Last week, my sister-in-law, Maggie Smith Shumaker, wrote about her
experience with my marriage to a “worldly person.” This week, Maggie writes
about the birth of her first child, just four months after my jailbreak.
November 27th came, and I woke up needing my mom. We drove
over to my mom and dad's house, expecting my labor to pick up and birth this
baby that was making me feel like a bus had parked itself in my lap. The day
dragged on and on, the house filled with my grandmothers, aunts, sisters, his
brother's wife, and the labor completely stopped. No pain, no cramps, so
instead of going home, we just went to bed that night, in my mom and dad's
room. Settling down around 10:35pm, Oh boy! "MOM" I yelled, he went
and got her. I needed to deliver this baby! Oh the pain! Oh make it stop!
His mom had just pulled into her driveway, got into bed, and
the phone rang...she was being summoned to the birth of her grandbaby. I hoped
she wouldn't call Suzanne, I didn't want her around. She just caused problems
for me and my own sisters. The midwives were called back, and I got to push for
eleven and a half hours. Finally, at 11:35 am, this large, "boy"
appeared in my husband's arms.
His head was pointy. I'd never witnessed a birth. I had no
idea what was next, what was expected of me, other than the books that I
checked out from the library the day I had the positive test in my hand. What To Expect When You’re Expecting did
not prepare me for eleven and a half hours of pushing, and nor did it say my
eyelashes and fingernails would hurt. But, our family had been born. All 9 lbs.
15 oz, & 22 1/2 inches of him. There is still debate on my husband's part that
the scale actually said 10 lbs. It could have said 15 lbs for all I knew...it
didn't matter.
For days I fretted as the conversations and whispers from his
mom and him talked about Suzanne coming to see the baby. On a Friday night,
while the rest of the church was at a wedding, or maybe it was a Thursday
night, during church service, we snuck Suzanne in to hold her nephew. I had to
convince my parents that the house wouldn't burn down to hell, or that none of
them would suffer from her visit...(not literally, but almost) so, they allowed
it. The fact that I had to even talk to them about it, sickened me. From then
on, my thoughts toward Suzanne were different. I had utter sympathy for her
that she would never walk the aisle I did; she'd never be accepted as she
was...if she were ever accepted.
We weren't around her much, but there were times we were.
Guess what? Our children loved her. She was the best birthday present
giver. She got our kids giant teddy
bears. Not being a mother herself, she just thought of the child, not the
parent. She thought of the child's face when they opened her gift. She had
everything a nephew or niece cold want in an aunt. Too bad we had to be so
sneaky about her being their aunt.
I mentioned children. Prior to the birth of our second son,
our relationship with Suzanne had developed more frequently, as she'd came back
to sit on the hard benches and sing. She wasn't "worldly" anymore.
However, there was no way my oldest sister would be at the birth of my second
child. She said her husband told her she couldn't go if Suzanne were there.
Although her and her husband associated with couples in "church" that
were living unbiblical principles. Suzanne was not. She was married. That was
apparently her sin.
So, he got on the phone, and called my sister's husband. He denied
telling my sister that she couldn't go to the birth is Suzanne was going to be
there. Nonetheless, Suzanne was not allowed at my parent's home during the
birth of our second child. His brother's wife, however, was late to the birth,
as she had been picking up her kids from her sister's house (who was also
"worldly" by marrying outside of the church). It was said that she
was afraid that someone would ask about her kids and she didn't want to lie
about where they were, as they'd been spending the night at her
"worldly" sister's house. Oh the double standards going on, oh the
charades we play, just to keep the peace.
Treating anyone who leaves a "church" as a "worldly" person is so wrong on so many levels. The bible does define worldly people, keeping your children from someone who is going to be a bad influence is common sense. You might be protecting them from bad language, maybe they're a raging alcoholic. There are plenty of examples to choose from, but making the assumption that someone is going to lead a sinful, unfruitful life because they left is stupid. But based on a belief that you do have to go to that church to enter into heaven must be the underlying cause? If you believed that Suzie was going to hurt your family by being present then you wouldn't have allowed it. Peer pressure is so strong, but sometimes it's surprising how strong and devestating it can be to all parties involved.
ReplyDeleteI find it sad that parents disown and pretend worldly kids are a shame.I have seen families destroy their children's photographs when they leave the faith.
DeleteI read this story twice and all I keep thinking is "Wow, 10lbs!". lol
ReplyDeleteLegion, The way I grew up and was taught, that anyone outside the "church" is worldly. Neighbor girls, school kids, etc. Once I had my eyes opened to the truth of the scriptures, at a way later age, I learned that "worldly" wasn't necessarily people, but a way of life. There are clear details describing what "worldly" lifestyles are. Sadly, there are too many "worldly" people that attend the OC FOC.
