Thursday, March 21, 2013

Domestic Violence and The Christian Church


The topic of domestic abuse has come up on this blog in the past week and I began thinking of cases of abuse I've heard about not only in the FOC, but also in the other churches I've belonged to since. It is a nebulous issue because the Bible does not specifically give spousal abuse as a legitimate reason to leave a marriage. I remember one older woman telling us in a bible study about her neighbor woman knocking on her door, begging for help against her abusive husband; the end of that story? They gave her some hot tea, prayed with her, and then drove her home. Wow. What would you have done? Please read this article about the subject of spousal abuse in relation to the Christian Church.

* * * *

Christian Domestic Abuse: The Hidden Church Disease


One of the most shameful problems facing the vast majority of Christian church congregations is the epidemic of domestic violence that many of its families are suffering from. In the vast majority of cases it remains a carefully concealed sin but occasionally sensational cases become publicly exposed as in this incident which resulted in the divorce of two very prominent ministers:
"The Associated Press is reporting the severe beating of Reverend Juanita Bynum by the hands of her husband Reverend Thomas Weeks III. The couple which has been separated for some time now, met in an Atlanta hotel restaurant in hopes of reconciliation. Something went horribly wrong and a fight between the estranged couple took place in the hotel garage which resulted in Reverend Bynum being battered and severely bruised."
Just how much of a problem has domestic violence become in the United States, the nation that prides itself on being the world's largest exporter of military violence? Try to wrap your brain around this:
"The former Surgeon General, C. Everett Koop, stated that domestic violence perpetrated by males accounted for more adult female emergency room visits than traffic accidents, muggings, and rapes combined and is now the single greatest cause of injury to American women. He has accordingly declared it as a national health crisis."
Here are some truly astonishing and little-known statistics about this epidemic of raw hatred that is severely straining the moral fiber of the United States:
• 27% of American women will experience abuse (rape or physical assault) during their lifetime
• 16% of American men will experience physical abuse during their lifetime.
• 28% of marriages harbor physical violence while 53% contain abuse in a variety of forms.
• 32% of teens and college-aged adults will experience physical abuse in a dating relationship. 70% of this age group will experience some type of violence.
• 44% of women in domestic abuse relationships are raped by their abuser.
• 2.1 million senior adults suffer physical, psychological, financial, or some form of abuse or neglect each year in the United States.Only 1 out of 14 abuse incidents is ever reported to the authorities.
• The divorce rate for non-abused women is 15%, the rate for abused women is 75%.
• It is estimated that over 3.3 million of American children witness intimate partner violence (IPV) within their families. Witnessing violence is a risk factor for long-term physical and mental health problems, including alcohol and substance abuse, becoming a victim of abuse, as well as perpetrating IPV with other victims.
• 998,000 children are currently suffering abuse and neglect in the U.S.
• 49% of children living in homes where adult abuse occurs also experience direct abuse themselves. 100% experience indirect abuse.
• 89% of women inmates report having experienced sexual, emotional or physical abuse before incarceration.
• Young women in Christian youth groups are less likely to report abuse, especially if they are dating someone in their youth group.
• People with strong religious beliefs stay longer in abusive relationships because of their faith beliefs.
• Abusers are more likely to go for help when their pastor tells them to seek counseling than if others encourage them; even more likely than if they are given a court order which mandates counseling for them.
William Bradford Wilcox conducted a study on the types of Protestants who engage in domestic violence. He examined the relationship between religious affiliation, church attendance, and domestic violence, using data on wife reports of spousal violence from three American surveys. The study found that the lowest reported rates of domestic violence occurred among church active conservative Protestants (2.8% of husbands committed domestic violence), followed by those who were religiously unaffiliated (3.2%), periodic church attending mainline Protestants (3.9%),church active mainline Protestants (5.4%), and periodic church attending conservative Protestants (7.2%).Read over those statistics again,they are truly astonishing!
Many ministers contribute to the problem because they tell the female members of their congregations who are being abused that they should continue to submit to their husbands and to ask God to give them the strength to endure the torture they are experiencing. Many ministers never advise a battered wife to leave her husband or separate regardless of the extent of the abuse she is suffering. By taking this socially and psychologically dangerous position they not only are endangering the lives of many women but they are in addition causing a plethora of mental, emotional and even physical problems to be visited on the children of the battered. Here is a list of the most common:
* low self-esteem
* mixed feelings toward parents
* lack of trust
* anxiety created by anticipating the next outbreak of violence
* guilt and depression in feeling responsible for the abuse
* fear of abandonment

