Sunday, January 20, 2013

Sex Swapping Scandals



And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Luke 6:41

The mid-1980’s were a tumultuous time for the FOC, and for my family. In 1986, our final leader/elder, Glenford Lee, died. In the first weeks of 1987, my sister left church and went into hiding with my toddler niece. The story of my sister’s life and the impact it had on me and my family is the subject of my second memoir.

When Glenford passed away, nobody knew what would become of the group. But our immediate response was to pay our respects. The way I remember it is that everyone in church went to Glenford’s home and parked along the streets and in the yard and stood in line waiting to walk through the house and view his body. I stood in line with my folks and my sister, while my brothers stood apart from us with the teenage boys.

But there were several families who were noticeably missing from the grieving throng that day. A dozen or more respectable married couples had been involved in an expansive sex swapping scandal. I believe they all stayed away. 

The couples got together with various others and had sex in the same room and swapped partners. Sometimes married couples engaged in these activities with the knowledge and consent of their partners and sometimes not. Some people were far more involved than their spouses. Sometimes they brought their children along and ordered them to stay in another room. Video cameras were involved.

I don’t bring this up to cast blame or judgment on anyone. I’m certain that’s not my place. But what hurt me at the time was that some of these sex swappers were the parents of my friends. And these “upstanding” folks were so unkind to me! They told their daughters to stay away from me because they disapproved of my sister. I was thirteen years old and these self-righteous hypocrites were absolutely horrible to me because my sister was no longer living in Oregon City and a member of the group. Their behavior was irrelevant as long as they showed up twice a week and sat on the benches.

Later, when I married outside the group, it was some of those same folks who were the loudest complainers of my continued presence. Nearly everyone shunned me, but these people went further than most in their dirty looks and the statements they made about me to my family members.

A lot of folks were hurt during those times. Not just the families and children of the swingers, but also people who had looked up to those people. Some said that it was a turning point in how they felt about the church.

This wasn't the first time a sex scandal would blow up in the group - and it certainly wouldn't be the last. 

People make mistakes, but how they deal with those mistakes can make all the difference.



23 comments:

  1. It would be so nice if some so-called followers of Christ would actually bother reading his words and learning from him.

    He befriended the worst people in the world, did not judge them on their past or associations. What makes others think they should...if they are going to say they are "Christian"? Talk about taking the lord's name in vain.

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  2. i remember some sex scandals but was never any part of them and people can be very self rightous to save themselves from blame

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  3. "People make mistakes, but how they deal with those mistakes can make all the difference."

    That is so true.

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  4. Adults are responsible for themselves and their children. They should but often don't care about how their actions effect other people. No one should judge or look down on anyone especially a child or teen moreover when they themselves did not make the misjudgement.

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  5. I have to say, I find the idea of swapping partners shocking. Marriage is between two people who love and respect each other ... it is sacred! To think of children watching via a video is disgraceful and I consider it abuse.
    It seems people in glass houses who throw stones must be doing so to cover up their own wrong doings.
    My comments may be taken as judging, but I do not bend my ethics for popularity.
    Tamara is right, people do make mistakes, and forgiveness is part of our journey, but we can forgive but not condone the act.

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    1. Thanks for your comment. One point of clarification: the kids were told to stay in a room and not come out. The videos were made for the adults to watch.

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  6. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;-Ephesians 5:3

    It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you...put away from among yourselves that wicked person.-I Cor. 5

    Those that behaved towards you in that manner Suzi should have been the ones shunned the minute these things came to light. The sin is not just theirs alone, but is borne by all who stood by and let it continue. Jesus said well of the church at Ephesus, "I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil." Will he speak so well of this one? Only if there is repentance.

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  7. And if they repent? Then shun them still? What do you do with them if they repent? It's fascinating how fast a sinner can turn into a judge. Or that any man can judge being a sinner himself. How do you rectify that?

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    1. If they repent, then restore them.

      I don't have a problem rectifying it, I am not the one who makes that decision. God does. He is the judge. Besides each person is convicted in their own heart.
      "Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself."-Titus 3:11

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    2. You had stated that they should've been shunned as soon as their sin came to light. That doesn't leave a lot of room for repenting and being restored.

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    3. You can not restore what was not rejected. You can not show mercy, where judgment did not already exist. Personally I abhor rejection and think it is the last line of defense to save the church and those involved. Sometimes it does become necessary.

