Sunday, November 18, 2012

Mark Shumaker: A Room With Just One Door

My oldest brother, Mark, left  the Followers of Christ in 1998. He wrote this essay two years after leaving, and has given me permission to publish it here.

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February 2000

My most powerful experience with a cultural identity started when I was three and my parents joined the Followers of Christ Church in Oregon City. To understand the impact this church had on my life, you have to understand the church. Some might say this is a cult and they are an integral part of every facet of your life. The internal culture of the church was so all-encompassing and exclusionary that the best way I can think to relate it is to compare it to a room with just one door. Those within the room share a common worldview, and reject anyone that has a perspective slightly different than the accepted norm. Everyone in the room knows about the door but stays clear of it. To experience another perspective is tantamount to rejecting the church; to accept that a differing opinion has validity is like becoming purple. They are a tight-knit group that takes care of their own. Everything you do is based in the church. The members are your extended family. You are told to associate with the Followers, not worldly people. You are encouraged to work for a Follower whenever possible, you socialize with other Followers, every life changing moment is shared with other Followers. We weren’t allowed to go to doctors because our faith should be strong to see us through. We were only to marry someone from within the church, and everybody came to the wedding. It was its own culture, and it was mine as well. All this sounds wonderful except for the fact that if you were not born into the church, you lacked the status it took to rise to higher levels within the church. Higher education was discouraged due to the exposure to worldly ideas and knowledge. The women mostly stayed at home with the children. The church grounded their teachings on the Bible and at some time, all of the doctrines seemed to make sense. The Followers are a very close group, encouraging each other in times of death or illness. It is a kind of security blanket when growing up because you know that if your parents aren’t available for you and you need adult guidance, a friend’s dad or mom will be there for you.
            I played by the rules and was married in this environment, and I kept things going and held my family together until about two years ago. It was then that I discovered how hard it is to withdraw from this type of environment. My wife at the time did not want to adhere to the teachings of the church, in fact, she made it clear that she was rejecting everything I had ever believed or worked for. She made this clear through her actions; what she also made clear was that the marriage was over. I had to try to keep everything together for our family by myself. I made some conscious decisions about my life and the direction I wanted my children’s lives to take. Having one’s marriage fall apart is hard enough, by the idea of losing the backing of the church and my friends in the church was almost more than I could bear. The Followers of Christ church defined my whole world and they did not believe in divorce. There was no longer any place in the “room” for me, my only choice was to leave it. I chose to do so by opening the door. I did not know at that time that doing so would force me to reexamine everything that I ever held as truth or that I ever thought was important. I had to learn to trust others. I realized higher education was something I not only wanted but also deserved. The opportunity to make the best life for my kids and me was very important to me.
            It has been a long road, and it is not over. I do not know that it ever will be. Everything I do or experience I now see through two lenses. The worldview of my youth will most likely shade my perspectives for the rest of my life, but I am learning to view the world through lenses that are less restricting. I question my reactions to most new things to make sure that it is not left over from my previous indoctrination. Periodically I review my beliefs and I question them striving to be ever vigilant in what I accept as truth and what I let alter the course of my life. Since my divorce, I am better able to accept new things in my life. I have started going to a new church, am involved in the Cub Scouts (which wasn’t allowed for me as a youth) and I have a new relationship with a woman who had never heard of the Followers’ church before she met me. The daily walk can still be a tough one at times but I am happier and more self-assured than ever before.

32 comments:

  1. This essay makes it sound like he wasn't allowed to go to college. Diddnt he go to college, then get married? Then get divorced. He seems to be claiming that he left because these opportunities weren't there inside the FOC. It sounds a bit disingenuous to me. He went to college, and his freinds did too. And his freinds wife and her sister. It's not standard practice for a large percentage of the Followers to go to college. So when someone does they make the gossip column for sure. But ones that have, have made good lives for themselves inside of the church. You don't have to leave to Pursue higher learning. To say otherwise is a crock. And it seems like a common excuse for leaving.

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    1. so how are those 4 people out of 2,000 doing, socially, in your church?

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    2. Just great, unless they got divorced and left. That is a cop out too though. People get divorced and stay too. If you decided to leave it was for your own reasons. Probably your own conscience most of all. You make it sound way worse than it is.

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    3. There aren't that many people. But all but a few of them chose to work hard for their living. Raise families, and be content with their lives. Not to say another alternative is wrong, but why fault them for working by the sweat of their brows. Higher learning isn't everything, but if you put in your four years you get to hold it over the heads of others. I guess it's something?

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    4. 2000? Less then 200 I would say would be more accurate.

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    5. 200 members? It's over a 1000.

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    6. How do you know this?

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    7. I’m just taking a guess on 200 based on statistics of groups like FOC. The nerds retired to the nerdery to calculate them.

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    8. The news, or this blog, or the size of the building.

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  2. I thought he said he left because of the divorce.....

