Sunday, September 16, 2012

Beverly Penrod: Terrified of God, Walter, and Haircuts


Last Wednesday, I received the following email from Beverly Penrod, the niece of Ernest Nichols, the rejected FOC preacher. She graciously gave me permission to publish her letter here.

As with all of my guest bloggers, the opinions and statements of the guest do not necessarily reflect my own beliefs or experiences.

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My name is Beverly Penrod. My cousin told me how to reach your blog. I spent the biggest share of yesterday and many hours today reading it. I couldn’t sleep last night due to the memories flooding back. I was born into the Followers of Christ in 1942. My memories are of the church not good. No they are frightening. 
 
I can only say that Walter White is the devil himself and my Uncle Ernest Nichols was close behind.
 
We attended church in Caldwell until Walter and, I think his name was Vern Baldwin, had a fight, disagreement, argument or whatever. I do not remember much about the Idaho church. We followed Walter to Oregon City, to California, and back to Oregon City. I think that is the order of our moves. I was very young. We moved wherever he went or where we were told to go. My granddad, Kenneth Robert Sayre, was an Elder. I am not sure if he was ordained Caldwell or Oregon City. 

Church doctrine was strictly enforced in our home. I can remember my mother crying because she could not cut her hair. It was her crowning glory. Her hair was very thin and she wanted it styled. She was shamed. My grandmother popped my mouth for asking what God looked like. I was five years old. We were not allowed to talk about God. We were taught to fear God. Hell Fire and Damnation. If we strayed from what Walter taught we were doomed to hell. Even to get a haircut or wonder what God looked like. 

Uncle Ernest preached also. Walter, Uncle Ernest, and the elders picked someone to rebuke during Sunday’s service. This was truly frightening with the screaming and crying. People were made to stand and hopefully confess their sin. I think the rebuking was the most frightening thing to my young ears. My grandparents told me how the people were selected after we were shunned. The kissing was also frightening. It was awful having all of those old people kiss me on the lips. I still to this day do not want to be kissed on the lips by anyone. 

So I was terrified of God. Of getting a haircut. Of people yelling and crying during services. Of kisses. Of going to hell. Of making Walter or Uncle Ernest mad which was a sure way to get to hell. When I was 11 or 12 Walter baptized a lot of people in the river. I was one of them. I don’t remember if it was the Clackamas or the Willamette River. Guess it doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to go to hell. Then came the shunning. Another kind of hell.

Walter and Uncle Ernest scared the hell out of people to get them to do their bidding, but Uncle Ernest did not agree with everything Walter said and did. But Uncle was as guilty as Walter when it came to who would be shunned and controlled. Uncle Ernest and Aunt May had a small grocery store and Walter decided that everyone should shop there. My grandmother refused and Walter told granddad that he had to divorce her if he could not control her. Grandma and granddad lived to celebrate 50 years of marriage. 

Of course we could not go to a doctor and if we went to a dentist we could not have pain meds or Novocain. I still have an insane fear of dentists. When I was eight or nine years old I was stricken with Rheumatic fever. I was sick for months and my family was sure I was dying. Walter and the elders were called in to lay on hands. I was on the road to recovery in weeks. I firmly believe in the power of prayer in healing. I have experienced it more than once. So I cannot knock all aspects of the church. However the Followers’ cemetery is full of my beloved aunts and uncles and cousins who died very young from easily cured diseases and babies that were never given a chance. 
  
My family (grandparents, mother, sister and myself and various cousins) were shunned when granddad had to move from Oregon City for his health. Walter and Uncle said that if granddad’s faith was strong enough he would be healed in Oregon City. We were not shunned right away. Uncle Orin Keith wrote a letter a few years later. It about killed my grandmother. A great sadness came over most of my family. It installed a deep hatred of everything and everyone in the Followers of Christ.

I have been able to forgive, but I will never forget. The fear, the heartbreak, the pity I have for my family that remain in the church. I am very comfortable with my God. A kind, forgiving, merciful, loving God. 

Oh yes before I forget Uncle Ernest left the church. I think due to problems with Walter. Anyway his five kids shunned him. My aunts in Oklahoma cried at how the kids were treating their father. My sister and I at the same time said “it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.” I think Deaner may have seen Uncle after the shunning. 


I have had a hard time sleeping since I read your blog.  The church you write about sounds like a softer gentler one than I remember.  Since I read your blog the memories have come flooding back.  The fear of Walter most of all.  I go to sleep thinking about him and the church ect are on my mind when I wake up.

I am most grateful to know that Jesus is my way to heaven and not Walter White.  

21 comments:

  1. She made several peculiar comments as to early beliefs. I am thinking of the hair and the enforced confesssions. It is interesting that after all these years she still clings onto many of the faith healing sentiments.

    It has become fascinating to me how several individuals in these blogs can live through the same or similar indoctrinations and events to each come out with differing perceptions.

    Darren

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    1. I have thought the same thing about people coming out with different perceptions from the same church and I truly believe the two most important reasons are these reasons-z

      Some families had more biblical teaching and love in their homes and I for one had none of either.
      Secondly if you were in "the in crowd" you didn't have reasons to see so much of the rejection of the people. I was hurt deeply by many of the people and never witnessed much love at all.