ReplyDeleteSuzi
ReplyDeleteIt has been awhile since you have left or pushed out. But my question is if there is no ministry to teach the word of GOD. Then how dose one inside the FOC come to the knowlage of the truth? Is there group bible studies, family studies, is the bible even read or discussed? Do you have any knowlage of how ones are comming to the knowlage of the truth.
Your questions really get to the heart of why this is such a lost group of sheep.
DeleteThere are no Bible study groups, no Sunday school classes. Just second and third hand memories, really. I don't believe the vast majority of the FOC have any idea about the truth of scriptures. I know it took years of deprogramming for me to come to any kind of acceptance of Grace. I do not mean to imply that I have all the answers at all, so I hope this answer doesn't sound like I believe I'm better or holier than any of these people, who like I've said before, are well-meaning, but unfortunately driven by a devotion to blind fear and half-truth.
When the last bible teacher died in 1986, families were encouraged to read the bible together. This happened twice in our home (sorry mom and dad!)...I don't know of other homes that followed through, but I assume that a small percentage may do this.
We were told that it was better not to know too much about scripture because we couldn't be baptized. The older generation believed it would be better for us to remain in ignorance - keeping us innocent as in before the age of reason/choice.
That was what I was trying to get through, I just can't seem to get it through in less than 10,000 characters. Nicely said.
ReplyDeleteSuzi
ReplyDeleteI think that it wonderful that you have come to the knolage of the truth. I do not think that you come across as heady or high minded. So was it through leaving and reading the bible that you come to under stand the grace of god for you and all that come unto him. If so you then were you asking knocking seeking and we all know what that leads to. That is what I belive Jesus wanted men to do. I have a hard time believing that in past 25 years there is no bible teaching or home studies. There has to be some teaching for as you have mentiouned in previous posts that 1200 to 2000 members can still function.
My hope is that if it is like you say that some of the FOC follow this blog. And take a look with in there self and ask what Christ wants of them what Christ requires all men to do.
Some have mentiouned in other posts. To your knowledge has other preachers, pastors elders came from other FOC churches. To teach to Shepard. Or have teachers preachers pastors came to share the GOOD NEWS of Christ to them. If not do we as members of christs family owe an obgleation to them. Is there a secret hand shake to get in. Or would a person be pitched out. Some of these questions may have already happened while you were there or after you were ousted. My heart aches for these and all lost souls. We send missionary's out to all the corners of the earth. To spread the GOOD NEWS. And there are groups right here that have not come to the knowledge of the truth right here. Knock ask seek and you will find. That's what Christ said so either he is a liar or he is correct. I think we all know the answer to that question. So either these people in the FOC in OC are not asking knocking or seeking. My hope is there is some people in the FOC that follow and read your blog. Thank you for your candidness Or truthfulness we all have at one time had to chooses what to do with the words of Christ submit or not that's free will. Thank God that you were able to. His will is for all men come to the knowledge of the truth. What a hurdle to over come what a testament to the power of GOD and his word. Keep on posting it just so hard to wrap my mind around. Thank you
Yes, other preachers from other Followers of Christ and Church of the Firstborn churches have attempted to come in and help. What happens is that an appointed man will ask them what they want, ask them to leave, or the entire congregation will get up and leave. They do not allow outsiders. They are not considered a church legally because of this practice of disallowing outsiders into the church services.
DeleteA lot of Followers have left to seek and find truth in other churches. As you say with the generation long drought of biblical teaching, everything is watered down, and rebels (like my family) begin to question if this is really the right way...
How come there is no Sunday school,Bible studies,adult bible studies, home groups. Even if there is no ministry there one would think you could get toughter to talk about the bible. Surly there is some study there. One can read through the book of Acts and find they had home groups they met in houses. They did not have the new testament to read but they were living it that is how the early church functioned. It's just hard to fathom that a group of people of that size can isolate them selfs to such an extent that you claim. To not have any study of the bible or any outside contact. I am not questioning your claim. I just don't see it happening in this day and age of information. It all seams like a script from a Hollywood movie. I am not from that area so it just don't seam real. Please help me to understand. But that will all be covered in your book I guess I will just have to wait. Thanks for posting I check in from time to time.
ReplyDeleteIt just doesn't happen formally. They do not use any kind of Christian curriculum and are not allowed to read books about theology. I'm sure religion is discussed and taught from parents to children. The first baptism I ever saw was my own at age 27. The first Sunday School I ever saw, was later that same year and I was the Sunday School teacher. I'm telling you it's true. everyone, young and old just sits on wooden benches and sings ten old hymns twice a week. that's it. that's all.
