dresses, hanging ribbon and
what not. That impressed my groom. It's probably why as my mom drove me into
the church parking lot that morning, I started bawling uncontrollably...she
didn't understand why I was sobbing. They were all there for ME...and
HIM...Why? Why would all of these "volunteers" come out and work the
whole day, or four hours maybe, on getting MY special day ready?? Well, bless
their hearts for it. My wedding was fabulous (ly over the top) in his mind.
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The Wedding 1993 (with Maggie's parents) |
So...he expressed he was thankful for everyone's help on the
wedding that day, the gifts, for people singing, everyone who came out, but he
neglected (on purpose I'm sure) to not mention the mere man that married us.
Why should he get glory? He wasn't even supposed to be up there was he? Well,
that didn't make very many people very happy. What a rebel! And so, more rumors
flew. That was the story of our marriage for the next several months, if not
years.
Seven months into our happily ever after, a blessing came
upon me. You guessed it, we were starting our family. We'd tried to conceive,
hoping for the first try, but it took a couple of months to actually get the
positive reading. What were we to do? Our apartment would not hold the both of
us AND a baby and all the baby comes with...so, we broke the lease on the one
bedroom we were renting, and moved in with his mom and dad...and little sister,
who was only nine months older than me. Oh joy.
Suzi and I could barely get along, now I was going to be in
her house. Well, we'd have to save somehow,
and this seemed like the most logical way. Shortly after two months, we'd had
enough for a down payment on a single wide mobile home in a park on the
outskirts of Maple Lane Road.
Then, I got to start calling everyone to "tell" that
we were expecting. I'd witnessed my friends become mothers, now it was my turn.
I was so excited! It was all planned, we'd go to my moms, as tradition would
have it, and birth the baby there...given I survived, we'd have a sweet little
family just before Christmas time.
Oh the hormones, Oh the turmoil that came with being big and
pregnant, and the hurt feelings it caused on mine, and other's parts in
preparing the "in-laws" for this addition to our family. When you hear things like, "She said
this, and such and such" while you're pregnant it doesn't always sit right
with the lady carrying the baby, or maybe it was just me. So, with a sickened stomach, I made the
dreaded call to his brother's wife letting her know that her kids were not the
only ones that were going to have them as grandparents. My child, and hopefully
children someday, were going to have just as much right to them as her kids
did, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. It was the first time I
felt like I stood up to her, and it felt good.
During heat of summertime, in our tin can of a home, I sat
whining to my husband about how hot it was and how much of a heater I was
carrying around in my abdomen. He said to go to Sears and buy an air
conditioner and he'd install it after he got off work. I love him. The emotions built and built as the pregnancy
went on. I remember sobbing to my husband recollecting the incident that
happened at my nephew's school. I had been standing next to my mother, who
looked just as pregnant and I did at 7 months. Whatever the reason for it, she
had a huge swollen belly most of my married life. For all I knew, it was some
kind of a tumor. But, to elementary kids at the school, we were both having a
baby! "No," my mother
corrected, "I'm just fat." That was her comment to everyone that
asked, "No, I'm not pregnant." she say, as she climbed on the back of
my dad's Harley Davidson. It was embarrassing, but also sickening that I had to
watch the persecution she faced for not going to doctors our whole life.
But wait...let's throw a "worldly" wedding into the
mix! Why not? There wasn't enough controversy already surrounding this
family...me, being 5 mo. pregnant, cried as I was told my sister in law that
was 9 months older than me ran off and married a "worldly guy" she
met at work. How could she do this to our family? My baby will never see her.
Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. No! We loved her. We wanted the best for
her. She was a pest. She had a brain, that's what threatened people. This man
found her, she found him. Where is the sin? Why was she blackballed? Why
couldn't my baby see her, know her, or her husband? Oh, because he wasn't born
in the church like us righteous ones. That was the difference. I don't believe
this man lived much differently than some of the attendees of the FOC. That's beside the point that Suzanne would
not be allowed at my baby's birth...she was married, which was a requirement
mostly, so she COULD attend, BUT she was now worldly. This was a big contentious
problem with my mom and sisters. And it kept being a problem for years down the
road.
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Maggie Shumaker 2012 |
Please come back next Sunday to read part two of Maggie’s story.