I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate that it makes me cry
to relive bad memories. I hate that it makes me cringe to tell about the stupid
mistakes – big and small – that I’ve made. I hate that it brings back feelings
of resentment toward certain people; people I have tried so hard to forgive –
and certainly forget – are brought back to life in the pages of my book. I hate
that it is documented proof of my sinfulness. And, I’m so tired of rereading it
and rewriting it. I can’t wait to move on.
I love it. I love it. I love it. It is a major
accomplishment to have written my first book - a lifelong dream. I have worked hard on it. It is
cathartic to have worked through issues from my past.
I worry about it. A lot. I worry about the reactions of the
people I know and love when they read it. I worry about my kids reading it
someday. I worry about hurting people with my words. And I worry about how
people will judge my life.
But in the end, it is what it is. I have changed the names
of the vast majority of people in the book – even my own family members. If
people judge me for my decisions, that’s okay. I can live with it. If someone
is a true friend, they will stand beside me, despite my imperfections.
I will continue to blog and will begin a new book as soon as
I’m finished editing this one.
Thank you for reading.
If you love it and hate it and worry about it, congratulations! You are truly a writer. It will all be fine. <--Definitely standing beside you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelly :) You've been a great supporter and editor.
DeleteI am proud of my little sister for writing her book. As a working mom I know how hard it is to raise kids and you are doing it and accomplishing your dreams. You are a good mom and a good sister. I cried when i read this blog. how do i feel about your book? i am afraid to read it. of course i will but if reading some of your blogs make me cry and bring up so many memories what would reading your book do?
ReplyDeleteThank you Karin. Love you too. You gave me a lot of great material to work with :)
Deletewell that worries me. I hope my name was changed so no one knows your talking about me when you refer to your sister.
DeleteI think most writers have love/hate relationships with their books. I know I do. :)
ReplyDeleteAE
You think you hate all those thing!! Wait until you get through editing. You will hate that too. You need an editor to help, and if they are good, they can help you with thing that need to be changed. When you have time, read my fiction book. www.globalsunshine.com/Keetoo.pdf
ReplyDeleteBro. Bill
Brother Bill,
DeleteThank you for your words of experience and support. I have been working with mentors and editors for the past twenty months. Without the wisdom of my mentors, teachers, and colleagues, I wouldn't have gotten this far. I still have a lot of polishing to do, and yes, it is getting tedious!
I hope I'm in it. My name is F R, am I going to be a major part of the book? I can't wait until it comes out! Just kidding, but good luck! You did a good thing Suzie, it was a conversation that had to be spoken. I respect you for your courage, your honesty, and the opportunity to have the conversation.
ReplyDeleteEven in a group the individual experience will be very different. When I left, I heard that other people had left too and made very bad life choices. I never tried to seek them out. It sounds like now, people are reaching out to real healthy churches. I am delighted that your book is almost done. Are you going to be speaking about your experiences?
ReplyDelete