DeleteI think that is why things are not going so well. I think God is trying to get their attention. This has gone on far too long. 40 years without a preacher and 25 years without bible teaching.
Bible study groups don't work out very well in the FOC. They read, study together, then once they come to the knowledge of the truth, they leave and find a new church. Bible study groups are dangerous for the FOC, and not looked upon too kindly. The gift of a Bible was given to a young man that was about to be married once. A freind gave it to him because he said that he wasn't given one as a child, or ever. Furious his father, and father in law went to his freinds home and admonished him. It would seem that they intended for him to lead his family with no knowledge of Christ at all. I guess some can live without it. Wrap your head around that .
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting. In the groups I associate with it is customary for a gift Bible to be presented to the new convert with an admonishment to read it and and pray.
DeleteThat may be true, but it isn't typical. Most people would be outraged about a father acting like that. obviously that man's father wasn't a follower Christ. People shouldn't assume that one bad family is the way all families are in oc. Just like Suzanne should not suggest that her raising was typical, and that everyone in oc has had experiences like hers. The shumakers house was far from typical. I would call it unique.
DeleteDear Anonymous,
DeleteI certainly do not claim that my raising was typical. It was not typical to the FOC - thankfully! My parents were raised as wordly people, so they weren't nearly as entrenched as the rest. Being raised in the FOC was the MOST atypical thing about my family by far.
But, the only way you would know about what went on in the Shumaker family was if you were in our inner circle...did you live in my home? I don't think so. Everyone WILL know a lot about my home life when my book finally comes out :)
So you are saying bible study and decision are common at the FOC. How many attend or how often is the occurance? Do you bring bibles? What is discussed?
ReplyDeleteI thought there had to be some bible teaching there it just sounded to out of this world to be true that there was no bible teaching,studies,or preaching. I new there had to be some! please explain.
There are no bible study groups at the foc. I'm not making this up. Just because I had more liberal parents does not mean I was not aware of what went on in the church. Anyone can say anything anonymously.
DeleteAnyway, the previous anonymous poster was saying that it's not typical for parents to get angry over their children being given the gift of a bible.
So what you are saying then is that most have bibles then. That it is typiclal for members of the FOC to have bibles. But there is just no discussion, teaching, preaching, study of the word of god. This is coming into focus a little clearer now. If a person has no bible study's, dosent hear constant teaching of the bible. Then there concept or belief system is built on morally to
ReplyDeleteBe a good person. As far as society standards, but to have a watered down or handed down version of what the LORD wants or expects of them. So then one tries to live out ones life to be righteous in front of one another but when the sun goes down and the lights are off. And all is quiet in the house one lays there head on there pillow. When no one is around and one fills like they have failed GOD, doomed to hell. The big scales of justice in the sky has tipped on the loosing side again. But wait there is hope tomarrow is another day, that's the day I will get it right and please GOD. But sadly that day never comes that the scales tip in your favor. That is because that person has never been exposed to the bible or to Jesus. This makes a it clearer now. If one is not exposed to Jesus, and the work on the cross that he did for us. Than a person also has not been exposed to the saving grace of GOD. That he came on to earth took the form of a servant. Suffered, wrongly accused, falsely prosecuted. Beatin suffered the cross, bled and died. He rose from the grave conquered death, and assended to heaven. All for you and me and the whole world if they want to except that and get into contact with the blood of Christ. For our righteousness is but as filthy rags befor him. All men have sinned and come short of the glory of god. Christ has made the sacrifice for us all. If a person dose not reed dose not participate in study's, dose not attend preaching, teaching. Bring bible to church than I can see how a group drifts off of the vine. It is like you have said befor that is watered down or handed down or that maybe at one time it was taught there I don't know. But it has become far from what a church is to function like. This becomes more clear as you inform us of your experiances there at the FOC.
I for one did not grow up in Suzanne's home, nor was I raised the same as her. I was raised by two parents from two big families in the FOC. My parents held to traditions of the way they were raised, and raised me that way. I think that's why I had such a hard time with Suzanne being "worldly". My family had ministry in our lineage. That didn't make us holy, or even know anything about the Bible. I never took a bible to church until I was 25 yrs old and gone from FOC. My parents "messed up" literally, according to the FOC, and paid the penalty of that in some people's eyes. Our two experiences were way different, and that is why I choose to show another light into Suzanne's life. Like she said previously, we were like fire and gasoline. From what I know of Suzanne's family, they raised their children to be knowledgeable and to do the right thing. That doesn't mean they always did, or didn't. No one does. I just hope what I write helps someone.
ReplyDelete