Saturday, January 16, 2016

I Am Smart. I Am Strong. I Am Independent. #seekinggod

I just spent an hour at the gym and I came home feeling GREAT! Thirty minutes on the elliptical, 2 sets of 15 reps on all the weight machines. I am walking on air! I can conquer anything! 

Oh, and have I mentioned in the past ten minutes my collection of advanced degrees? How many countries I've visited? My IQ? The number of books I read each week?

If you know me in real life, I probably have.

You can probably tell that I struggle, really struggle, with pride. Satan's sin of choice. That's me: SO important. SO smart. SO independent. 

And, really, to be honest: so lost.

I read the Bible, but it doesn't change who I am. It doesn't make me a better person (how could it when I already think so highly of myself?).

I go to church and Bible study, but it's more for education (or entertainment) than for worship.

And I feel so far from God.

Tonight, two people came to my mind. Two people I think are "weak" and emotionally fragile. Not me. Nope. No way - I have it all figured out. 

But, wait....maybe being weak isn't the worst thing that could happen to me...

It's time to be honest: I have hit a "wall" in my faith - well, I likely have been walking around this wall for years - and I am ready to find my way THROUGH it. 

Prayers would be welcome.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
2 Corinthians 12:10


  1. Let me just say it’s normal to hit a wall, but it’s not normal to admit it.

    When Jesus told the rich young ruler to sell everything and follow Him, he hit a wall.

    When Jesus said “whoever doesn’t hate mother, father, brother, sister, your own life, cannot be my disciple”, many walls went up.

    You are correct to assume the wall is something in us that keeps us from seeing God as the most glorious and satisfying person in the world.

    We all hit that wall but not everyone sees it as a separation from God, even fewer will look for a way through.


  2. I truly know how you feel.
    Seriously I pray for you everyday.Hitting a wall "I FEEL"...
    We are forgiven, yet we can't seem to forgive ourselves.
    Don't we all wish we had a Time Machine?
    I know I do. Remorse sucks. Bible says to be forgiven
    we need to forgive.
    In retrospect I ruined something that could have been so AWESOME.
    Typical sinner, oh yea Remember God knows how imperfect we are.
    When we feel God is distant it isn't Him that pulled away.
    We will never not sin, but as Jesus said ,our sins are as far as the east is from the west.They are all forgiven.Past,Present and Future.Heard a sermon not long ago about carnal Christians.
    I could type volumes on this. but not my forte. I am a talker.
    So much I would love to say.Kind of eats me up at times.
    May we all rely on the truth. Love to you all in Jesus name.


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