Children living in violent homes usually turn very aggressive or extremely passive in their behavior. They usually experience problems in school not only through falling grades but also because domestic violence homes breed a higher rate of juvenile delinquency and substance abuse among the child observing victims. When they reach their teen-age years, it is common for children in violent homes to try to escape by entering into early marriages or even worse, pregnancies they hope will create early marriages.
So of course we desperately need to seek God's solution to this sickening problem don't we?
GOD'S UNIVERSAL SOLUTION FOR PEACE:
Matthew 7:12 (New King James Version)
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
GOD'S SOLUTION TO AVOID MARITAL ABUSE:
Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)
34 Jesus answered and said to them, "The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.
GOD'S SOLUTION FOR THOSE IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Matthew 19:29 (New King James Version)
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or WIFE or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.
NEVER STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS!! GO TO GOD!!!
Dr. Dean Crosby is a published author, instructor in New Testament studies, and Christian therapist. He holds a bachelor’s degree in communication, a master’s degree in counseling, and a doctoral degree in psychology. He is the founder and director of the Christian Caring Center,a non-profit internet counseling agency. Dr. Crosby can be personally contacted at drdeancrosby@yahoo.com but information about his counseling center should be requested at appointments@christiancaringcenter.every1.net


13 comments:

  1. It's so tragic that those ministers that women turn to for guidance tell them exactly what they SHOULD NOT be telling them. I don't understand how they think they are doing God's work? Those statistics are so very sad. Seems like a hopeless situation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those are very alarming statistics! Hey Suzanne, why not try to come up with the statistics for the foc that correlate with the one you have put up here. I'll help you out in case you don't know. > 1% of foc women will experience abuse (rape or physical assault) during their lifetime

    • > 1% of foc men will experience physical abuse during their lifetime.

    •> 1% of foc marriages harbor physical violence while > 1% contain abuse in a variety of forms.

    • 0 of foc teens and college-aged adults will experience physical abuse in a dating relationship. 0% of this age group will experience some type of violence.

    • 0 foc of women in domestic abuse relationships are raped by their abuser.

    • 0 foc senior adults suffer physical, psychological, financial, or some form of abuse or neglect each year in the United States.Only 0 abuse incidents is ever reported to the authorities.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. at least half thewomen I grew up with were sexually abused and/or beaten by an foc member. if you believe your "stats" you are likely ill informed about what constitutes abuse.

      Delete
  3. Out of all of the lies that have been told on this blog bu ex followers that is the biggest most ridiculous one yet. You obviously bitter and want to make the foc look like something it's not. I have lived in the foc for a long time and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are lying. The rate of abuse is so low it's almost unheard of. "Half" of the women you grew up with did not get abused and you are a total liar.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Domestic abuse is a big problem and even bigger when folk don't acknowledge that it is a problem. Church aside, I grew up in a society where a woman couldn't even file a police report on domestic abuse, because wife-beating was seen as a normal way of disciplining & keeping the unruly woman in line!

    However, I can't help but mention that the verses quoted by Dr. Crosby have been taken out of context, and so do not make any real sense as far as the solutions he's given are concerned. In Luke 20, Jesus was talking about life after death in answer to the pharisees' question on widow-hood & wife inheritance.
    As for Mathew 19:29, is the woman really leaving the abusive husband for the sake of Christ or for her sake? Again, inappropriate reference. I do not believe that Jesus was supporting marital separation in this verse, seeing as earlier in the chapter he spoke against divorce except for infidelity.