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    1. Suzie, why did you delete that. It wasn't mean spirited. People leave because of their own conscience more that anything else. It's not rocket science. Sure you may like college, but if you married a "worldly guy" you knew you wouldn't be welcomed back with open arms. People get divorced, it's not what anyone wants to see anywhere( least of all the people getting divorced), but it happens. It's not an excuse to leave. I'm just saying that it seems like a common thread to leave for education, or because people our there made them. If you have a guilty conscience you probably think everyone is against you.

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    2. I'm sorry Suzie, I thought you deleted an above comment, you didn't. I was surprised because I didn't think that you would've.

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    3. Some of these FOC members remind me of some New Yorkers. They act like there’s nothing outside of their little tiny part of the world.

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    4. If you count all, there is likely 1500-1600 members to the FOC. As far as divorce it happens. It is not welcomed and through out the years there have been women and children shunned for it. The common saying is the children always suffer. The men will eventually re-marry but if a woman finds someone, there is a lot who will not speak to the new couple because she already has a husband. If she stay’s single she will loose a lot of her friends because she may try and take there husbands.
      We can now see through this blog this hasn’t always been the situation. Look at Brother Charlie’s letters; they bring a whole new perspective to what use to be taught on divorce.
      So how do you all feel for shunning the ones who have divorced and found someone else? Was it so wrong? And where are the rest of his and other preacher’s letters? Why doesn’t anyone speak of them?

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  4. Mark wrote: "The church grounded their teachings on the Bible..."

    That is not entirely true. The biggest problem with the FOC is that the word of God isn't given preeminence over the traditions of man. The scriptures are not understood there nor are they even read publicly. The bible is simply ignored as the source of life and salvation.

    For every bizarre belief the FOC has ingrained in its culture there is a counterpoint to be made biblically against it. I wouldn't want readers here to think that the FOC itself is the result of careful study of God's word and would debate any who attempt to argue that way.

    The FOC is not a church in the true, biblical sense of the word. It doesn't love and promote the gospel of the kingdom, preach the word, make disciples, administer the ordinances of baptism/Lord's supper, practice aid to widows and orphans, etc. Call it anything but a church that is grounded in the scripture.

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    1. What does the bible say about the word fools.

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    2. I could not agree more with the statement that you have made here.

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    3. Sorry to be clear on that
      Fool for Christ is spot on, bulls eye,

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    4. Looks to me you are just trolling like so many others here.

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    5. This was Mark's story. He was brave to share his story. It is his truth the way he felt when he wrote it. Everyone experiences situations differently. He expressed how he felt and I felt the pain as I read it. For those that are critical you should look to your own self. No one knows what it was like to be raised in the foc church except those raised in that church. And each and every person's experience is different. The only thing that is the same is that it is not the true path to God.

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    6. “Trolling” perhaps you could be more specific?

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    7. The bible says dint say thou fool! Maybe saying me fool is fine?

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    8. I would like Paul Hartung to explain what the bible says about the word fool. He claims to have a good understanding of scripture yet calls himself a fool. Seems very odd.

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    9. Why don't you take a Strong's concordance and look it up yourself!

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    10. I know what it says, me looking it up isn't the point. He is the one using the word I never would.

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    11. I am a fool for Christ, which means I accept that the world considers a disciple of Jesus to be totally stupid. Why love and obey One whom you've never seen - even to the point of death? Yep, that seems really foolish to those who don't know the priceless treasure of eternal life with Jesus.

      The bible says we ought to hear the voice of wisdom and submit to the Son of God - and not be fools (from God's vantage point). Neglecting the offer of free grace from the One who has power to condemn is the most foolish thing anyone could do. But when anyone gives their whole life to King Jesus (the wisest thing to do) the world will label you a fool.

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    12. I Corinthians 4:10 has Paul writing "We are fools for Christ..."

      Darren

      Happy Thanksgiving to all

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    13. Anonymous,
      There is nothing damning about the word “fool” itself. You could insert any other word, name or phrase that is rooted in anger and meant to attack someone’s character or identity. These seemingly small thoughts and actions come from the same place in a person’s heart as murder, and are equally condemning.

      An outward conformity to regulations such as Scribes and Pharisees practiced and boasted about will not change the heart. Having a shiny exterior cannot change the interior of a rotting corpse.

      In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is calling disciples to kingdom righteousness. This righteousness is foreign and different because it transforms from the inside out and produces a new heart and new motivations (Rom. 6:17; 2 Cor. 5:17; Gal. 5:22–23; Phil. 2:12; Heb. 8:10).

      This valuable, new righteousness was purchased by the Son of Man, giving his life as a ransom for many. Believing in Jesus is the only way to have a righteousness exceeding that of the Scribes and Pharisees, and the only way to enter the kingdom.


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  5. If you don't know what trolling is just read the comments on this blog. You will find many examples of people trolling foc members.

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  6. I know what the Definition of the word is. I was asking what you were trying to imply.I assume that you were saying people just stop in for a short time and be nagitive.I assume that you were saying people just stop in for a short time and be negative.

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  7. Maybe people come here patrolling for babes.

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