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  8. What a horrible entry this is. Just to be clear such behavior is unacceptable to the foc. There is no place for such behavior among god fearing people. Good job Suzanne, straight to the gutter. What's the point to write about this garbage.

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    1. Which part is unacceptable for the foc? shunning a child for something she had no part in? oh, no...that's not the part you were denying is it? Well, if you can't see the point, maybe you are part of the problem.

      Straight to the gutter? I started this blog in 2011 - I would say it took a long time to get around to this.

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    2. I was young when this happened but I think they all left right after it came to light. Adultery is very serious and can bring down a church. Most followers abhor such actions. Sure people aren't perfect and flesh is weak but I think its dangerous to keep wife swappers around. I suppose its possible some are still out here .

      As far as people withdrawing from you Suzanne I never seen any evidence of it. If you say it happened then it must have. But no one I knew treated you or your brothers bad because of your sister's problems. People make mistakes surely you can let it go it been over 20 years.

      You seem so angry and bitter why else write this crap. Are going to write about every house that has fallen. You sure got defensive when people pointed out your family members personal problems. I am not for protecting fornicators but I would never write about stuff like this its shameful, its a new low for you.

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    3. No, most of them did not leave. I guess you were too young to realize that. Some have died - while still attending. Others are still alive and sitting among us.

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  9. Can you define unacceptable? Suzie said that they were still there shunning her before she left. Is she lying , or are you anon?

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    1. First off I am not lying. Suzanne was withdrawn from after she ran off and married a stranger. That wouldnt have lasted for ever. People where Leary of her but they would have moved on. I never seen anyone withdraw from the shumakers when they were young. I think Suzanne is angry. I for one am sorry if I ever treated her unfair. Kids can be cruel I am sure I have wronged people just as I have been wronged. I hope those who I have wronged will forgive me just as I forgive those who have wronged me. I will not blog about people who have hurt me to settle the score. Suzanne I am sorry your time at church with us was such a bad experience. But its no excuse to write like this.

      Define unacceptable...adultery or any fornication has no place among us. Does it happen sometimes yes. Is it acceptable no. We are commanded to flee fornication. I try to shield my house from all kinds of filth.

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    2. Really? I would've been accepted? When? I was shunned for five years after my marriage! Should I have stayed ten more? twenty? and for what? to sing ten songs and be judged by people who have no comprehension of Christianity? Should I have raised my children there among people who care far more about birthright than love and compassion?

      I am not bitter about the past. I am grateful for every trial I've gone through in life. Every hardship we endure makes us stronger. Yes people - ADULTS - were cruel to me because of my sister. Many teenage boys cursed me and called me all manner of horrible names (sometimes in the presence of adults who did nothing to stop it) because they didn't like one of my brothers. I'm better off for having gone through those injustices. I'm more compassionate; I'm stronger.

      My eyes have been opened to the obvious fact that that Oregon City FOC has been spiritually dead for years. I hope and pray that everyone out there will have their eyes opened as well and discover how much God loves each of you.

      In writing about this, I did not intend harm - that's why I did not use any names (here or in my book). I do not judge the actions of others - I only report how their actions affected me.

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  10. Suzanne makes it seems like she was always a victim. Everyone always had it better than her. Poor Suzanne such a rough life you have had. All her current friends should watch out she might use you for a subject in her next book. You must have always done right by everyone you have ever known.

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    1. I've had an awesome life. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends, and a successful career. How many people can say that?

      I also have the guts to use my name and stand up for what I believe in.

      I think it's obvious who the snivelers are here.

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    2. It is obvious. Do followers blog about you. Nope its you who has done all the sniveling.

      If everything is so great then why keep on complaining? Move on.

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    3. You might want to check the URL here - this is HER blog. If you don't want to read it, then don't. You might want to consider that there are other reasons (obvious to most readers) for writing about this group than complaining about the past.

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  11. Suzanne if just one person, one family. Can question why, why do I believe what I believe. Does my belief align with the bible, do my actions align with the scriptures. If just one than it is all worth it. A believer in Christ has a responceabilty to pass on the grace of God that was so freely given to us. To open one eye to touch one family would truly be incredible. Keep writing and we will keep praying that God gives some strength to ask and answer these questions

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