    I'm all for separation FOR A TIME, if the gravity of the situation demands it, but if we are going to voice a different opinion and support it by scripture, let's atleast be sure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Bible does speak on this subject.

    I Corinthians 7:10-11

    And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
    But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

    The command to the man is to not give her reason to leave; and if for some reason she does leave, he is not to divorce her, and she is not to remain single or hopefully they can reconcile.

    There is no scripture that forces an abused woman (or man) to live with their partner, but the word does command us to love and respect each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meant she IS to remain single! (The "not" was not what was intended)

      Delete
  6. Great post, and a very important topic that needs to be discussed. I would also say the idea of violence more generally needs to be discussed more within the body of Christ. And thanks Brenda for the contextual clarifications on the scriptures.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What abiut the woman who was abused so much she went crazy?
    what about the woman that was so scared she called 911 while being attacked with a knife?
    What about the woman who's husband destroyed furniture in front of his children?
    What about the woman who didn't know where her husband was or if he was ever coming home?
    She's not a liar.
    There are too many cases that go untold. There are too many hidden secrets there out of fear of man.
    Do not cast judgement on truth or lies unless you're all knowing-but that would be God himself.
    I KNOW you're NOT God!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow you came up with 4 instances that all involved people with obvious mental illness. You just covered about 40 years. That's not quite 1/2 of the women that the earlier poster claimed. I can't imagine that anyone would argue that the rate of spousal abuse amongst the foc isn't amazingly low. Anyone that thinks otherwise just simply doesn't know, or just likes to tell lies. It's that simple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, those were not the only cases. Those were the only ones that were openly talked about. The FOC, like a lot of society, punishes victims for speaking out. No man has ever raped his wife? Not true. I know women who have been raped by their husbands. I knew guys who witnessed children being molested. The only stat you have correct is that nothing is reported to the authorities.

      Delete
  9. Malachi Chapter 2 gives instructions for a written letter of divorce when a man covers his wife with the garment of violence; this chapter addresses the man whom is treacherous against the wife of his young, and the rearing of ungodly seeds due to violence. God said he is no longer accepting the violent's man's tears at the altar.

    God calls for repentance and innermost healing of generational iniquity of family abuse; as well as casting out the unclean spirits of the abuser, victim and children. Deep work of God's Holy spirit needed to set families free from the curse of domestic violence. By Jesus stripes, Jesus was wounded for our our iniquities. Isaiah 53:5

    Domestic violence is iniquity. Among many other forms of iniquity to include incest.

    Jesus addresses verbal abuse, anger and murder Matthew 5:21-22. Domestic violence murders lives and verbal abuse murders the soul (mind will and emotions)

    God's own soul hates violence and every wicked work. Psalm 11:5

    ReplyDelete
  10. Malachi Chapter 2 gives instructions for a written letter of divorce when a man covers his wife with the garment of violence; this chapter addresses the man whom is treacherous against the wife of his young, and the rearing of ungodly seeds due to violence. God said he is no longer accepting the violent's man's tears at the altar.

    God calls for repentance and innermost healing of generational iniquity of family abuse; as well as casting out the unclean spirits of the abuser, victim and children. Deep work of God's Holy spirit needed to set families free from the curse of domestic violence. By Jesus stripes, Jesus was wounded for our our iniquities. Isaiah 53:5

    Domestic violence is iniquity. Among many other forms of iniquity to include incest.

    Jesus addresses verbal abuse, anger and murder Matthew 5:21-22. Domestic violence murders lives and verbal abuse murders the soul (mind will and emotions)

    God's own soul hates violence and every wicked work. Psalm 11:5

    ReplyDelete

The catchpa has been removed to enable easier commenting. Spam and irrelevant comments will be deleted.