      With that said- I think years later and with Walter gone and the Elders too things lightened up a little but nevertheless- it hasn't changed to good yet out there. Jesus did not teach us to kick people while they are down but go to them in love and try to help them....none of us is perfect and we are all of the same body! LaRinda

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  2. That is the best written blog I have read yet. I was born in 1961 so my experiences were different in some ways and much the same in others. My fears and feelings were the same. I can vouch for Dean Nichols being a nice guy....we were friends right up till he sadly passed away (which unfortunately was on my birthday) and I wouldn't expect he would shun anyone as I truly believe he had the Love of God in him. I also believe he was a good person and unfairly judged. Thanks for writing this. Hallelujah that we are saved by Jesus and not of our own works or any traditions of any people. LaRinda Patterson Marquand

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    1. I know Dean was a great person. I was never real close to him, however my sister was. I did not know he had died.

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  3. this blog post was very powerful. thank you for being so honest.

    i have to say that everyone has a different experience and truth to how they live. every person in a home will give a different account of their childhood, even having the same parents.

    that is beautiful and God's gift that we are all individual and see and feel things differently.

    i felt the writer of this post wrote with truth and passion.

    thank you for bringing your truth and memories to light.

    let our lines shine by telling the truth.

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  4. I know this is different for every family's doctrine but does anyone know why in some households it was taught that we should only read the new testament, and to stay out of the old? Any thoughts?

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    1. I believe that the New Testament is God's last covenant with us. I don't think that means the Old Testament is any less important.

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  5. I was taught that too. something about the new testament was the new law after jesus died for our sins. we had the big bible that mom wrote births and deaths in but we did not read it.

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    1. Ok thanks for your input, I know there isn't any scriptural basis for it, I just wanted someone's opinion, haha I remember the big bible! The ones that had all the pictures, I think for a while every married couple just about recieved one of those.

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  6. I assumed that you lived by the new, but also read the old. It was caled the schoolmaster. To understand the new, and the prophesies that led to christ's coming, you have to read the old. I'll admit I spend a lot more time with the new. That's just how it was explained to me.

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    1. Live by the new and old, all scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16,17) Not just as prophetic signs pointing to Christ, but a lot of wisdom from Proverbs and Psalms, and plenty of lessons to be learned from Old Testament scriptures, if you use only New Testament you will be very un equipped I can assure you!

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  7. I thought it was White's family that owned the W-B. Orville White married the widow of Mr. Baker, who had originally owned the store and thus the name W-B (White-Baker).

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    1. I understood it that way too. That the Nichols owned a gas station.

      Darren

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    2. Uncle Ernest and Aunt May owned a mom and pop grocery store. I don't remember what it was called.

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    3. I have talked this over with my sister and I have a correction to make. The store was the W-B. We both remember uncle Ernest and aunt May being there and think he must have managed it or run it or something. My grandmother did shop there once. She stocked up on an item, which we think may have been bread. That Sunday she was rebuked. They ripped her up one side and down the other for spending her money frivolously. What did she need three loaves of bread for.

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  8. What year did Ernest owned a gas station? Never heard of him owning a store... maybe for a short time period. Can't believe he would move into a new town and a new congregation and go into competition with the other preacher's business. Also, no cutting of women's hair and no contraception was a Idaho doctrine that Oregon City didn't follow since the 1940's. There was a conference of FOC preachers and the OC and Idaho leaders could not find middle ground on this issue.

    Bev, where was the store located? Do you have any family members that remember this and may know the names or year the store operated?

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    1. Isn't that just kind of stupid? We cut off ties with other Christians because of little differences like hair or a musical instrument or whatever, we are reaching the end of an age, and we as the bride of Christ need to work together, what a blessing that we can baptize people into the body of Jesus (the corporate body) not one particular church building, and have them obey the gospel, friends & family the time is running out, the message has always been repent or perish, and there was always a time limit, the people of Noah's day had a time limit, Lot and the story of Soddom and Gomorrah, the people of Nineva in the book of Jonah, so please humble yourselves and pray and seek God's face and turn from your wicked ways, (2nd Chronicles 7-14) if you repent Got will forgive!

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    2. Uncle Ernest did not own a gas station that i know of. The store was the W-B and Sandy and I think he must have managed it or something. I mentioned that the hair was an Idaho item and one that helped cause the split. My mother was not allowed to cut her hair as late as 1948. She wore it braided and wrapped around her head. Others wore theirs held in a hairnet with the hair at the nap of their necks.

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  9. It is sad that members watch their children suffer and die needlessly and then when they are suffering they turn to Drs.
    I was punished for crying when ill because it showed lack of faith and weakness.To this day I cannot express pain. I also cannot stand being kissed after being raised in this sick faith.

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  10. You have to give credit to the FOC members on this one. This person baited them and they resisted the temptation to say something silly, of mean. Thanks

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  11. No kidding, what a troll, that took some class.

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